Apologize even when you’re not wrong?

Hi everyone,

I am a guy who’s 25, and my girlfriend is 24. We’ve been dating for 4 months. Things are mostly great, we have amazing chemistry when it comes to the physical stuff. This is progressing very well, much faster than the emotional side of things, which is slowly progressing as well. We sometimes have issues with communication as I tend to be too blunt, she’s a bit emotional and likes things to be said in certain ways (i.e. cushioned). That’s fine, I am slowly adapting.

I was hoping I would get your view on apologies in general, and when they are due. I usually only apologize if I’m wrong. Sometimes it takes me a while to realize that I need to take some distance in order to know that I am wrong. Sometimes I react too quickly instead of listening. However, I believe that I really never let my ego take control. I really love and care about her, so I apologize when I realize/know that I’m wrong.

On the other hand, I do not believe I should apologize for something when I have done nothing wrong. She believes that apologizing is not only limited to being wrong, and that you can apologize when someone is hurt by something that is really not the other person’s fault. To me, saying “I’m sorry for making you feel that way” when you did nothing wrong cheapens the words “I’m sorry” and the meaning behind them. I’d rather say “I understand that this makes you feel bad, I won’t do this again.” That is if it’s some type of behavior that is not wrong in itself.

TL;DR: I know that people say that you apologize when you value the relationship more than your ego, but I don’t feel this has anything to do with my ego. It just doesn’t feel right to apologize when you’re not wrong. What do you think?

Thanks!

Edit: Structure and punctuation.



Submitted April 25, 2020 at 11:43PM

Hi everyone,I am a guy who’s 25, and my girlfriend is 24. We’ve been dating for 4 months. Things are mostly great, we have amazing chemistry when it comes to the physical stuff. This is progressing very well, much faster than the emotional side of things, which is slowly progressing as well. We sometimes have issues with communication as I tend to be too blunt, she’s a bit emotional and likes things to be said in certain ways (i.e. cushioned). That’s fine, I am slowly adapting.I was hoping I would get your view on apologies in general, and when they are due. I usually only apologize if I’m wrong. Sometimes it takes me a while to realize that I need to take some distance in order to know that I am wrong. Sometimes I react too quickly instead of listening. However, I believe that I really never let my ego take control. I really love and care about her, so I apologize when I realize/know that I’m wrong.On the other hand, I do not believe I should apologize for something when I have done nothing wrong. She believes that apologizing is not only limited to being wrong, and that you can apologize when someone is hurt by something that is really not the other person’s fault. To me, saying “I’m sorry for making you feel that way” when you did nothing wrong cheapens the words “I’m sorry” and the meaning behind them. I’d rather say “I understand that this makes you feel bad, I won’t do this again.” That is if it’s some type of behavior that is not wrong in itself.TL;DR: I know that people say that you apologize when you value the relationship more than your ego, but I don’t feel this has anything to do with my ego. It just doesn’t feel right to apologize when you’re not wrong. What do you think?Thanks!Edit: Structure and punctuation.
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