My (22M) gf (19F) "fake" flirts with a lot of other guys and it makes me uncomfortable

Me and gf have been dating for almost 9 months now. Everything is fantastic for the most part, aside from her being somewhat of a flirt. Most of the time it doesn't really bother me, people will be making a bunch of dirty jokes with eachother and she'll join in, whatever. What bothers me is when she randomly out of the blue will tell me about one of her guy friends she would "totally date" if they didnt have xyz problems with them (like they just aren't physically attractive enough, or they wouldn't treat her as good as she says I do, etc), yet she isn't into them at the same time, and then she'll turn around and randomly say something super sexual or flirty to them. Note that some of these guys have feelings for her, which she will either be in complete denial about or will say "well that doesn't matter i dont want them".

Am I justified in feeling uncomfortable with her doing that? We've talked about it before and I've told her I am uncomfortable with it, to which she apologized and felt really bad about it, but she continues to do it. Sometimes I feel like I'm coming off as controlling if I get upset about that, but at the same time, it doesn't bother me that she has a lot of guy friends, it's that she feels the need to be flirty with a lot of them, including the ones who have feelings for her. Especially with the guys that have feelings, she says they're just friends and she isn't seriously flirting back, but personally I feel like their friendship isn't as real as she thinks it is, and not because I think she's cheating, I trust and know her enough to know she would not cheat, but I feel like shes being naive with those guys, they don't want her friendship they want to get in her pants and are using the friendship as a guise to do so. And I've expressed that to her but she doesn't want to believe that. Along with that it's just blatant disrespect towards her, me and our relationship.

How should I handle this? Should I have another talk with her? It's not something I would break up with her over, but it does bother me.

TLDR; girlfriend says really flirty and sexual stuff to guy friends, including ones that have feelings for her. How do I handle that?



Submitted March 29, 2020 at 11:50PM

Me and gf have been dating for almost 9 months now. Everything is fantastic for the most part, aside from her being somewhat of a flirt. Most of the time it doesn't really bother me, people will be making a bunch of dirty jokes with eachother and she'll join in, whatever. What bothers me is when she randomly out of the blue will tell me about one of her guy friends she would "totally date" if they didnt have xyz problems with them (like they just aren't physically attractive enough, or they wouldn't treat her as good as she says I do, etc), yet she isn't into them at the same time, and then she'll turn around and randomly say something super sexual or flirty to them. Note that some of these guys have feelings for her, which she will either be in complete denial about or will say "well that doesn't matter i dont want them".Am I justified in feeling uncomfortable with her doing that? We've talked about it before and I've told her I am uncomfortable with it, to which she apologized and felt really bad about it, but she continues to do it. Sometimes I feel like I'm coming off as controlling if I get upset about that, but at the same time, it doesn't bother me that she has a lot of guy friends, it's that she feels the need to be flirty with a lot of them, including the ones who have feelings for her. Especially with the guys that have feelings, she says they're just friends and she isn't seriously flirting back, but personally I feel like their friendship isn't as real as she thinks it is, and not because I think she's cheating, I trust and know her enough to know she would not cheat, but I feel like shes being naive with those guys, they don't want her friendship they want to get in her pants and are using the friendship as a guise to do so. And I've expressed that to her but she doesn't want to believe that. Along with that it's just blatant disrespect towards her, me and our relationship.How should I handle this? Should I have another talk with her? It's not something I would break up with her over, but it does bother me.TLDR; girlfriend says really flirty and sexual stuff to guy friends, including ones that have feelings for her. How do I handle that?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more