My (22M) gf (19F) "fake" flirts with a lot of other guys and it makes me uncomfortable

Me and gf have been dating for almost 9 months now. Everything is fantastic for the most part, aside from her being somewhat of a flirt. Most of the time it doesn't really bother me, people will be making a bunch of dirty jokes with eachother and she'll join in, whatever. What bothers me is when she randomly out of the blue will tell me about one of her guy friends she would "totally date" if they didnt have xyz problems with them (like they just aren't physically attractive enough, or they wouldn't treat her as good as she says I do, etc), yet she isn't into them at the same time, and then she'll turn around and randomly say something super sexual or flirty to them. Note that some of these guys have feelings for her, which she will either be in complete denial about or will say "well that doesn't matter i dont want them".

Am I justified in feeling uncomfortable with her doing that? We've talked about it before and I've told her I am uncomfortable with it, to which she apologized and felt really bad about it, but she continues to do it. Sometimes I feel like I'm coming off as controlling if I get upset about that, but at the same time, it doesn't bother me that she has a lot of guy friends, it's that she feels the need to be flirty with a lot of them, including the ones who have feelings for her. Especially with the guys that have feelings, she says they're just friends and she isn't seriously flirting back, but personally I feel like their friendship isn't as real as she thinks it is, and not because I think she's cheating, I trust and know her enough to know she would not cheat, but I feel like shes being naive with those guys, they don't want her friendship they want to get in her pants and are using the friendship as a guise to do so. And I've expressed that to her but she doesn't want to believe that. Along with that it's just blatant disrespect towards her, me and our relationship.

How should I handle this? Should I have another talk with her? It's not something I would break up with her over, but it does bother me.

TLDR; girlfriend says really flirty and sexual stuff to guy friends, including ones that have feelings for her. How do I handle that?



Submitted March 29, 2020 at 11:50PM

Me and gf have been dating for almost 9 months now. Everything is fantastic for the most part, aside from her being somewhat of a flirt. Most of the time it doesn't really bother me, people will be making a bunch of dirty jokes with eachother and she'll join in, whatever. What bothers me is when she randomly out of the blue will tell me about one of her guy friends she would "totally date" if they didnt have xyz problems with them (like they just aren't physically attractive enough, or they wouldn't treat her as good as she says I do, etc), yet she isn't into them at the same time, and then she'll turn around and randomly say something super sexual or flirty to them. Note that some of these guys have feelings for her, which she will either be in complete denial about or will say "well that doesn't matter i dont want them".Am I justified in feeling uncomfortable with her doing that? We've talked about it before and I've told her I am uncomfortable with it, to which she apologized and felt really bad about it, but she continues to do it. Sometimes I feel like I'm coming off as controlling if I get upset about that, but at the same time, it doesn't bother me that she has a lot of guy friends, it's that she feels the need to be flirty with a lot of them, including the ones who have feelings for her. Especially with the guys that have feelings, she says they're just friends and she isn't seriously flirting back, but personally I feel like their friendship isn't as real as she thinks it is, and not because I think she's cheating, I trust and know her enough to know she would not cheat, but I feel like shes being naive with those guys, they don't want her friendship they want to get in her pants and are using the friendship as a guise to do so. And I've expressed that to her but she doesn't want to believe that. Along with that it's just blatant disrespect towards her, me and our relationship.How should I handle this? Should I have another talk with her? It's not something I would break up with her over, but it does bother me.TLDR; girlfriend says really flirty and sexual stuff to guy friends, including ones that have feelings for her. How do I handle that?
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