Emotionally attached after first date

As silly as it sounds, yes, I got emotionally attached to someone whom I've only met once in person.

For some context, I'm a 23F who have not been in any long term serious relationship before. I've been actively looking for someone whom I can be in a long term serious relationship with, but things hadn't been working out very well, probably because I've been seeking these people on dating apps (?). In fact, I've only been on one date before this guy. Other times it's either I've been ghosted or I just couldn't vibe with them. Perhaps due to my over eagerness in finding 'the one' , I've noticed one pattern in myself when it comes to dating, which is getting too invested and emotionally attached too fast. This always happens even before I meet the other person in person. And of course, this often ends in heartbreaks, which is, I think, really silly but I just couldn't help it.

Anyway, as times go by I decided to stop insisting on seeking 'the one', but rather put myself out there and just see where life takes me. And then I matched with this guy (26M) on an app, and the conversation went really well. Despite originating from different cultural backgrounds, we have so much to talk about. We are so different yet have so much in common. I was upfront about my expectations in terms of intimacy, ie not going to have sex anytime soon and he was surprised but glad about my honesty, and said he was definitely not expecting sex unless I initiated although he did find me attractive. After a week or so of talking, we finally met up, and the date went really well. We hung out for almost 7 hours, and had long passionate kisses at the end of the date. For someone who long to be in a relationship and to do all the things that couples do, that one date really meant a lot to me. It felt really good to be desired, special and 'loved'. However, I also know deep down there isn't much possibility of us getting serious because I'm leaving the country for good in a few months time, although I had this tingly hope that if we are in love with each other enough, perhaps he would leave the country with me since he does love where I am from. (on hindsight, it was really dumb to have this hope at that stage, I know, I just couldn't help it. )

We both said we want to see each other again, and he suggested a few second date ideas. I was of course keen. We continued texting for a few days after the date, but he never brought up the possibility of second date again. Slowly his response rate dropped, and at one point he didn't reply me until a day later. I was devastated, and only then I realised I was really attached. My friends told me that I could ask him out instead, but the fact that he took a day to reply really affected my self-esteem, and so all I did was to subtly drop hint saying I miss you, and all he replied was I miss you too, without any follow up message. I tried keeping the conversation going, and his responses got slightly longer again, but was still super slow in replying and still didn't bring up a second date after a week. That's when I was really disappointed and didn't know what to do, so I stopped responding for a few days, until again he initiated the conversation, which reignited my hope. However, he stopped responding again after a few texts, and finally, I was ghosted. To be fair, he left the country for work after that and I figured he probably think there's no point in keeping in touch since we won't be seeing each other in a few months, or possibly, never again.

As crazy as it sounds, but I ended up crying for a few days and behaved like someone who broke up after a long serious relationship. Not only that, I behaved like a crazy ex and went on to stalk his social media, ended up finding out that he seemed to be doing what he had done to me before (leaving funny comments on girls' photos whom he just followed on there)I know this is not a big deal, and just because be made me felt special doesn't mean that I AM special. But I just couldn't help but feel sad.

I think my problem is I take every word he said too seriously, although he's likely to be flirting as he couldn't even remember something I've told him for at least twice. I know this is infatuation, but, it's really painful to end this way and I don't know how to move on. I really like spending time with him, and I thought we could at least met once before he left, but then things didn't turn out as what I expected it would, and all the 'what could have been' thoughts really hurt me. Whenever I walked home, I'd stare at the place where he parked his car and we kissed, or if I ever heard the song we both like, I'd feel sad. I know he would probably be saying what he said to me to other girls right now, or kiss them the way he kissed me. I really need help moving on, especially he had obviously moved on right now, but sometimes I couldn't help but wonder, if he genuinely had such a good time with me (which I really believe so, from the vibes and his texts few days right after the date), why would the interest rate drop all of a sudden, and now that he had left, do I ever cross his mind ever again? What am I to him? The time that we had spent together talking about almost anything and everything, those laughters, what are all those to him?

Tldr, how to get over someone whom you have not even dated.

