This is what I've learned from my previous relationship

Everyone says that every relationship that you have, either a good or a bad one, teaches you a lesson. However, it is easier said than done. We often think about how much we suffered, or how we wish we would've done things differently. Tonight, I stopped for a second, distanced myself from all the pain that I've been feeling, and made a list about everything that my previous 3 year old relationship has taught me. I hope you like, and feel free to share your thoughts! Here it is:

1. Love does not overcome everything. It takes a lot more than just loving someone, in order to make a relationship work.

2. You can love someone to death and still not wanting that person to be in your life ever again.

3. Respect is actually more important than trust. Let me explain. You can lie to someone and gain their trust again, even though it is hard (and it definitely depends on how much you ruined someone else's trust), but once you lose respect about someone else, it's almost impossible to respect them again. I mean, you can try, but in the long run, it will be a problem again.

4. Don't overlook the red flags. This happens mostly in the beginning of every relationship, you're so drunk in love with your partner that you try to brush off every red flag that you come across. Don't do it. It will only get worse over time.

5. If you're in a relationship, both of you will make time for each other, and neither of you will have to ask for it. Once you do, and you feel bad for asking your partner to do so, something's wrong.

6. Always be aware of the way that person treats their parents (especially their mom). They won't treat you any better than that. (obviously, I'm not referring to toxic family dynamics, that's a whole different thing).

7. Both of you can change throughout the relationship, and grow together as one. But, don't expect someone to change really rooted patterns. It will only hurt you, and your partner.

8. If you breakup with your SO, and he/she says "I'll change for you", don't give him/her another chance. Not only they won't change, but they should want to change for THEMSELVES, regardless of the outcome of your relationship.

9. Communication is the key to everything. If you're willing to talk things out and your partner is always trying to brush it off with a silly apology, your problems will only grow until they become unbearable.

10. Love yourself more than anyone else. If you don't, you'll become submissive and you'll lose your identity throughout the course of your relationship. You'll become more and more dependent on your partner, and it'll be a hundred times harder to say "enough is enough".

11. I believe in second chances. But you shouldn't give more than that. Once you do, they think you'll never leave and it'll only get worse.

12. Besides cheating, there are wounds that can never be healed. When you find yourself thinking about getting back with your ex, think about everything that has been said or done, and if you could look at that person differently. If not, then don't go back. You may miss that person, you may still love him/her, but sometimes, there's just too much damage.

Submitted April 26, 2020 at 12:02AM

Everyone says that every relationship that you have, either a good or a bad one, teaches you a lesson. However, it is easier said than done. We often think about how much we suffered, or how we wish we would've done things differently. Tonight, I stopped for a second, distanced myself from all the pain that I've been feeling, and made a list about everything that my previous 3 year old relationship has taught me. I hope you like, and feel free to share your thoughts! Here it is:Love does not overcome everything. It takes a lot more than just loving someone, in order to make a relationship work.You can love someone to death and still not wanting that person to be in your life ever again.Respect is actually more important than trust. Let me explain. You can lie to someone and gain their trust again, even though it is hard (and it definitely depends on how much you ruined someone else's trust), but once you lose respect about someone else, it's almost impossible to respect them again. I mean, you can try, but in the long run, it will be a problem again.Don't overlook the red flags. This happens mostly in the beginning of every relationship, you're so drunk in love with your partner that you try to brush off every red flag that you come across. Don't do it. It will only get worse over time.If you're in a relationship, both of you will make time for each other, and neither of you will have to ask for it. Once you do, and you feel bad for asking your partner to do so, something's wrong.Always be aware of the way that person treats their parents (especially their mom). They won't treat you any better than that. (obviously, I'm not referring to toxic family dynamics, that's a whole different thing).Both of you can change throughout the relationship, and grow together as one. But, don't expect someone to change really rooted patterns. It will only hurt you, and your partner.If you breakup with your SO, and he/she says "I'll change for you", don't give him/her another chance. Not only they won't change, but they should want to change for THEMSELVES, regardless of the outcome of your relationship.Communication is the key to everything. If you're willing to talk things out and your partner is always trying to brush it off with a silly apology, your problems will only grow until they become unbearable.Love yourself more than anyone else. If you don't, you'll become submissive and you'll lose your identity throughout the course of your relationship. You'll become more and more dependent on your partner, and it'll be a hundred times harder to say "enough is enough".I believe in second chances. But you shouldn't give more than that. Once you do, they think you'll never leave and it'll only get worse.Besides cheating, there are wounds that can never be healed. When you find yourself thinking about getting back with your ex, think about everything that has been said or done, and if you could look at that person differently. If not, then don't go back. You may miss that person, you may still love him/her, but sometimes, there's just too much damage.