Issue with boyfriend (27m) and his exes.

Hello all!

So basically I've had a lot of issues surrounding my boyfriend and his exes. We've been together 2 years, most of this stuff happened in our first year together. Backstory: one of his exes from high school that he was super obsessed and in love with broke up with him, cheated, led him on forever, etc. and it really broke him up. He had to be 5150'd and he was obsessed with her for a while. I'll call her Jasmine.

Anyway onto the issues in mostly chronological order. Basically 90% of our fights (there haven't been many) are about his exes. I'll just spell out each one lol.

1. I saw a picture of him and his most recent ex (Jen) on his desk after he made a huge song and dance to our friend about how keeping pictures of your ex means you're not over them, no one should ever do it, etc. This wouldn't bother me usually but his other comments made me feel there was something to it. he said he """forgot""" it was there.

2. Found Jen's number still in his phone 3 months in. Asked him why he had it ("So I can keep her blocked") I deleted it. Didn't fight him on this one.

3. He told jen's mom that we were having issues (they still spoke regularly) which led her to tell Jen who then emailed him wanting to meet up and talk. He messaged back twice but just asking who it was and then apologizing for not knowing. He didn't tell me this when it happened. Her and her mom are now blocked (my request).

4. Met up with Jasmine to apologize to her for how he acted. Didn't tell me. I caught him in a lie and we broke up. Took him back a week later with full access to his phone (7months in).

5. Talked another ex through a break up. He told me about his "friend" who he was helping out and I recognized her name. I said isn't that your ex? And he said yes but they're friends now and he doesnt think of her that way (they were together 3 months). I got pissed and told him if she's his ex then say my ex instead of my friend because it's misrepresenting their relationship.

6. Still friends on FB/Insta with a bunch of his ex hook ups. I haven't fought him on this one because I am too but combined with everything else, it bothers me.

7. On our 1 yr anniversary brought up how shitty his prom was (we were near the venue). I know his prom was shitty because he was thinking of Jasmine and how at their first prom she ditched him for another guy (he told me this years ago). Brought up how much he hate prom multiple times throughout the day. Argued with him because I can't believe he was thinking about her on our anniversary.

8. Introduced me to a show he loved in high school with a strong theme of "the one that got away" and not being over your ex and how to get over your ex. Made comments like "Do you see why I say how much this helped me when I was so depressed in high school?" I got pissed because I don't want to be reminded of how sad he was over a girl he saw behind my back. This was probably 4 months ago.

I'm not usually a jealous person but now I'm hypersensitive when it comes to his exes and I HATE it. I've never been that person until him. I know everyone has a past but I feel like this has broken me in a way where I just am not okay with him talking about his exes or to his exes or anything. And let me just say, he doesn't like me talking about mine because it makes him sad. I will say that other than that our relationship is amazing and he recognizes he fucked up after every incident and feels terrible. He makes me feel like I'm the one for him every day.

Please let me know if I was overreacting in any of these instances. I'm having such a hard time letting go of our past issues because I feel every time a new instance happens, it just takes me back to all the other times and I can't heal. Do I need to get over it because none of it is a big deal or do I need to set boundaries?

Tl;dr Issues with boyfriend's exes and times I've felt he crossed boundaries. Is it all in my head or do I have to bring this up to him?

Submitted March 30, 2020 at 12:10AM

Hello all!So basically I've had a lot of issues surrounding my boyfriend and his exes. We've been together 2 years, most of this stuff happened in our first year together. Backstory: one of his exes from high school that he was super obsessed and in love with broke up with him, cheated, led him on forever, etc. and it really broke him up. He had to be 5150'd and he was obsessed with her for a while. I'll call her Jasmine.Anyway onto the issues in mostly chronological order. Basically 90% of our fights (there haven't been many) are about his exes. I'll just spell out each one lol.I saw a picture of him and his most recent ex (Jen) on his desk after he made a huge song and dance to our friend about how keeping pictures of your ex means you're not over them, no one should ever do it, etc. This wouldn't bother me usually but his other comments made me feel there was something to it. he said he """forgot""" it was there.Found Jen's number still in his phone 3 months in. Asked him why he had it ("So I can keep her blocked") I deleted it. Didn't fight him on this one.He told jen's mom that we were having issues (they still spoke regularly) which led her to tell Jen who then emailed him wanting to meet up and talk. He messaged back twice but just asking who it was and then apologizing for not knowing. He didn't tell me this when it happened. Her and her mom are now blocked (my request).Met up with Jasmine to apologize to her for how he acted. Didn't tell me. I caught him in a lie and we broke up. Took him back a week later with full access to his phone (7months in).Talked another ex through a break up. He told me about his "friend" who he was helping out and I recognized her name. I said isn't that your ex? And he said yes but they're friends now and he doesnt think of her that way (they were together 3 months). I got pissed and told him if she's his ex then say my ex instead of my friend because it's misrepresenting their relationship.Still friends on FB/Insta with a bunch of his ex hook ups. I haven't fought him on this one because I am too but combined with everything else, it bothers me.On our 1 yr anniversary brought up how shitty his prom was (we were near the venue). I know his prom was shitty because he was thinking of Jasmine and how at their first prom she ditched him for another guy (he told me this years ago). Brought up how much he hate prom multiple times throughout the day. Argued with him because I can't believe he was thinking about her on our anniversary.Introduced me to a show he loved in high school with a strong theme of "the one that got away" and not being over your ex and how to get over your ex. Made comments like "Do you see why I say how much this helped me when I was so depressed in high school?" I got pissed because I don't want to be reminded of how sad he was over a girl he saw behind my back. This was probably 4 months ago.I'm not usually a jealous person but now I'm hypersensitive when it comes to his exes and I HATE it. I've never been that person until him. I know everyone has a past but I feel like this has broken me in a way where I just am not okay with him talking about his exes or to his exes or anything. And let me just say, he doesn't like me talking about mine because it makes him sad. I will say that other than that our relationship is amazing and he recognizes he fucked up after every incident and feels terrible. He makes me feel like I'm the one for him every day.Please let me know if I was overreacting in any of these instances. I'm having such a hard time letting go of our past issues because I feel every time a new instance happens, it just takes me back to all the other times and I can't heal. Do I need to get over it because none of it is a big deal or do I need to set boundaries?Tl;dr Issues with boyfriend's exes and times I've felt he crossed boundaries. Is it all in my head or do I have to bring this up to him?