I [26F] cheated on my boyfriend [27M] with an ex [31M]

Obviously, I'm dumb. I've been struggling with a slew of mental issues, including Borderline Personality Disorder, which I know can ruin interpersonal relationships. That's just some background on me, and berating me wont do anything.

I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. We live together in my mother's house (she's moved out) and have 2 dogs together. We aren't married, but I've told him since we started dating that I wanted to be.

I reached out to an ex recently, because I was looking for attention. We both still have feelings for each other, but he has since moved cross country and isnt in a good place for a relationship. He was in town this past weekend though.

I broke up with my boyfriend. Not only for my ex, but for myself too. I was feeling ignored and trapped in the relationship. We dont do anything together, and he frequently ignores me for his other interests. I've really fallen out of love with this boy, though it kills me to say. I told him I was seeing my ex, since he was in town, and I did. When I saw my ex things moved quickly. It was a very physical encounter. But since then I havent heard much from him. He's busy and once he's back home I'm sure I'll hear from him again, though I'm not 100%. I didnt tell my boyfriend what had happened.

I got back together with my boyfriend the next day. He brought up that he would take one of our dogs, and I had recently lost another one of my dogs to a heart attack and I just cant fathom losing another. I do love him, Im just not sure if it's the kind of love that I want to spent the rest of my life with.

Now I'm not sure what to do. To be with my ex I would have to wait until the time is right. I want to stay with my current boyfriend because I love my dog like I would love children (seriously). Should I just stay in my boring relationship and tell myself I'm happy when I'm really not?

Tl;dr: I broke up with my boyfriend, cheated on him with an ex I still love, then got back together with him for my dog.



Submitted July 29, 2019 at 10:59PM

Obviously, I'm dumb. I've been struggling with a slew of mental issues, including Borderline Personality Disorder, which I know can ruin interpersonal relationships. That's just some background on me, and berating me wont do anything.I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. We live together in my mother's house (she's moved out) and have 2 dogs together. We aren't married, but I've told him since we started dating that I wanted to be.I reached out to an ex recently, because I was looking for attention. We both still have feelings for each other, but he has since moved cross country and isnt in a good place for a relationship. He was in town this past weekend though.I broke up with my boyfriend. Not only for my ex, but for myself too. I was feeling ignored and trapped in the relationship. We dont do anything together, and he frequently ignores me for his other interests. I've really fallen out of love with this boy, though it kills me to say. I told him I was seeing my ex, since he was in town, and I did. When I saw my ex things moved quickly. It was a very physical encounter. But since then I havent heard much from him. He's busy and once he's back home I'm sure I'll hear from him again, though I'm not 100%. I didnt tell my boyfriend what had happened.I got back together with my boyfriend the next day. He brought up that he would take one of our dogs, and I had recently lost another one of my dogs to a heart attack and I just cant fathom losing another. I do love him, Im just not sure if it's the kind of love that I want to spent the rest of my life with.Now I'm not sure what to do. To be with my ex I would have to wait until the time is right. I want to stay with my current boyfriend because I love my dog like I would love children (seriously). Should I just stay in my boring relationship and tell myself I'm happy when I'm really not?Tl;dr: I broke up with my boyfriend, cheated on him with an ex I still love, then got back together with him for my dog.
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