Should I [25F] breakup with him [27M]

I'm really struggling here. I pursued a very shy and nice man a couple months ago and we agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend very early on. He has a lot of qualities I love and has been the best boyfriend to me.

The only issue is I don't feel like I'm excited about him. I don't have a crush on him, essentially. I enjoyed going on dates and yes, we have been sexually active, but I don't think we have that sort of chemistry that tells you this person is meant for you. I thought that stuff would come with time and that I should focus on how compatible we are values and goals wise but now I feeling like a fraud and that I'm leading him on / settling.

We have already sort of floated the idea of moving in together in a few months when my lease is up and from his perspective we are doing fine. But I have these really negative thoughts and feelings surrounding feeling trapped in this relationship I agreed to too soon. We also share a friend group, so this will be awkward if we breakup.

Should I try to make this work? See if I can't foster a deeper connection to him as he really is wonderful? Or should I cut my losses and breakup? A breakup would be very out of the blue, so should I let him know now I'm feeling doubts and then later if things don't get better breakup?

Any advice is appreciated. I feel really stupid for committing so soon. I just thought the dates were going well and that he seemed super nice and had all the qualities I am looking for. I didn't think connection would be a problem.

TL;DR: I feel trapped in a committed relationship with someone I don't feel chemistry with. Should I wait to develop feelings or breakup?



Submitted July 27, 2019 at 11:50PM

I'm really struggling here. I pursued a very shy and nice man a couple months ago and we agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend very early on. He has a lot of qualities I love and has been the best boyfriend to me.The only issue is I don't feel like I'm excited about him. I don't have a crush on him, essentially. I enjoyed going on dates and yes, we have been sexually active, but I don't think we have that sort of chemistry that tells you this person is meant for you. I thought that stuff would come with time and that I should focus on how compatible we are values and goals wise but now I feeling like a fraud and that I'm leading him on / settling.We have already sort of floated the idea of moving in together in a few months when my lease is up and from his perspective we are doing fine. But I have these really negative thoughts and feelings surrounding feeling trapped in this relationship I agreed to too soon. We also share a friend group, so this will be awkward if we breakup.Should I try to make this work? See if I can't foster a deeper connection to him as he really is wonderful? Or should I cut my losses and breakup? A breakup would be very out of the blue, so should I let him know now I'm feeling doubts and then later if things don't get better breakup?Any advice is appreciated. I feel really stupid for committing so soon. I just thought the dates were going well and that he seemed super nice and had all the qualities I am looking for. I didn't think connection would be a problem.TL;DR: I feel trapped in a committed relationship with someone I don't feel chemistry with. Should I wait to develop feelings or breakup?
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