Apologize even when you’re not wrong?

Hi everyone,

I am a guy who’s 25, and my girlfriend is 24. We’ve been dating for 4 months. Things are mostly great, we have amazing chemistry when it comes to the physical stuff. This is progressing very well, much faster than the emotional side of things, which is slowly progressing as well. We sometimes have issues with communication as I tend to be too blunt, she’s a bit emotional and likes things to be said in certain ways (i.e. cushioned). That’s fine, I am slowly adapting.

I was hoping I would get your view on apologies in general, and when they are due. I usually only apologize if I’m wrong. Sometimes it takes me a while to realize that I need to take some distance in order to know that I am wrong. Sometimes I react too quickly instead of listening. However, I believe that I really never let my ego take control. I really love and care about her, so I apologize when I realize/know that I’m wrong.

On the other hand, I do not believe I should apologize for something when I have done nothing wrong. She believes that apologizing is not only limited to being wrong, and that you can apologize when someone is hurt by something that is really not the other person’s fault. To me, saying “I’m sorry for making you feel that way” when you did nothing wrong cheapens the words “I’m sorry” and the meaning behind them. I’d rather say “I understand that this makes you feel bad, I won’t do this again.” That is if it’s some type of behavior that is not wrong in itself.

TL;DR: I know that people say that you apologize when you value the relationship more than your ego, but I don’t feel this has anything to do with my ego. It just doesn’t feel right to apologize when you’re not wrong. What do you think?

Thanks!

Edit: Structure and punctuation.



Submitted April 25, 2020 at 11:43PM

Hi everyone,I am a guy who’s 25, and my girlfriend is 24. We’ve been dating for 4 months. Things are mostly great, we have amazing chemistry when it comes to the physical stuff. This is progressing very well, much faster than the emotional side of things, which is slowly progressing as well. We sometimes have issues with communication as I tend to be too blunt, she’s a bit emotional and likes things to be said in certain ways (i.e. cushioned). That’s fine, I am slowly adapting.I was hoping I would get your view on apologies in general, and when they are due. I usually only apologize if I’m wrong. Sometimes it takes me a while to realize that I need to take some distance in order to know that I am wrong. Sometimes I react too quickly instead of listening. However, I believe that I really never let my ego take control. I really love and care about her, so I apologize when I realize/know that I’m wrong.On the other hand, I do not believe I should apologize for something when I have done nothing wrong. She believes that apologizing is not only limited to being wrong, and that you can apologize when someone is hurt by something that is really not the other person’s fault. To me, saying “I’m sorry for making you feel that way” when you did nothing wrong cheapens the words “I’m sorry” and the meaning behind them. I’d rather say “I understand that this makes you feel bad, I won’t do this again.” That is if it’s some type of behavior that is not wrong in itself.TL;DR: I know that people say that you apologize when you value the relationship more than your ego, but I don’t feel this has anything to do with my ego. It just doesn’t feel right to apologize when you’re not wrong. What do you think?Thanks!Edit: Structure and punctuation.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more