My (25F) partner (23M) is terrible at communicating during conflict

For context, we have been dating for 4 years. I was his first everything so we tried an open relationship last year which went terribly wrong because he broke the rules [Perhaps one for another thread]. We broke up but still love each other a lot so we decided to give the relationship another go.

I'm just going to copy and paste the text conversation we had. This took place the day before New Year's Eve.

Me: What's happening tomorrow?
Him: Me and ___ got tickets for [club], assumed you weren't gonna be doing anything cos you're ill AF
M: ...You didn't think to ask?
H: I mean you're still welcome to come with, nothing stopping ya
M: Or consider I might want to stay in?
M: Why do you think that's acceptable?
H: Think what is acceptable? I haven't done anything. What do you think is unacceptable? ;s
M: Booking tickets to go out without thinking about me?
H: I thought about you, I thought you're rather sick and won't wanna go
M: Therefore you're going without me?
H:Unless you still wanna come, you can get a ticket
M: I don't think you're getting the point
M: What about what I want to do????
H: I guess I just thought you'd be too ill to do anything
M: I can't be bothered to explain to you why I'm hurt. If it's not obvious there's no point
H: I do get your point. Are you coming tomorrow?
M: Explain then
H: I don't really want to continue this
M: What's 'this'?
H: ...the conversation
M: Why? I'm hurt, and you don't seem to care
H: I thought one thing. I was wrong, clearly. I accept my mistake and we move on
M: There is no apology. And what are you doing to correct your mistake?
H: I'm asking you if you're coming
M: If you think this is fixing it then I don't think you do understand. That's not what you should be asking. You should have asked me what I want to do for NYE, not book something and then ask if I want to join. Are you saying because I'm ill you want to go out without me?
H: Yes you were ill so I assumed I was just gonna go without you
M: So you thought I'd want to spend NYE alone? When we've spent every nye together thus far
H: Well you'd be at home I wouldn't say "alone" but yes I assumed you wouldn't have a problem with me going out whilst you were ill and unable to
M: So it never crossed your mind to stay in with me? You said you didn't even want to go out
H: Erm, I guess not..? Standard thing to do is go out so I just defaulted to that
M: So you don't want to spend it with me if I'm too ill to go out?
H: That's not what I said. Stop spinning it.
M: I'm not spinning it, I'm asking you. I'm trying to understand you and have a conversation. It's called communication love
H: Your method of communication is rather blunt and accusational
M: I'm accusing you of not asking me what I want to do before you make plans, which is exactly what you have done. I'm hardly gonna be pleasant about it am I? It sure beats your method of communication.
M: Answer the question then
H: I'd rather go out than stay in tomorrow, yes
M: Well I guess that's that then. I would rather be with somebody who would prefer to spend it with me.
M: I don't understand why you've said I'm spinning it/accusing you when you literally just confirmed what I said
H: Well that's what we call an overreaction...
M: How am I overreacting for wanting my partner to want to spend nye with me? 😂
H: I want mine to want me to enjoy NYE with my friends whilst they're ill. That's how I would be.
M: Yeah but I'm not ill to the point where I can't do anything, I'm just not in the state to go clubbing. And if you were ill, I would put you first, or at least have a discussion with you about it. And at the very least not speak to you like shit about it and make out like you're being unreasonable. Jesus do you wanna date a robot instead?
H: I don't mean to, sorry.

Since then we have barely spoken, it's clear that I am upset still and he hasn't done anything to resolve the issue, just making mindless conversation like everything is fine. Am I overreacting? Should I be okay with him going out on NYE without me if I'm too ill? I might have been okay about it if he had just spoken to me first. Or if he acknowledged the fact that I was and still am upset. Or if he was willing to compromise. Or if he said he was sorry without me having to prompt. Or if he didn't make me feel bad for wanting to spend NYE with him. I know that I am a little aggressive in my responses to him but I'm hurt by the lack of communication and consideration.

TL;DR - Partner made NYE plans without me because I'm ill, didn't talk to me first, didn't acknowledge my feelings or apologise.

