(REPOST) I need advice on saving my relationship with my Best friend

Hey, I posted this last night but it got taken down so this is a repost:

So my (f17) Best friend (f16) has a boyfriend (19) who I didn't like for a while. Now I'm completely admitting what a total **** I was. I'd talk bad about him to others, and I wouldnt talk to my BF about it. I didnt say anything bad about her, but I did a lot about him. That was a couple months ago, recently my bf found out a heap of the stuff i said and for obvious reasons she got very angry at me. She has every right to be mad, and I just feel like a bad person. I have Borderline personality disorder, so when things like this happen, it's like the end of the world. I have been trying to make it up to her for a couple days now, I've written her lots of paragraphs about how sorry I am, I've sent her poems about how much I appreciate her, and how sorry I am, I made her a playlist full of songs of apologies, etc. Now we've been talking again, and she said shes almost forgiven me, but theres a little bit of her that still hasnt. Which I completely understand. Because of my disorder, if I lost her I 100% would try to kill myself. I'm trying to think of other ways to show how sorry I am, but I'm running out of ideas. Because of the lockdown theres only so much I can do.

Please, I'd appreciate any and all advice. I've been such a twat, and honestly I dont deserve her at all. However, I really dont want to loose her.

Side note: the reason I dont like him is because he's cheated on my friend more than once. He did it via texting, and so I mentioned to someone (who told others) that if he did it virtually, than he probably physically cheated as well. That's what my friend is mad at me for

TL;DR I've almost lost my best friend and I need advice on what to do



Submitted April 27, 2020 at 12:07AM

Hey, I posted this last night but it got taken down so this is a repost:So my (f17) Best friend (f16) has a boyfriend (19) who I didn't like for a while. Now I'm completely admitting what a total **** I was. I'd talk bad about him to others, and I wouldnt talk to my BF about it. I didnt say anything bad about her, but I did a lot about him. That was a couple months ago, recently my bf found out a heap of the stuff i said and for obvious reasons she got very angry at me. She has every right to be mad, and I just feel like a bad person. I have Borderline personality disorder, so when things like this happen, it's like the end of the world. I have been trying to make it up to her for a couple days now, I've written her lots of paragraphs about how sorry I am, I've sent her poems about how much I appreciate her, and how sorry I am, I made her a playlist full of songs of apologies, etc. Now we've been talking again, and she said shes almost forgiven me, but theres a little bit of her that still hasnt. Which I completely understand. Because of my disorder, if I lost her I 100% would try to kill myself. I'm trying to think of other ways to show how sorry I am, but I'm running out of ideas. Because of the lockdown theres only so much I can do.Please, I'd appreciate any and all advice. I've been such a twat, and honestly I dont deserve her at all. However, I really dont want to loose her.Side note: the reason I dont like him is because he's cheated on my friend more than once. He did it via texting, and so I mentioned to someone (who told others) that if he did it virtually, than he probably physically cheated as well. That's what my friend is mad at me forTL;DR I've almost lost my best friend and I need advice on what to do
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