Bit of a bedroom problem, need help communicating

So I [30m] am having a bit of a bedroom problem with my [28f] girlfriend. She is a very smart, beautiful individual, but very awkward and quiet. We've been dating for about 9 months now and things are great outside of the bedroom. But inside, things feel fragile. It feels like there is a lack of connection on my part.

For starters, she doesn't make much sound so I don't know if she is actually enjoying herself. I also like rougher stuff but have been doing less and less over time because I get no response and I don't know if she likes it, to the point where sex has become kind of vanilla and dry. We've talked about making sound and communicating during sex, and she actually made a comment the other night about how she misses when I would get rough with her [slapping, tossing, etc]. The problem is, it doesn't feel enjoyable to me. And this is something that I have always enjoyed. It doesn't feel right to do that with her. It's like there is no passion.

Then there is foreplay. I feel like this is a fine line that makes or breaks our sex. She said she doesn't like too many kisses/groping and that it does nothing for her, but it doesn't take a long time [like 5 minutes] of that to go over that barrier. To be honest I've never dated someone like that; usually it's the opposite. So I've been doing less and less but now it's not enough to get her in the mood. I just want to be intimate with her, and it's really frustrating to not be able to get to that level.

Maybe our dating history can help with the picture. She hasn't really dated much and has only had a handful of partners. I'm on the opposite side of that spectrum. Maybe it's an experience thing? I'm used to communicating well and understanding my partner, but I'm having trouble understanding her. I don't know. I really like this girl, I just want to break through whatever it is we're going through.

So how can I talk to her about this? We've already talked about making noise, what we like, what we want...it just doesn't seem like it's working.

Tldr: having communication issues, lack of passion, want to fix and be intimate with her

Submitted September 11, 2019 at 10:58PM

So I [30m] am having a bit of a bedroom problem with my [28f] girlfriend. She is a very smart, beautiful individual, but very awkward and quiet. We've been dating for about 9 months now and things are great outside of the bedroom. But inside, things feel fragile. It feels like there is a lack of connection on my part.For starters, she doesn't make much sound so I don't know if she is actually enjoying herself. I also like rougher stuff but have been doing less and less over time because I get no response and I don't know if she likes it, to the point where sex has become kind of vanilla and dry. We've talked about making sound and communicating during sex, and she actually made a comment the other night about how she misses when I would get rough with her [slapping, tossing, etc]. The problem is, it doesn't feel enjoyable to me. And this is something that I have always enjoyed. It doesn't feel right to do that with her. It's like there is no passion.Then there is foreplay. I feel like this is a fine line that makes or breaks our sex. She said she doesn't like too many kisses/groping and that it does nothing for her, but it doesn't take a long time [like 5 minutes] of that to go over that barrier. To be honest I've never dated someone like that; usually it's the opposite. So I've been doing less and less but now it's not enough to get her in the mood. I just want to be intimate with her, and it's really frustrating to not be able to get to that level.Maybe our dating history can help with the picture. She hasn't really dated much and has only had a handful of partners. I'm on the opposite side of that spectrum. Maybe it's an experience thing? I'm used to communicating well and understanding my partner, but I'm having trouble understanding her. I don't know. I really like this girl, I just want to break through whatever it is we're going through.So how can I talk to her about this? We've already talked about making noise, what we like, what we want...it just doesn't seem like it's working.Tldr: having communication issues, lack of passion, want to fix and be intimate with her