My (F26) husband (M32) is frustrated with me because I keep trying to understand things that seem to have never made sense but I feel like I can’t move forward without that closure.

We have been married for 7 years. The problem that I have been dealing with for almost a year now and it’s literally making me insane. My husband has supposedly been free of porn and adult content since June 2018 after being caught with a secret kik, Snapchat, Reddit account, and email...

Before this I caught him masturbating to porn in our bed and that he had been paying for a premium porn subscription, he admitted that he had a problem and that explained why our relationship and sex life seemed almost none existent.. in June he only admitted to the kik but obviously it doesn’t save all of the conversations once you log out so all I got to see were the people he had exchanged messages, pictures, and videos with...

I found out later on he had also used another email to post ads of me on a Reddit thread to trade pictures and videos of me with other people in exchange for their pics and vids of their wife/girlfriend. That’s how I found out about the Snapchat account and whatever else, but at first he told me he had deleted everything and deactivated his accounts when I found out about the kik in June. (It was September at this time when I found the other things)...

As it turns out he didn’t actually deactivate his Snapchat because he had deactivated his email account first and then when he tried to cancel his Snapchat account he couldn’t because the email on file was inactive. Sooooo I managed to get into his Snapchat and that was God awful obviously, seeing the things he shared and what all they discussed... but I went to the settings and downloaded the Snapchat data to see the devices he had used to log in on it and the dates. I saw that the last two times he had logged in was on an android tablet.

I remembered we had 2 Android tablets before we got our iPads, but we hadn’t used them and had put them away because the iPads were better obviously... so I had forgotten about them. The iPads stay home with me and our two girls, they play on them and we never really use them.. so he doesn’t have his with him at work BUT he finally admitted after trying to say that his account must have been hacked cause it was him 🤦🏼‍♀️ but it really was and it turns out that even though he new damn well he wasn’t supposed to have any other devices except his personal cell and work phone which both had covenant eyes on them... he had it up there from January 2018-September 2018..

I confronted him about the tablet on file and he admitted to it (after trying to lie) and he said that he had actually thrown the tablet away 2 weeks ago on the same day he logged in last onto Snapchat, that it wasn’t working good or keeping a charge and he was tired of having that temptation so he walked outside and threw it into a dumpster at work, so basically I would NEVER KNOW what the hell really happened to it or where it was!!!!

THEN he told me months later that he lied about when he threw it away, that he didn’t actually throw it away two weeks before our confrontation but that he actually threw it away that same day when I told him I knew he had used it, so instead of doing the right thing and bringing it home to give me closure he took it upon himself to “throw it away” and lie about the dates because he knew if I thought he threw it away weeks before that I wouldn’t be able to ask him to bring it home!

I’m not allowed at his workplace or I would have already gone up there randomly but he works night shift at a plant where he is a manager and has his own desk area and drawers.. that’s when he did most of his acting out too is when he was away at night!

I remembered that the tablet was connected to one of our emails we used when we first got them so I downloaded all of the data from our email accounts and there is no sign of that tablet being used or transferring data since feb-March of 2018! It’s like it just disappeared... I remembered that there was a questionable email address that Samsung account had pulled up along with his other email I knew about and I’ve never seen the “bst****@gmail” before in my life... so I put two and two together and realized he could have switched the tablet information over to that “bst” email and used it to go through instead to cover his tracks..

I guess I will never know because he says he “doesn’t remember” creating that email and that he doesn’t think he used a different email on the tablet but that’s it’s “possible” and that he did do a reset on it when he took it to work “because it was so slow”..... so now I sit here realizing that I will never know exactly when he threw it away or if he ever really did... not having closure to a situation makes it so hard to move on. I don’t know what to do 😞

TL;DR Husband doesn’t understand why I can’t let this go but I feel like it’s understandable for someone who has been betrayed and lied to so much. Will I ever know the truth and feel closure?!

Submitted September 11, 2019 at 11:21PM

We have been married for 7 years. The problem that I have been dealing with for almost a year now and it’s literally making me insane. My husband has supposedly been free of porn and adult content since June 2018 after being caught with a secret kik, Snapchat, Reddit account, and email...Before this I caught him masturbating to porn in our bed and that he had been paying for a premium porn subscription, he admitted that he had a problem and that explained why our relationship and sex life seemed almost none existent.. in June he only admitted to the kik but obviously it doesn’t save all of the conversations once you log out so all I got to see were the people he had exchanged messages, pictures, and videos with...I found out later on he had also used another email to post ads of me on a Reddit thread to trade pictures and videos of me with other people in exchange for their pics and vids of their wife/girlfriend. That’s how I found out about the Snapchat account and whatever else, but at first he told me he had deleted everything and deactivated his accounts when I found out about the kik in June. (It was September at this time when I found the other things)...As it turns out he didn’t actually deactivate his Snapchat because he had deactivated his email account first and then when he tried to cancel his Snapchat account he couldn’t because the email on file was inactive. Sooooo I managed to get into his Snapchat and that was God awful obviously, seeing the things he shared and what all they discussed... but I went to the settings and downloaded the Snapchat data to see the devices he had used to log in on it and the dates. I saw that the last two times he had logged in was on an android tablet.I remembered we had 2 Android tablets before we got our iPads, but we hadn’t used them and had put them away because the iPads were better obviously... so I had forgotten about them. The iPads stay home with me and our two girls, they play on them and we never really use them.. so he doesn’t have his with him at work BUT he finally admitted after trying to say that his account must have been hacked cause it was him 🤦🏼‍♀️ but it really was and it turns out that even though he new damn well he wasn’t supposed to have any other devices except his personal cell and work phone which both had covenant eyes on them... he had it up there from January 2018-September 2018..I confronted him about the tablet on file and he admitted to it (after trying to lie) and he said that he had actually thrown the tablet away 2 weeks ago on the same day he logged in last onto Snapchat, that it wasn’t working good or keeping a charge and he was tired of having that temptation so he walked outside and threw it into a dumpster at work, so basically I would NEVER KNOW what the hell really happened to it or where it was!!!!THEN he told me months later that he lied about when he threw it away, that he didn’t actually throw it away two weeks before our confrontation but that he actually threw it away that same day when I told him I knew he had used it, so instead of doing the right thing and bringing it home to give me closure he took it upon himself to “throw it away” and lie about the dates because he knew if I thought he threw it away weeks before that I wouldn’t be able to ask him to bring it home!I’m not allowed at his workplace or I would have already gone up there randomly but he works night shift at a plant where he is a manager and has his own desk area and drawers.. that’s when he did most of his acting out too is when he was away at night!I remembered that the tablet was connected to one of our emails we used when we first got them so I downloaded all of the data from our email accounts and there is no sign of that tablet being used or transferring data since feb-March of 2018! It’s like it just disappeared... I remembered that there was a questionable email address that Samsung account had pulled up along with his other email I knew about and I’ve never seen the “bst****@gmail” before in my life... so I put two and two together and realized he could have switched the tablet information over to that “bst” email and used it to go through instead to cover his tracks..I guess I will never know because he says he “doesn’t remember” creating that email and that he doesn’t think he used a different email on the tablet but that’s it’s “possible” and that he did do a reset on it when he took it to work “because it was so slow”..... so now I sit here realizing that I will never know exactly when he threw it away or if he ever really did... not having closure to a situation makes it so hard to move on. I don’t know what to do 😞TL;DR Husband doesn’t understand why I can’t let this go but I feel like it’s understandable for someone who has been betrayed and lied to so much. Will I ever know the truth and feel closure?!