I (M28) hate my father for having an affair and secret child. Am I right to feel this way?

Am I right to hate my Dad for having a secret child.

I’m 28 years old now. When I was about 14 I started noticing signs that my dad was having an affair. Overheard phone calls, saw texts, away on “business trips”....This went on for years before I finally lost it and called him out for it in front of my mom around age 17. He completely denied it, my parents had a long talk and my mom basically told me that I was overthinking it all and that she believes him and I have to apologize to him.

Fast forward to when I was about 26 I found out that my dad has a secret child and so I confronted them again about it but still denial. He ends up telling me this bs story that he was caring for a coworkers kid that lost his father and he became like a father to him.

My entire adult life I have never had any respect for him for what I know he has done. Any time he would get mad at me for even the smallest thing I would lose it because I felt he had no right to be mad at me for anything when he knows I know what he did. I have always had relationship and trust issues which I am now realizing are caused by my childhood. It has gotten to the point now that I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.

I know he feels terrible about what he’s done and he is always trying to improve our relationship but I just can never get over it. I always end up fighting with him.

Am I right to feel this way about my own father? Would it be so terrible to just push him out of my life at this point?

TLDR; I hate my father for having an affair and secret child. Am I right to feel this way? Should o push him out of my life?



Submitted August 12, 2020 at 12:05AM

Am I right to hate my Dad for having a secret child.I’m 28 years old now. When I was about 14 I started noticing signs that my dad was having an affair. Overheard phone calls, saw texts, away on “business trips”....This went on for years before I finally lost it and called him out for it in front of my mom around age 17. He completely denied it, my parents had a long talk and my mom basically told me that I was overthinking it all and that she believes him and I have to apologize to him.Fast forward to when I was about 26 I found out that my dad has a secret child and so I confronted them again about it but still denial. He ends up telling me this bs story that he was caring for a coworkers kid that lost his father and he became like a father to him.My entire adult life I have never had any respect for him for what I know he has done. Any time he would get mad at me for even the smallest thing I would lose it because I felt he had no right to be mad at me for anything when he knows I know what he did. I have always had relationship and trust issues which I am now realizing are caused by my childhood. It has gotten to the point now that I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.I know he feels terrible about what he’s done and he is always trying to improve our relationship but I just can never get over it. I always end up fighting with him.Am I right to feel this way about my own father? Would it be so terrible to just push him out of my life at this point?TLDR; I hate my father for having an affair and secret child. Am I right to feel this way? Should o push him out of my life?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more