Me [28F] starting to have a problem with my BF [25M] and his social drinking.

A while ago I had been in a relationship with an abusive ex who was a poorly functioning alcoholic, and it really solidified my views on alcohol. I had given it up for quite some time as an effort to cleanse the household, I never really liked it much anyway so it was easy. I broke up with him in a straw camel's back situation when he passed out in my car.

My current boyfriend is most definitely a social drinker. Every time a friend comes over or he goes out, drinking is involved. It's habitual almost, ingrained in him, it's kind of what they do and if they didn't have that well things would be awkward for them. I am kind of sick of sitting around opening up beer after beer, I get no joy from it, so I've been turning down social gatherings from his friends and family.

I started doing this hardcore after he had gone out with friends, drank copious amounts, and ended up in the hospital. I was super angry at him because I've been through so many awful emergencies with alcohol and I stuck to my boundary and he and his friends called me a bad girlfriend for not coming to see him at 3AM after he got his stomach pumped. Ever since then, I've been battling a dislike for his friends and a distrust of him and alcohol. I've been distancing myself from his friends, because all they do when they hang out is get drunk. They don't think I'm a good girlfriend anyway. I know I seem even worse to them now because I never show up. I feel like I've been traumatized by alcohol so many times and the people whose lives greatly include alcohol don't understand me.

I guess my question is, can I go on in this way? Is it ok for me to just not go where I know there will be drinking? He hasn't been getting stupid drunk, the hospital stay seemed to effect him somewhat in that area. He doesn't drink heavily when he's with me, he will sip a vodka or something. He's not abusive like my ex. But my distrust and dislike is still there. I don't value his friends anymore, I don't have an interest in hanging out with them. I don't get to spend as much time with him because I don't want to go where he is or do what he's doing. What in the hell should I even tell him?

Tl;dr - My social drinking boyfriend messed up while drinking with friends and now I can feel myself distancing from all of them because I don't value alcohol like they do and can't see past the mistakes



Submitted April 25, 2020 at 11:42PM

A while ago I had been in a relationship with an abusive ex who was a poorly functioning alcoholic, and it really solidified my views on alcohol. I had given it up for quite some time as an effort to cleanse the household, I never really liked it much anyway so it was easy. I broke up with him in a straw camel's back situation when he passed out in my car.My current boyfriend is most definitely a social drinker. Every time a friend comes over or he goes out, drinking is involved. It's habitual almost, ingrained in him, it's kind of what they do and if they didn't have that well things would be awkward for them. I am kind of sick of sitting around opening up beer after beer, I get no joy from it, so I've been turning down social gatherings from his friends and family.I started doing this hardcore after he had gone out with friends, drank copious amounts, and ended up in the hospital. I was super angry at him because I've been through so many awful emergencies with alcohol and I stuck to my boundary and he and his friends called me a bad girlfriend for not coming to see him at 3AM after he got his stomach pumped. Ever since then, I've been battling a dislike for his friends and a distrust of him and alcohol. I've been distancing myself from his friends, because all they do when they hang out is get drunk. They don't think I'm a good girlfriend anyway. I know I seem even worse to them now because I never show up. I feel like I've been traumatized by alcohol so many times and the people whose lives greatly include alcohol don't understand me.I guess my question is, can I go on in this way? Is it ok for me to just not go where I know there will be drinking? He hasn't been getting stupid drunk, the hospital stay seemed to effect him somewhat in that area. He doesn't drink heavily when he's with me, he will sip a vodka or something. He's not abusive like my ex. But my distrust and dislike is still there. I don't value his friends anymore, I don't have an interest in hanging out with them. I don't get to spend as much time with him because I don't want to go where he is or do what he's doing. What in the hell should I even tell him?Tl;dr - My social drinking boyfriend messed up while drinking with friends and now I can feel myself distancing from all of them because I don't value alcohol like they do and can't see past the mistakes
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