(M18) "nice guy" gets rejected repeatedly, anxiety and self esteem issues

Hi, so I'm an 18 year old male. Before I really started trying to get a girlfriend I always assumed I'd do alright, people seem to like me as a person, I cage fight and box which I thought might give me some macho points haha, and although I'm not particularly attractive I'm not ugly, plus I'm quite arty.

However things have been very different, I've now been rejected by the first 8 girls I've been interested in, who I've either asked on dates or just to hang out (I'd consider "seriously interested in" as being the type of girls I had to spent at least 1-2 months getting to know and talking to, and who I had to spend time properly getting over after being rejected).

I'm very socially anxious and shy and have always struggled with talking to people, despite this I've luckily never seemed to have an issue making friends because, going by what my friends say, people find me mature, genuine and kind hearted.

The problem I seem to be having is that this doesn't really seem to appeal to girls.
I know that I definitely fit into a stereotype, I'm the nice guy who girls want to be friends with but have no interest in dating, but I don't really know what to do about it.

I think the nail in the coffin for me has been that the first girl who has ever reciprocated interest, who I happened to be very very in to, eventually admitted she had just felt too bad to reject me because I'm "too nice and lovely" and "the sweetest guy"... after over a month of lying and leading me on.

I know that no girl owes me anything just because I'm nice to them but it definitely can be quite hard not to become resentful or bitter. It all feels like a bit of a viscous cycle, where my confidence and self esteem is broken down further and further (making it even harder to talk to new girls) with each rejection.

TLDR; Been rejected by every girl I've been seriously into, very socially anxious, my personality seems to appeal to people as a friend but doesn't translate into attraction, a girl led me on purely cause she felt bad because she thought I was nice, repeated rejection making my social anxiety and self esteem issues a lot worse.

I guess my question really is, how can I be better at dating both as a guy with social anxiety and self esteem problems, and as a guy who's personality just doesn't seem to mesh well with dating.

Thankyou!



Submitted April 25, 2020 at 11:48PM

Hi, so I'm an 18 year old male. Before I really started trying to get a girlfriend I always assumed I'd do alright, people seem to like me as a person, I cage fight and box which I thought might give me some macho points haha, and although I'm not particularly attractive I'm not ugly, plus I'm quite arty.However things have been very different, I've now been rejected by the first 8 girls I've been interested in, who I've either asked on dates or just to hang out (I'd consider "seriously interested in" as being the type of girls I had to spent at least 1-2 months getting to know and talking to, and who I had to spend time properly getting over after being rejected).I'm very socially anxious and shy and have always struggled with talking to people, despite this I've luckily never seemed to have an issue making friends because, going by what my friends say, people find me mature, genuine and kind hearted.The problem I seem to be having is that this doesn't really seem to appeal to girls.I know that I definitely fit into a stereotype, I'm the nice guy who girls want to be friends with but have no interest in dating, but I don't really know what to do about it.I think the nail in the coffin for me has been that the first girl who has ever reciprocated interest, who I happened to be very very in to, eventually admitted she had just felt too bad to reject me because I'm "too nice and lovely" and "the sweetest guy"... after over a month of lying and leading me on.I know that no girl owes me anything just because I'm nice to them but it definitely can be quite hard not to become resentful or bitter. It all feels like a bit of a viscous cycle, where my confidence and self esteem is broken down further and further (making it even harder to talk to new girls) with each rejection.TLDR; Been rejected by every girl I've been seriously into, very socially anxious, my personality seems to appeal to people as a friend but doesn't translate into attraction, a girl led me on purely cause she felt bad because she thought I was nice, repeated rejection making my social anxiety and self esteem issues a lot worse.I guess my question really is, how can I be better at dating both as a guy with social anxiety and self esteem problems, and as a guy who's personality just doesn't seem to mesh well with dating.Thankyou!
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