First "argument" with boyfriend and feeling weird about it.

My [22 F] boyfriend [30 M] is the kindest guy I've ever been with. I seriously love him so much. In the almost eight months we've been together, he's not once even said something that has hurt my feelings. He goes out of his way to show me how much he loves me. I'm living with my parents right now and he has his own place, so I stay over at his place twice a week. When I go over, he always cooks for us and goes out of his way to just make us a really nice meal. Cooking is not my forte, so I always voluntarily do the dishes after, just to help out. I was washing his dishes after he made us breakfast this morning, and was washing one of his pans by hand. There was black stuff stuck to the bottom, so I just scrubbed that stuff with a sponge and let everything go down the drain. I then asked him where I should leave it to dry and he turned to me and said "you didn't just pour bacon grease down the sink, did you?" Growing up, I honestly never did dishes, and when I cook for myself, I pretty much never cook meat, so I had never known this shouldn't be poured down the sink. You may think that's dumb - but I honestly didn't know. He had told me this a few months back when I poured legit grease down his sink. However, this time, it was stuck to the bottom of the pan, and it didn't occur to me that it was dried bacon grease. He didn't say anything else but seemed super annoyed, so I apologized, and then he was like "was there white stuff at the bottom of the pan?" and I was like "no it was black stuff." And he said "you don't have to lie." And that comment really upset me, and I said "why do you think I would lie to you? why would you say that?" I didn't snap at him or anything, but my tone was clearly sad and hurt. Then he apologized and said he's just stressed about work and hugged me, and I apologized again for pouring the stuff down the sink.

That was the first thing remotely close to an argument we've ever had, and we both just weren't even sure how to deal with it, and we kept apologizing to each other. He felt really bad, but I also felt like I just had a sensitive moment lol. We basically talked about it and both expressed how much we appreciate that this is not a familiar thing in our relationship and that it isn't normal to us. I'm not even hurt by his comment anymore, I just wish I hadn't gotten upset over it. I was in a very abusive relationship before him, and I've realized that little comments always put me on defense mode. I have this subconscious idea that if I let comments like this slide, my significant other will slowly become abusive. It's something I need to work on. Why do I feel so weird and cringed out by this? Is it because of my past experiences?

TL;DR My boyfriend and I kind of got in a fight and I feel like I overreacted.

Submitted March 30, 2020 at 12:00AM

My [22 F] boyfriend [30 M] is the kindest guy I've ever been with. I seriously love him so much. In the almost eight months we've been together, he's not once even said something that has hurt my feelings. He goes out of his way to show me how much he loves me. I'm living with my parents right now and he has his own place, so I stay over at his place twice a week. When I go over, he always cooks for us and goes out of his way to just make us a really nice meal. Cooking is not my forte, so I always voluntarily do the dishes after, just to help out. I was washing his dishes after he made us breakfast this morning, and was washing one of his pans by hand. There was black stuff stuck to the bottom, so I just scrubbed that stuff with a sponge and let everything go down the drain. I then asked him where I should leave it to dry and he turned to me and said "you didn't just pour bacon grease down the sink, did you?" Growing up, I honestly never did dishes, and when I cook for myself, I pretty much never cook meat, so I had never known this shouldn't be poured down the sink. You may think that's dumb - but I honestly didn't know. He had told me this a few months back when I poured legit grease down his sink. However, this time, it was stuck to the bottom of the pan, and it didn't occur to me that it was dried bacon grease. He didn't say anything else but seemed super annoyed, so I apologized, and then he was like "was there white stuff at the bottom of the pan?" and I was like "no it was black stuff." And he said "you don't have to lie." And that comment really upset me, and I said "why do you think I would lie to you? why would you say that?" I didn't snap at him or anything, but my tone was clearly sad and hurt. Then he apologized and said he's just stressed about work and hugged me, and I apologized again for pouring the stuff down the sink.That was the first thing remotely close to an argument we've ever had, and we both just weren't even sure how to deal with it, and we kept apologizing to each other. He felt really bad, but I also felt like I just had a sensitive moment lol. We basically talked about it and both expressed how much we appreciate that this is not a familiar thing in our relationship and that it isn't normal to us. I'm not even hurt by his comment anymore, I just wish I hadn't gotten upset over it. I was in a very abusive relationship before him, and I've realized that little comments always put me on defense mode. I have this subconscious idea that if I let comments like this slide, my significant other will slowly become abusive. It's something I need to work on. Why do I feel so weird and cringed out by this? Is it because of my past experiences?TL;DR My boyfriend and I kind of got in a fight and I feel like I overreacted.