My now ex-wife [34f] and I [34m] got divorced earlier this year after 5 years of marriage. I'm doing the self-care you should do, but I'm also still having difficulty feeling impatient with myself and moving on. I was wondering if anyone here had advice.

My ex-wife and I got divorced earlier this year after 5 years of marriage. Neither of us cheated (as far as I know). I'm not really sure what happened because I don't know her mind, but I didn't want things to be hard on her so I gave her an uncontested divorce when she asked for it. That said, I am upset because she kept my last name. She claimed she kept it because she established her professionally under it. We haven't lived with each other or even spoken to each other in over half a year. This is mainly because I told her that with the way she had behaved I felt like she damaged any trust I had in her and how she would treat me even as a friend.

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Since then, I've been doing all the things I should do for self-care. Exercising. Doing activities I enjoy. Seeing a therapist. Meeting new people and getting out of my comfort zone socially (This has been a little challenging because my ex kept us pretty isolated. She didn't want to do anything with new people unless it was job-related). Experiencing new things. I've even been approached some by women who have expressed interest, which is flattering. That said, I'm having trouble being patient with myself. I am able to acknowledge my own feelings and process them, but I end up being hard on myself for not feeling like I'm progressing as fast as I want to. I can recognize the things I've done and the progress I've made. I feel like I'm just being hard on myself. I was wondering if anyone here had any recommendations.

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TL;DR - My ex-wife [34f] and I [34m] got divorced after 5 years of marriage. It's been over 6 months. I've been doing self-care, and I recognize that I need to be patient with myself, but I'm still hard on myself at times. I was looking for advice on ways to be more lenient with myself.



Submitted September 11, 2019 at 11:48PM

My ex-wife and I got divorced earlier this year after 5 years of marriage. Neither of us cheated (as far as I know). I'm not really sure what happened because I don't know her mind, but I didn't want things to be hard on her so I gave her an uncontested divorce when she asked for it. That said, I am upset because she kept my last name. She claimed she kept it because she established her professionally under it. We haven't lived with each other or even spoken to each other in over half a year. This is mainly because I told her that with the way she had behaved I felt like she damaged any trust I had in her and how she would treat me even as a friend.​​Since then, I've been doing all the things I should do for self-care. Exercising. Doing activities I enjoy. Seeing a therapist. Meeting new people and getting out of my comfort zone socially (This has been a little challenging because my ex kept us pretty isolated. She didn't want to do anything with new people unless it was job-related). Experiencing new things. I've even been approached some by women who have expressed interest, which is flattering. That said, I'm having trouble being patient with myself. I am able to acknowledge my own feelings and process them, but I end up being hard on myself for not feeling like I'm progressing as fast as I want to. I can recognize the things I've done and the progress I've made. I feel like I'm just being hard on myself. I was wondering if anyone here had any recommendations.​TL;DR - My ex-wife [34f] and I [34m] got divorced after 5 years of marriage. It's been over 6 months. I've been doing self-care, and I recognize that I need to be patient with myself, but I'm still hard on myself at times. I was looking for advice on ways to be more lenient with myself.
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