SO [17M] and I [18F] are going through a breakup about a week in now. Am currently waiting to see him in person so that we may work things out. How would I go about talking to him knowing that I still want to fix this?

Hi all, been a longtime lurker of Reddit and was hoping to keep it that way until, well, now.

My SO and I have been together for a year and six months thus far, we were best friends, stopped talking for a few months due to crazy ex, and got together a few months after getting to know each other again, all while in high school. Our history has been... complicated, but we managed to work things out and have a strong relationship until about July, where things just began to fall out.

Some background about me that lead to us breaking up: I have terrible mood swings, bouts of depression that get worse over the summer as I cut off contact with practically everyone I know (save for SO) and it, I feel, got us to the point where we are now. I've never been able to see a psychiatrist or get help despite asking and wanting to due to extremely strict parents.

Back to July, my mood swings began to get really bad and certain things just... irked me and made me flip to the point where I'm talking out of my ass and I have little control over it. Things like not talking on the phone on occasion or him not letting me know when he is going to sleep so that way I'm not waiting around to see if he will reply or not made me petty, whether I realized it or not. But we saw each other throughout the summer, sort of talked things out (which should have been full out heart-to-hearts, but hindsight is always 20-20) so things were okay. We were getting ready to transition, me to college, and him his last year of high school and not being able to see each other as much as we used to due to our conflicting schedules.

Come August and the beginning of school, we manage to see each other since he hasn't started after-school activities and I had my own bus pass to come from home to school (I go to school relatively close to the area). Things, again, going smoothly.

Well, then came 2 weeks ago when we were talking and I got upset with the fact that it seemed like, yet again, I had to carry conversations between us over text. I usually do and don't mind, but for whatever reason, that ugly side reared its head and I went with it. I said that we should maybe quit while we're ahead and just end things. I told him I wasn't feeling it. He didn't want to, we went back and forth, he told me he was feeling the same (in the same conversation) and the remainder of the week after had little interaction. It was hard for me. With school, home, and now this, I just... yeah, it was fucking terrible.

We talked, I told him I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to kill myself. He said he was there for me, the usual. I calmed down. It struck a chord with me and I wanted to talk to him again and fix things. So, we did. He told me he now didn't know about this and it also struck something in me again and I told him I wasn't going to wait for him again and bunch of other stupid shit. I called him selfish and a "sorry excuse for a man" and looking back, I regret it so much. He was considering it until then and he told me that it seemed like just when he was considering things it seemed like he was the bad guy for doing so. I freaked out and started spamming him telling him I was sorry and that I didn't mean it, but I really wasn't in my right mind. I was freaking the fuck out, I don't even want to look back at the messages that night because I know it's just fucking gibberish I didn't even think about typing in the moment.

So, it seems as if he is done. He tells me he is sorry but now he is fixed on thinking it's for the best. Me, now being stable and having my ass snap out of it, don't think it is. I've been talking to mutual friend who thinks the same, but... I want to talk things through in person, even if it's one last time. Not that I want it to be at all, but for the closure at the very least.

Ever since this weekend has just been me trying to convince him to at least come and talk to me in person (when we talk in person about our issues, it gets resolved, we laugh about something or start smiling and it's essentially the endgame of our issues) and I finally got him to agree to it. He doesn't know when he will be free, but I told him I would wait until he was ready.

Now today (sorry for all the timeskips btw) has us still talking as if things were normal. Last night, I asked when I could see him again because as much as I did not want to be pushy, it was killing me from the inside out to know that the clock was ticking for me, and time is cruel. He said he will give me the opportunity, but he does not know when time will be on our side. Alright, I calmed down. I then started talking about the future and other things about us that I failed to tell him before this shitstorm. Not trying to get brownie points, but just letting him know just to let him know. I told him I was also sorry for everything and that it wasn't me when I said those hurtful things. I told him I'm working on getting help now that I have some form of mobility and that I regret everything that happened because I got complacent with feeling like shit and letting it consume me. I don't know if it got to him, but he said he forgave me, and said the real question was if I would forgive myself. I don't know, to be answered another day.

Anyway, now I'm at his mercy and waiting until that day. I've been reconnecting with people and trying not to think about it. I know our relationship can go as far as we wished for it to (yes, we're young and maybe a little stupid but he said he wanted this to last a long time, me being a romantic, am trying my hardest to make that a reality) and now it's my turn to be in his shoes and go against the odds. I owe it to him to try at least. A mutual friend of ours has doubts, but I think if we see each other, we can work something out. And I want to. None of the hurt was by my intentions and I want to better myself. We have a strong bond, this weird sense of belonging, and have fun even doing the most mundane of shit like eating lunch in a shitty KFC. We can last, I know. I know I can't convince him, but I am going to still try and work something out because this relationship means a lot to me. Rock bottom, where else to go but up? We've came up from a lot of shit, and I have hope.

But at the same time, even with this conviction I have. I'm still unsure. I know I want this to work, I know we can work if we talk things out like always and work out our schedules to make time for each other. A part of me feels as if he knows if we see each other, we are more than likely going to work things out (that's how it usually goes) and that's why he was refusing me before. I don't want him to be afraid of me because of shit I can't control. But I know there's something still here between us. If he really wanted this to be over, I don't think he would want to see me. That's just not him. Or, that might just me being hopeful, not too sure.

I just don't know what to do. I know I need to at least try, but that's about it.

(Sorry for the extremely long post, but getting it off my chest is... extremely relieving)

TL;DR: SO and I are post-breakup and my mental problems have largely caused the rift between us. He finally agreed to talk to me in person, date TBD, but I'm not sure where to go from here. All I know is that I know I need to see him and that I have the most conviction than I've ever had in my life, I want this to work out more than anything and I know it can. Not sure about everything else, though...

