My boyfriend[m/30] won't talk to me [f/28] ever since his friend died.

Trigger Warning: suicide

We've been living together for two months, though I still have my old apartment, and together for 8 months. Our relationship has been a bit rough recently. I've been a bit depressed due to grad school and having trouble keeping up with my thesis (due this week). A family member of mine was shot and killed a couple weeks ago. I didn't know her well, saw her a couple times per year, but it was very violent, unexpected, and in a very safe area. Just really unexpected.

My boyfriend has a much higher sex drive, and recently it's been more and more of an issue. Particularly the last couple weeks I haven't wanted sex at all, and the last couple times we did have sex it was very painful even after foreplay. He woke me up in the middle of the night a few days ago asking if I was sore (aka do you want to have sex). So, all of that has been going on before his friend's death.

Yesterday a close friend of his committed suicide, with no warning signs or anything. He lived in a different state, but they kept in touch a few times per week. It's just awful. He doesn't want to talk to me or have much affection. He's talking a bit to our roommate, at least. I didn't know this friend, so I feel like that's partially why. I know if a friend of mine committed suicide unexpectedly I'd want to talk to people who knew that friend.

Obviously right now is a survival period. I'd like to be as supportive as possible while still processing my own grief and depression, while trying to submit a thesis in the next week. I just don't know what to do.

I asked if he would feel more comfortable if I went home, and he said I "could stay". He's just very sad. Not crying, still in shock to an extent I think. I wish I could be stoic for him, but I cry at a drop of a hat these days, and even thinking of him in so much pain gets me teary eyed. So far I've picked him up some treats and made him a couple meals (though he hates my cooking). I've offered the occasional hug and affection, and chance to talk if he wants to.

So, first question is how do I balance my own grief and schoolwork (I've already gotten all the extensions I can since my aunt's death)? And then how do I be a good girlfriend to my boyfriend while he's processing the death of his very close friend?

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TL;DR: How do I support my grieving boyfriend while doing my own grieving and trying to submit a thesis before the imminent deadline?

Submitted April 26, 2020 at 11:40PM

Trigger Warning: suicideWe've been living together for two months, though I still have my old apartment, and together for 8 months. Our relationship has been a bit rough recently. I've been a bit depressed due to grad school and having trouble keeping up with my thesis (due this week). A family member of mine was shot and killed a couple weeks ago. I didn't know her well, saw her a couple times per year, but it was very violent, unexpected, and in a very safe area. Just really unexpected.My boyfriend has a much higher sex drive, and recently it's been more and more of an issue. Particularly the last couple weeks I haven't wanted sex at all, and the last couple times we did have sex it was very painful even after foreplay. He woke me up in the middle of the night a few days ago asking if I was sore (aka do you want to have sex). So, all of that has been going on before his friend's death.Yesterday a close friend of his committed suicide, with no warning signs or anything. He lived in a different state, but they kept in touch a few times per week. It's just awful. He doesn't want to talk to me or have much affection. He's talking a bit to our roommate, at least. I didn't know this friend, so I feel like that's partially why. I know if a friend of mine committed suicide unexpectedly I'd want to talk to people who knew that friend.Obviously right now is a survival period. I'd like to be as supportive as possible while still processing my own grief and depression, while trying to submit a thesis in the next week. I just don't know what to do.I asked if he would feel more comfortable if I went home, and he said I "could stay". He's just very sad. Not crying, still in shock to an extent I think. I wish I could be stoic for him, but I cry at a drop of a hat these days, and even thinking of him in so much pain gets me teary eyed. So far I've picked him up some treats and made him a couple meals (though he hates my cooking). I've offered the occasional hug and affection, and chance to talk if he wants to.So, first question is how do I balance my own grief and schoolwork (I've already gotten all the extensions I can since my aunt's death)? And then how do I be a good girlfriend to my boyfriend while he's processing the death of his very close friend?​TL;DR: How do I support my grieving boyfriend while doing my own grieving and trying to submit a thesis before the imminent deadline?