My [29F] by [29M] keeps talking to people we both agreed to cut out?

Hey everyone, I just really want to find out both a) if I overreacting to this, and b) suggestions on dealing with it going forward.

Long story short my bf and I met as part of a tennis club team about a year ago. About 6 mths ago, a few of the team left and some new people joined and the new dynamic was really hostile - lots of infighting and backstabbing and scapegoating drama that we both decided we didn't want to deal with anymore.

We had a conversation both agreeing that it would be best to just cut the existing team out completely- talking to one is like giving the rest of them a way in to contact and try and pull you back. He said he would be really upset if he found out I was talking to them if both agreed to cut them out, which of course makes sense and I cut them out and havent spoken to anyone since then.

Well, it keeps coming up lately that he hasnt actually cut everyone out. He either 'forgot' to delete their details, or says some individuals aren't 'at the same level'as others. Everytime it happens I get upset, he apologises and says it won't happen again.

At this point it is like I would rather he just talk to people he wants to and just be honest about it. I'm not even that upset about him talking to these people, but him repeatedly insisting he wont and then doing so anyway repeatedly is really bothering me. I have told him as much but he doesn't seem to get it, and a week later he's sending me some new snippet of what someone has been saying to him - when again I understood from the last convo he was gonna cut contact..... it's a repeating cycle.

I know this isnt the biggest problem ever, but it honestly really upsets me. He thinks I am overreacting by being so bothered by it every time it happens - is he right? What can I do or say to help resolve this?

TL;DR - bf keeps talking to people we agreed to cut out and thinks I am overreacting when I get upset about it. I think he needs to make a decision to keep talking or cut out and not act like he's doing both.



Submitted July 29, 2019 at 11:54PM

Hey everyone, I just really want to find out both a) if I overreacting to this, and b) suggestions on dealing with it going forward.Long story short my bf and I met as part of a tennis club team about a year ago. About 6 mths ago, a few of the team left and some new people joined and the new dynamic was really hostile - lots of infighting and backstabbing and scapegoating drama that we both decided we didn't want to deal with anymore.We had a conversation both agreeing that it would be best to just cut the existing team out completely- talking to one is like giving the rest of them a way in to contact and try and pull you back. He said he would be really upset if he found out I was talking to them if both agreed to cut them out, which of course makes sense and I cut them out and havent spoken to anyone since then.Well, it keeps coming up lately that he hasnt actually cut everyone out. He either 'forgot' to delete their details, or says some individuals aren't 'at the same level'as others. Everytime it happens I get upset, he apologises and says it won't happen again.At this point it is like I would rather he just talk to people he wants to and just be honest about it. I'm not even that upset about him talking to these people, but him repeatedly insisting he wont and then doing so anyway repeatedly is really bothering me. I have told him as much but he doesn't seem to get it, and a week later he's sending me some new snippet of what someone has been saying to him - when again I understood from the last convo he was gonna cut contact..... it's a repeating cycle.I know this isnt the biggest problem ever, but it honestly really upsets me. He thinks I am overreacting by being so bothered by it every time it happens - is he right? What can I do or say to help resolve this?TL;DR - bf keeps talking to people we agreed to cut out and thinks I am overreacting when I get upset about it. I think he needs to make a decision to keep talking or cut out and not act like he's doing both.
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