Thank you for reading :)

Submitted September 11, 2019 at 11:07PM

Hi all, been a longtime lurker of Reddit and was hoping to keep it that way until, well, now.My SO and I have been together for a year and six months thus far, we were best friends, stopped talking for a few months due to crazy ex, and got together a few months after getting to know each other again, all while in high school. Our history has been... complicated, but we managed to work things out and have a strong relationship until about July, where things just began to fall out.Some background about me that lead to us breaking up: I have terrible mood swings, bouts of depression that get worse over the summer as I cut off contact with practically everyone I know (save for SO) and it, I feel, got us to the point where we are now. I've never been able to see a psychiatrist or get help despite asking and wanting to due to extremely strict parents.Back to July, my mood swings began to get really bad and certain things just... irked me and made me flip to the point where I'm talking out of my ass and I have little control over it. Things like not talking on the phone on occasion or him not letting me know when he is going to sleep so that way I'm not waiting around to see if he will reply or not made me petty, whether I realized it or not. But we saw each other throughout the summer, sort of talked things out (which should have been full out heart-to-hearts, but hindsight is always 20-20) so things were okay. We were getting ready to transition, me to college, and him his last year of high school and not being able to see each other as much as we used to due to our conflicting schedules.Come August and the beginning of school, we manage to see each other since he hasn't started after-school activities and I had my own bus pass to come from home to school (I go to school relatively close to the area). Things, again, going smoothly.Well, then came 2 weeks ago when we were talking and I got upset with the fact that it seemed like, yet again, I had to carry conversations between us over text. I usually do and don't mind, but for whatever reason, that ugly side reared its head and I went with it. I said that we should maybe quit while we're ahead and just end things. I told him I wasn't feeling it. He didn't want to, we went back and forth, he told me he was feeling the same (in the same conversation) and the remainder of the week after had little interaction. It was hard for me. With school, home, and now this, I just... yeah, it was fucking terrible.We talked, I told him I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to kill myself. He said he was there for me, the usual. I calmed down. It struck a chord with me and I wanted to talk to him again and fix things. So, we did. He told me he now didn't know about this and it also struck something in me again and I told him I wasn't going to wait for him again and bunch of other stupid shit. I called him selfish and a "sorry excuse for a man" and looking back, I regret it so much. He was considering it until then and he told me that it seemed like just when he was considering things it seemed like he was the bad guy for doing so. I freaked out and started spamming him telling him I was sorry and that I didn't mean it, but I really wasn't in my right mind. I was freaking the fuck out, I don't even want to look back at the messages that night because I know it's just fucking gibberish I didn't even think about typing in the moment.So, it seems as if he is done. He tells me he is sorry but now he is fixed on thinking it's for the best. Me, now being stable and having my ass snap out of it, don't think it is. I've been talking to mutual friend who thinks the same, but... I want to talk things through in person, even if it's one last time. Not that I want it to be at all, but for the closure at the very least.Ever since this weekend has just been me trying to convince him to at least come and talk to me in person (when we talk in person about our issues, it gets resolved, we laugh about something or start smiling and it's essentially the endgame of our issues) and I finally got him to agree to it. He doesn't know when he will be free, but I told him I would wait until he was ready.Now today (sorry for all the timeskips btw) has us still talking as if things were normal. Last night, I asked when I could see him again because as much as I did not want to be pushy, it was killing me from the inside out to know that the clock was ticking for me, and time is cruel. He said he will give me the opportunity, but he does not know when time will be on our side. Alright, I calmed down. I then started talking about the future and other things about us that I failed to tell him before this shitstorm. Not trying to get brownie points, but just letting him know just to let him know. I told him I was also sorry for everything and that it wasn't me when I said those hurtful things. I told him I'm working on getting help now that I have some form of mobility and that I regret everything that happened because I got complacent with feeling like shit and letting it consume me. I don't know if it got to him, but he said he forgave me, and said the real question was if I would forgive myself. I don't know, to be answered another day.Anyway, now I'm at his mercy and waiting until that day. I've been reconnecting with people and trying not to think about it. I know our relationship can go as far as we wished for it to (yes, we're young and maybe a little stupid but he said he wanted this to last a long time, me being a romantic, am trying my hardest to make that a reality) and now it's my turn to be in his shoes and go against the odds. I owe it to him to try at least. A mutual friend of ours has doubts, but I think if we see each other, we can work something out. And I want to. None of the hurt was by my intentions and I want to better myself. We have a strong bond, this weird sense of belonging, and have fun even doing the most mundane of shit like eating lunch in a shitty KFC. We can last, I know. I know I can't convince him, but I am going to still try and work something out because this relationship means a lot to me. Rock bottom, where else to go but up? We've came up from a lot of shit, and I have hope.But at the same time, even with this conviction I have. I'm still unsure. I know I want this to work, I know we can work if we talk things out like always and work out our schedules to make time for each other. A part of me feels as if he knows if we see each other, we are more than likely going to work things out (that's how it usually goes) and that's why he was refusing me before. I don't want him to be afraid of me because of shit I can't control. But I know there's something still here between us. If he really wanted this to be over, I don't think he would want to see me. That's just not him. Or, that might just me being hopeful, not too sure.I just don't know what to do. I know I need to at least try, but that's about it.(Sorry for the extremely long post, but getting it off my chest is... extremely relieving)TL;DR: SO and I are post-breakup and my mental problems have largely caused the rift between us. He finally agreed to talk to me in person, date TBD, but I'm not sure where to go from here. All I know is that I know I need to see him and that I have the most conviction than I've ever had in my life, I want this to work out more than anything and I know it can. Not sure about everything else, though...Thank you for reading :)