That moment when the anxiety hits juuuust right...

Last time I (31M) ventured into OLD was about 2 or 3 years ago. Matched with this nice single mom in Washington about a half hour from where I lived. We were both busy, so it took us a long while to finally meet for a proper date, during which time she told me that she thought she loved me. Again, this was before she had even met me in person. Needless to say, it didn't last long soon after. Then I took a break while I tried my best to improve my standing in life: find a better job, start going to a gym and shedding some pounds/getting into better shape, socializing more with my friends...

Fast forward to this year: moved to Texas, found a better-ish job (or at least something I'm low-key not ashamed to tell people about), gained some weight but looking to find a gym to get back on track to my weight goal, zero friends who live down here. So naturally I decided to dip my foot back into the dating pool. And so far the experience has been... about what I expected. Conversations that seem to just die due to lack of interest (mostly from them, sometimes from me). I've had one match cancel a date on the day of so she could get more hours at work, which I'm guessing is pretty tame by comparison to some of the stuff I've read on here.

Now I have the prospect of a date with another match... but honestly? I'm feeling really uneasy.

Part of me thinks back to what happened back in WA with that one woman and I'm concerned it could happen again. It's really unlikely, yeah... but not impossible. Then there's the possibility they'll just cancel it because "reasons". Things come up in life, I get it. Doesn't make it suck any less. And THEN there's being self conscious about my physical self. I'm in the process of trying to get back in shape (changing eating habits, finding a new gym), and because this is important to me, it's become important that any prospective woman be on the same page about that. I know that a bigger guy like me is going to attract bigger girls, but I don't plan on being a bigger guy forever, and I would hope the woman I'm dating/in a relationship with has the same desire about herself. So I'm thinking it might be better if I take another hiatus from dating until I feel I'm in a more comfortable position about my body.

Basically, add all of these things together and it creates this anxiety that I haven't really felt in a long time regarding dating. And I'm wondering if I'm psyching myself out and just need to work through it, or if my body is legitimately trying to warn me that I need to work on myself some more before I put myself out there again.

Submitted April 16, 2019 at 05:52AM

Last time I (31M) ventured into OLD was about 2 or 3 years ago. Matched with this nice single mom in Washington about a half hour from where I lived. We were both busy, so it took us a long while to finally meet for a proper date, during which time she told me that she thought she loved me. Again, this was before she had even met me in person. Needless to say, it didn't last long soon after. Then I took a break while I tried my best to improve my standing in life: find a better job, start going to a gym and shedding some pounds/getting into better shape, socializing more with my friends...Fast forward to this year: moved to Texas, found a better-ish job (or at least something I'm low-key not ashamed to tell people about), gained some weight but looking to find a gym to get back on track to my weight goal, zero friends who live down here. So naturally I decided to dip my foot back into the dating pool. And so far the experience has been... about what I expected. Conversations that seem to just die due to lack of interest (mostly from them, sometimes from me). I've had one match cancel a date on the day of so she could get more hours at work, which I'm guessing is pretty tame by comparison to some of the stuff I've read on here.Now I have the prospect of a date with another match... but honestly? I'm feeling really uneasy.Part of me thinks back to what happened back in WA with that one woman and I'm concerned it could happen again. It's really unlikely, yeah... but not impossible. Then there's the possibility they'll just cancel it because "reasons". Things come up in life, I get it. Doesn't make it suck any less. And THEN there's being self conscious about my physical self. I'm in the process of trying to get back in shape (changing eating habits, finding a new gym), and because this is important to me, it's become important that any prospective woman be on the same page about that. I know that a bigger guy like me is going to attract bigger girls, but I don't plan on being a bigger guy forever, and I would hope the woman I'm dating/in a relationship with has the same desire about herself. So I'm thinking it might be better if I take another hiatus from dating until I feel I'm in a more comfortable position about my body.Basically, add all of these things together and it creates this anxiety that I haven't really felt in a long time regarding dating. And I'm wondering if I'm psyching myself out and just need to work through it, or if my body is legitimately trying to warn me that I need to work on myself some more before I put myself out there again.