/u/HavePlushieWillTalk on being blamed for something due to your asexuality / confusion

1. Hormones be crazy. I have never had a big change like you obviously have done, but your body needs to get used to this new regularity. Hormones is basically goo in your brain box, where all your feelings come from. Hormones therefore have an impact on your feelings, and vice versa, but they are not you as a person.
2. You can't betray your orientation/identity. That's like a bi person who has a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. It's wrong on both counts to say that either the bi person is betraying their bi-ness or that you, by having feelings and being confused by them because they are odd or however you feel, have betrayed your identity. Someone saying that shit to you, they're doing the betraying. they're betraying your friendship.

Look, nobody is going to be completely secure all the time. I am very very ace. That doesn't mean there wasn't a time I wasn't crazy obsessed with, well, not boys, but being with one. That was hormones, too. Someone posted a question is r/askreddit about who gay people would turn straight for, and there were a lot of responses! Some were confused by their feelings but others were just like 'yeah, I somehow find that person attractive when I'm not attracted to people like that in general.' If that does not resonate with your current experience, I do not know what would. Those are secure people, some of whom are in relationships.

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Be the best aro/ace person you can be, your own way, not my way, not anyone else's way, not your (obviously toxic friend, bro) dudebro's way.

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Finally, I want to say that sometimes friends of mine talk about stuff that makes me uncomfortable. I tell them they're making me uncomfortable. If they're good friends, and I mean kind and nice and respectful friends, they will drop it, maybe even apologise, and alter their behaviour. A crap friend, even a close one, will get angry at you. Your friend was totally allowed to tell you if he was uncomfortable, but the way he has done it is cruel and nasty and he is punishing you.

April 16, 2019 at 05:29AM