I think my bf pretends to want to go down on me?

So last night we were naked, fresh out of the shower, and I was laying perpendicular to him setting up a movie and he was teasing me a little bit and kept starting to lick me from behind but it was a weird angle so then I sat up to move to lay next to him but he was hard so I ended up on top of his with him inside me but I wasn't totally ready to have penetrative sex yet so I got off and went to give him a bj but he went flaccid (he has some issues with performance boner/ejaculation wise so I don't push him), we laid down and he asked playfully asked if he could lick me and my butthole and I laughed and said no butthole (we have an ongoing joke about butt stuff) he asked again but didn't move to do it and then I had to pee and he asked if I could hold it bc he didn't want to go down there right after I peed but I said that if I had to pee really bad during then I wouldn't be able to relax, I got back and then nothing happened besides a few times when watching a movie he would randomly touch my boobs or clit briefly as if he was just touching in appreciation not with any aim for sex. The next morning when we were having morning sex he woke me up for but had to stop bc he had to go to work, he pulled out and licked my clit one time before going to get ready.

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I know that I could probably ask him to or say yes directly when he jokingly asks but I have a few hangups about receiving oral and I'm so insecure that I smell or taste bad even though he has said I don't though all he knows is that I get shy which is why the few times he has done it in the past he just went for it and it was nice but the last time that happened was like a month or so ago. In my mind, if he wanted to do it then he would, same as he does when teasing me but he doesn't, he only sort of jokingly mentions or asks to do it but no follow through. I know i don't have any infections, I wash regularly and try to always shower before we go to bed, often with him. If he isn't into it with me for some reason, which is what I suspect then I wish I knew for sure and I would just tell him not to worry about it anymore. I think that would crash my sexual body confidence in the long run but I'm not ever gonna enjoy it if I feel like he doesn't actually want to. My last partner destroyed my confidence sexually and he treated me like a human flashlight and never cared about my orgasm or going down on me, my bf now isn't like that but the way he's been about oral with me on top of his performance issues has me feeling unattractive in an all too familiar way.

Submitted April 16, 2019 at 05:59AM

So last night we were naked, fresh out of the shower, and I was laying perpendicular to him setting up a movie and he was teasing me a little bit and kept starting to lick me from behind but it was a weird angle so then I sat up to move to lay next to him but he was hard so I ended up on top of his with him inside me but I wasn't totally ready to have penetrative sex yet so I got off and went to give him a bj but he went flaccid (he has some issues with performance boner/ejaculation wise so I don't push him), we laid down and he asked playfully asked if he could lick me and my butthole and I laughed and said no butthole (we have an ongoing joke about butt stuff) he asked again but didn't move to do it and then I had to pee and he asked if I could hold it bc he didn't want to go down there right after I peed but I said that if I had to pee really bad during then I wouldn't be able to relax, I got back and then nothing happened besides a few times when watching a movie he would randomly touch my boobs or clit briefly as if he was just touching in appreciation not with any aim for sex. The next morning when we were having morning sex he woke me up for but had to stop bc he had to go to work, he pulled out and licked my clit one time before going to get ready.​I know that I could probably ask him to or say yes directly when he jokingly asks but I have a few hangups about receiving oral and I'm so insecure that I smell or taste bad even though he has said I don't though all he knows is that I get shy which is why the few times he has done it in the past he just went for it and it was nice but the last time that happened was like a month or so ago. In my mind, if he wanted to do it then he would, same as he does when teasing me but he doesn't, he only sort of jokingly mentions or asks to do it but no follow through. I know i don't have any infections, I wash regularly and try to always shower before we go to bed, often with him. If he isn't into it with me for some reason, which is what I suspect then I wish I knew for sure and I would just tell him not to worry about it anymore. I think that would crash my sexual body confidence in the long run but I'm not ever gonna enjoy it if I feel like he doesn't actually want to. My last partner destroyed my confidence sexually and he treated me like a human flashlight and never cared about my orgasm or going down on me, my bf now isn't like that but the way he's been about oral with me on top of his performance issues has me feeling unattractive in an all too familiar way.