My (19F) boyfriend (19M) is insecure that I am friends with and joke with my exes, despite him doing the same.

Title really says it all.

The argument started over something totally stupid - a tiktok trend where people post a video including the people they’ve kissed. I made one as a joke - it included two guys I dated a a freshman/sophomore in high school that I am now good friends with, a boy I kissed in 6th grade that I was friends with, and three of my closest female friends that I’ve kissed jokingly for photos etc. It was essentially meant to be a joke with my friends from home who I’m friends with on that social media platform, and was posted privately so only they could see.

I mentioned it to my boyfriend thinking he would find it funny as well, since he is also super close friends with some of his exes from early in high school, and often jokes with them about their relationships. But instead he got super upset with me and the argument basically devolved into how my body count is higher than his and it makes him insecure (direct quote: “I know I’m being petty, but being #X doesn’t feel great.”). He then mentioned how the entire idea of me joking with my exes about our relationships is bad, and yet two months ago one of his ex girlfriends made a joke about how his cum tastes and I was supposed to be okay with that?? I feel like if anything his relationships are the ones overstepping boundaries, but I’ve never brought it up because I know nothing would happen between them and I trust him.

How am I supposed to even talk to him about this? Is this a red flag for the future of our relationship? This is literally the only area we ever seem to argue over, and I think it’s because we both strongly believe in preserving friendships over romantic relationships. At the end of the day theres no need for jealousy on either side - like for gods sake we dated these people when we were 15, and we’re nearly 20. It shouldn’t be a big deal.

tl;dr : my boyfriend got upset over a tiktok joke about a “kiss list” that happened to include my exes from early in high school who I am friends with, despite similarly joking around with his high school exes. What am I supposed to say to that? Should I be upset?



Submitted March 30, 2020 at 12:10AM

Title really says it all.The argument started over something totally stupid - a tiktok trend where people post a video including the people they’ve kissed. I made one as a joke - it included two guys I dated a a freshman/sophomore in high school that I am now good friends with, a boy I kissed in 6th grade that I was friends with, and three of my closest female friends that I’ve kissed jokingly for photos etc. It was essentially meant to be a joke with my friends from home who I’m friends with on that social media platform, and was posted privately so only they could see.I mentioned it to my boyfriend thinking he would find it funny as well, since he is also super close friends with some of his exes from early in high school, and often jokes with them about their relationships. But instead he got super upset with me and the argument basically devolved into how my body count is higher than his and it makes him insecure (direct quote: “I know I’m being petty, but being #X doesn’t feel great.”). He then mentioned how the entire idea of me joking with my exes about our relationships is bad, and yet two months ago one of his ex girlfriends made a joke about how his cum tastes and I was supposed to be okay with that?? I feel like if anything his relationships are the ones overstepping boundaries, but I’ve never brought it up because I know nothing would happen between them and I trust him.How am I supposed to even talk to him about this? Is this a red flag for the future of our relationship? This is literally the only area we ever seem to argue over, and I think it’s because we both strongly believe in preserving friendships over romantic relationships. At the end of the day theres no need for jealousy on either side - like for gods sake we dated these people when we were 15, and we’re nearly 20. It shouldn’t be a big deal.tl;dr : my boyfriend got upset over a tiktok joke about a “kiss list” that happened to include my exes from early in high school who I am friends with, despite similarly joking around with his high school exes. What am I supposed to say to that? Should I be upset?
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