Am I (F26) being irrational towards my mom(F50s)?

I love my mom so much and am grateful for all of her help. However, she constantly worries about my future and almost every conversation besides small talk consists of her questioning my future plans. I moved back home with my parents after living abroad for a couple of years. Most of the conversations we've had, since I've been back, revolve around her asking me if I'm sure about my plans to move to NY for a 4 month program to change careers. My parents offered to help me pay for it on the caveat that I will eventually pay it back. I accepted of course, but I'm trying to apply to a program with deferred tuition so I could potentially not even borrow my parent's money, which is the ideal situation.

She'll ask me constantly if this is the path I want to take. I told my parents my whole game plan throughly within the first month of moving back home, so my mom knows the exact steps I will take. I initially opted to go to nursing school and told my parents, but I scraped that idea pretty fast. She brings up this fact a lot and asks me if I'm actually going to go through with the NY program or if I'm going to be wishy-washy like I was with nursing. She'll ask me constantly if I'm serious about living with my friend in NY for free (which I am forever grateful that this friend is allowing me to stay for free).

When we have these conversations, they always lead to how much debt I am in (which I am full aware of), and questioning of what I spend my money on. I have cc debt and student loans. I started a miserable job that pays well in tips two months ago, and I've already been able to pay down 30% of cc debt. This job is very physical and causes me a lot of stress that I know I shouldn't take personally but sometimes I can't help it but customers can be straight up mean/misogynistic/rude/etc. My mom knows this and still will passively tell me I need to be saving money and not spending anything. For the last two months, I've pretty much isolated myself to my studies and not going out. It's been hard but rewarding with the studying. I developed stomach ulcers and lack of appetite which according to my doctor, could be due to stress. I'm just trying to focus on the process but I keep getting stressed about money because my mom is always questioning my moves and bringing up the fact I'm broke af. I'm in a ldr and I planned to visit my bf before starting the program. I let my mom know this too early on.

We had dinner today and my mom started once again, "Daughter, are you serious about visiting bf? Do you think it's wise to waste your money on that? If he loves you he should understand your situation." I said that it's important we see each other and that he helps me study anyways and that it's good for my mental health. She kept going in circles about the money. Finally I just snapped and said, it's my money and I know I'm broke but I'll be able to save enough and if money is a problem, you don't have to help me with school. But I said is less cohesively and more in a agitated way. We argued some more and she said "anything I tell you, you never listen, you have no money how can you blah blah". In typical asian fashion, my dad just stays quiet. I just got so angry. I told her if money is such a big deal then don't help me, I'll find a way. I gave back the money they gave me as a bday gift yesterday.

I cried in frustration that I feel so stressed about this money talk all the time. And mom's like, "stress is not the issue, you need to save money". The argument just went in circles and ended with her saying, "I'm not gonna talk to you anymore about this, don't ask for my help, don't talk to me, you think I'm such a bad mother, I'm just trying to help your future, you think I'm so stupid." And she just left the room. I can already see us not talking for days, or if I try to talk to her, she will say "I don't want to talk to you" or just straight up ignore me. I think this is one of the worst fights we've gotten into. But I always end up feeling so damn guilty because she always mutters to herself that her children don't give a damn about her and hate her guts, which I tell her is absolutely untrue. She ends the conversation by asking why I treat her like this then and walks away.

tl;dr: I know I'm an asshole but am I wrong to feel anger towards my mom because causes me a lot of stress by reminding me how broke I am/tries to control my life? How can I convey these feelings in a more positive way to my mom so she stops worrying all the damn time, which has built up into stress-induced stomach ulcers. Sometimes this stress takes me to a dark place and makes me feel like I'm worthless and waste of space. I just want us to have a healthy relationship. Thanks for coming to my ted talk

Submitted July 29, 2019 at 11:51PM

I love my mom so much and am grateful for all of her help. However, she constantly worries about my future and almost every conversation besides small talk consists of her questioning my future plans. I moved back home with my parents after living abroad for a couple of years. Most of the conversations we've had, since I've been back, revolve around her asking me if I'm sure about my plans to move to NY for a 4 month program to change careers. My parents offered to help me pay for it on the caveat that I will eventually pay it back. I accepted of course, but I'm trying to apply to a program with deferred tuition so I could potentially not even borrow my parent's money, which is the ideal situation.She'll ask me constantly if this is the path I want to take. I told my parents my whole game plan throughly within the first month of moving back home, so my mom knows the exact steps I will take. I initially opted to go to nursing school and told my parents, but I scraped that idea pretty fast. She brings up this fact a lot and asks me if I'm actually going to go through with the NY program or if I'm going to be wishy-washy like I was with nursing. She'll ask me constantly if I'm serious about living with my friend in NY for free (which I am forever grateful that this friend is allowing me to stay for free).When we have these conversations, they always lead to how much debt I am in (which I am full aware of), and questioning of what I spend my money on. I have cc debt and student loans. I started a miserable job that pays well in tips two months ago, and I've already been able to pay down 30% of cc debt. This job is very physical and causes me a lot of stress that I know I shouldn't take personally but sometimes I can't help it but customers can be straight up mean/misogynistic/rude/etc. My mom knows this and still will passively tell me I need to be saving money and not spending anything. For the last two months, I've pretty much isolated myself to my studies and not going out. It's been hard but rewarding with the studying. I developed stomach ulcers and lack of appetite which according to my doctor, could be due to stress. I'm just trying to focus on the process but I keep getting stressed about money because my mom is always questioning my moves and bringing up the fact I'm broke af. I'm in a ldr and I planned to visit my bf before starting the program. I let my mom know this too early on.We had dinner today and my mom started once again, "Daughter, are you serious about visiting bf? Do you think it's wise to waste your money on that? If he loves you he should understand your situation." I said that it's important we see each other and that he helps me study anyways and that it's good for my mental health. She kept going in circles about the money. Finally I just snapped and said, it's my money and I know I'm broke but I'll be able to save enough and if money is a problem, you don't have to help me with school. But I said is less cohesively and more in a agitated way. We argued some more and she said "anything I tell you, you never listen, you have no money how can you blah blah". In typical asian fashion, my dad just stays quiet. I just got so angry. I told her if money is such a big deal then don't help me, I'll find a way. I gave back the money they gave me as a bday gift yesterday.I cried in frustration that I feel so stressed about this money talk all the time. And mom's like, "stress is not the issue, you need to save money". The argument just went in circles and ended with her saying, "I'm not gonna talk to you anymore about this, don't ask for my help, don't talk to me, you think I'm such a bad mother, I'm just trying to help your future, you think I'm so stupid." And she just left the room. I can already see us not talking for days, or if I try to talk to her, she will say "I don't want to talk to you" or just straight up ignore me. I think this is one of the worst fights we've gotten into. But I always end up feeling so damn guilty because she always mutters to herself that her children don't give a damn about her and hate her guts, which I tell her is absolutely untrue. She ends the conversation by asking why I treat her like this then and walks away.tl;dr: I know I'm an asshole but am I wrong to feel anger towards my mom because causes me a lot of stress by reminding me how broke I am/tries to control my life? How can I convey these feelings in a more positive way to my mom so she stops worrying all the damn time, which has built up into stress-induced stomach ulcers. Sometimes this stress takes me to a dark place and makes me feel like I'm worthless and waste of space. I just want us to have a healthy relationship. Thanks for coming to my ted talk