Submitted March 04, 2020 at 11:05PM

As silly as it sounds, yes, I got emotionally attached to someone whom I've only met once in person.For some context, I'm a 23F who have not been in any long term serious relationship before. I've been actively looking for someone whom I can be in a long term serious relationship with, but things hadn't been working out very well, probably because I've been seeking these people on dating apps (?). In fact, I've only been on one date before this guy. Other times it's either I've been ghosted or I just couldn't vibe with them. Perhaps due to my over eagerness in finding 'the one' , I've noticed one pattern in myself when it comes to dating, which is getting too invested and emotionally attached too fast. This always happens even before I meet the other person in person. And of course, this often ends in heartbreaks, which is, I think, really silly but I just couldn't help it.Anyway, as times go by I decided to stop insisting on seeking 'the one', but rather put myself out there and just see where life takes me. And then I matched with this guy (26M) on an app, and the conversation went really well. Despite originating from different cultural backgrounds, we have so much to talk about. We are so different yet have so much in common. I was upfront about my expectations in terms of intimacy, ie not going to have sex anytime soon and he was surprised but glad about my honesty, and said he was definitely not expecting sex unless I initiated although he did find me attractive. After a week or so of talking, we finally met up, and the date went really well. We hung out for almost 7 hours, and had long passionate kisses at the end of the date. For someone who long to be in a relationship and to do all the things that couples do, that one date really meant a lot to me. It felt really good to be desired, special and 'loved'. However, I also know deep down there isn't much possibility of us getting serious because I'm leaving the country for good in a few months time, although I had this tingly hope that if we are in love with each other enough, perhaps he would leave the country with me since he does love where I am from. (on hindsight, it was really dumb to have this hope at that stage, I know, I just couldn't help it. )We both said we want to see each other again, and he suggested a few second date ideas. I was of course keen. We continued texting for a few days after the date, but he never brought up the possibility of second date again. Slowly his response rate dropped, and at one point he didn't reply me until a day later. I was devastated, and only then I realised I was really attached. My friends told me that I could ask him out instead, but the fact that he took a day to reply really affected my self-esteem, and so all I did was to subtly drop hint saying I miss you, and all he replied was I miss you too, without any follow up message. I tried keeping the conversation going, and his responses got slightly longer again, but was still super slow in replying and still didn't bring up a second date after a week. That's when I was really disappointed and didn't know what to do, so I stopped responding for a few days, until again he initiated the conversation, which reignited my hope. However, he stopped responding again after a few texts, and finally, I was ghosted. To be fair, he left the country for work after that and I figured he probably think there's no point in keeping in touch since we won't be seeing each other in a few months, or possibly, never again.As crazy as it sounds, but I ended up crying for a few days and behaved like someone who broke up after a long serious relationship. Not only that, I behaved like a crazy ex and went on to stalk his social media, ended up finding out that he seemed to be doing what he had done to me before (leaving funny comments on girls' photos whom he just followed on there)I know this is not a big deal, and just because be made me felt special doesn't mean that I AM special. But I just couldn't help but feel sad.I think my problem is I take every word he said too seriously, although he's likely to be flirting as he couldn't even remember something I've told him for at least twice. I know this is infatuation, but, it's really painful to end this way and I don't know how to move on. I really like spending time with him, and I thought we could at least met once before he left, but then things didn't turn out as what I expected it would, and all the 'what could have been' thoughts really hurt me. Whenever I walked home, I'd stare at the place where he parked his car and we kissed, or if I ever heard the song we both like, I'd feel sad. I know he would probably be saying what he said to me to other girls right now, or kiss them the way he kissed me. I really need help moving on, especially he had obviously moved on right now, but sometimes I couldn't help but wonder, if he genuinely had such a good time with me (which I really believe so, from the vibes and his texts few days right after the date), why would the interest rate drop all of a sudden, and now that he had left, do I ever cross his mind ever again? What am I to him? The time that we had spent together talking about almost anything and everything, those laughters, what are all those to him?Tldr, how to get over someone whom you have not even dated.