Submitted January 01, 2020 at 11:56PM

For context, we have been dating for 4 years. I was his first everything so we tried an open relationship last year which went terribly wrong because he broke the rules [Perhaps one for another thread]. We broke up but still love each other a lot so we decided to give the relationship another go.I'm just going to copy and paste the text conversation we had. This took place the day before New Year's Eve.Me: What's happening tomorrow?Him: Me and ___ got tickets for [club], assumed you weren't gonna be doing anything cos you're ill AFM: ...You didn't think to ask?H: I mean you're still welcome to come with, nothing stopping yaM: Or consider I might want to stay in?M: Why do you think that's acceptable?H: Think what is acceptable? I haven't done anything. What do you think is unacceptable? ;sM: Booking tickets to go out without thinking about me?H: I thought about you, I thought you're rather sick and won't wanna goM: Therefore you're going without me?H:Unless you still wanna come, you can get a ticketM: I don't think you're getting the pointM: What about what I want to do????H: I guess I just thought you'd be too ill to do anythingM: I can't be bothered to explain to you why I'm hurt. If it's not obvious there's no pointH: I do get your point. Are you coming tomorrow?M: Explain thenH: I don't really want to continue thisM: What's 'this'?H: ...the conversationM: Why? I'm hurt, and you don't seem to careH: I thought one thing. I was wrong, clearly. I accept my mistake and we move onM: There is no apology. And what are you doing to correct your mistake?H: I'm asking you if you're comingM: If you think this is fixing it then I don't think you do understand. That's not what you should be asking. You should have asked me what I want to do for NYE, not book something and then ask if I want to join. Are you saying because I'm ill you want to go out without me?H: Yes you were ill so I assumed I was just gonna go without youM: So you thought I'd want to spend NYE alone? When we've spent every nye together thus farH: Well you'd be at home I wouldn't say "alone" but yes I assumed you wouldn't have a problem with me going out whilst you were ill and unable toM: So it never crossed your mind to stay in with me? You said you didn't even want to go outH: Erm, I guess not..? Standard thing to do is go out so I just defaulted to thatM: So you don't want to spend it with me if I'm too ill to go out?H: That's not what I said. Stop spinning it.M: I'm not spinning it, I'm asking you. I'm trying to understand you and have a conversation. It's called communication loveH: Your method of communication is rather blunt and accusationalM: I'm accusing you of not asking me what I want to do before you make plans, which is exactly what you have done. I'm hardly gonna be pleasant about it am I? It sure beats your method of communication.M: Answer the question thenH: I'd rather go out than stay in tomorrow, yesM: Well I guess that's that then. I would rather be with somebody who would prefer to spend it with me.M: I don't understand why you've said I'm spinning it/accusing you when you literally just confirmed what I saidH: Well that's what we call an overreaction...M: How am I overreacting for wanting my partner to want to spend nye with me? 😂H: I want mine to want me to enjoy NYE with my friends whilst they're ill. That's how I would be.M: Yeah but I'm not ill to the point where I can't do anything, I'm just not in the state to go clubbing. And if you were ill, I would put you first, or at least have a discussion with you about it. And at the very least not speak to you like shit about it and make out like you're being unreasonable. Jesus do you wanna date a robot instead?H: I don't mean to, sorry.Since then we have barely spoken, it's clear that I am upset still and he hasn't done anything to resolve the issue, just making mindless conversation like everything is fine. Am I overreacting? Should I be okay with him going out on NYE without me if I'm too ill? I might have been okay about it if he had just spoken to me first. Or if he acknowledged the fact that I was and still am upset. Or if he was willing to compromise. Or if he said he was sorry without me having to prompt. Or if he didn't make me feel bad for wanting to spend NYE with him. I know that I am a little aggressive in my responses to him but I'm hurt by the lack of communication and consideration.TL;DR - Partner made NYE plans without me because I'm ill, didn't talk to me first, didn't acknowledge my feelings or apologise.