(26f)my boyfriend (26m) of (5m) does mdma almost daily and I really want to break up due to this and his previous cheating but I don’t know how and I’m scared of what follows

A bit of background: we both live on an island where it’s very touristic and partying is a huge thing here

Anyway so, this is my second relationship ever and before I met him I was trying to get my life on track by not drinking so much and limiting my use of recreational drugs which I successfully managed for two years I’m still a student and I will be back in uni in less than three weeks, he’s a bartender usually but he’s been unemployed for most of the summer and pretty much sleeps on friends couches

I feel like our relationship revolves around partying at this point, which I really do enjoy but it just feels like I’m trapped and I really want to get out. All he does and talks about is drugs, he’s always doing mdma (5x a week almost) and while at first it was fun, I feel like now I’m just bored of it all (the drug experiences and him)

I also feel like he has no respect for me in general because he’s always trying to have sex with my friends and once he succeeded, which left me really devastated but I guess I ended up making peace with it

The fucked up thing is, I really do know that I deserve better than this but for some reason what’s keeping me from breaking up is that I feel like I won’t meet anyone for a long time and I’ll feel hopelessly lonely, i know this to be my irrational brain speaking but I still believe it! I also feel slightly jealous that he has friendships with some friends I know and I know that the second we break up he will be hooking up with them which makes me feel even worse for being so invested in someone who’s not invested in me

I really want advice from a neutral party as to how I should proceed with the break up and what to expect after, I’ve been saying I want to do it but I can’t seem to find the strength

Do those shitty feelings subside? Will I feel ‘good’ again being by myself like I used to?

Thanks

Tl;dr- BF is a huge party guy/recreational mdma user and I feel over the whole thing but I don’t know how to leave?



Submitted September 11, 2019 at 11:56PM

A bit of background: we both live on an island where it’s very touristic and partying is a huge thing hereAnyway so, this is my second relationship ever and before I met him I was trying to get my life on track by not drinking so much and limiting my use of recreational drugs which I successfully managed for two years I’m still a student and I will be back in uni in less than three weeks, he’s a bartender usually but he’s been unemployed for most of the summer and pretty much sleeps on friends couchesI feel like our relationship revolves around partying at this point, which I really do enjoy but it just feels like I’m trapped and I really want to get out. All he does and talks about is drugs, he’s always doing mdma (5x a week almost) and while at first it was fun, I feel like now I’m just bored of it all (the drug experiences and him)I also feel like he has no respect for me in general because he’s always trying to have sex with my friends and once he succeeded, which left me really devastated but I guess I ended up making peace with itThe fucked up thing is, I really do know that I deserve better than this but for some reason what’s keeping me from breaking up is that I feel like I won’t meet anyone for a long time and I’ll feel hopelessly lonely, i know this to be my irrational brain speaking but I still believe it! I also feel slightly jealous that he has friendships with some friends I know and I know that the second we break up he will be hooking up with them which makes me feel even worse for being so invested in someone who’s not invested in meI really want advice from a neutral party as to how I should proceed with the break up and what to expect after, I’ve been saying I want to do it but I can’t seem to find the strengthDo those shitty feelings subside? Will I feel ‘good’ again being by myself like I used to?ThanksTl;dr- BF is a huge party guy/recreational mdma user and I feel over the whole thing but I don’t know how to leave?
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