Worried about my friend (25F) and her boyfriend (24M)

TLDR: I am kinda scared that my roomie and close friend (25F) is in a toxic relationship. My friend is acting distant and strange (withdrawing from friends) and her boyfriend (24M) seems controlling.

She has been with her boyfriend for almost 2 months officially, and they see each other every day/night. On Friday nights she packs a bag to stay at his house until Monday morning. For context he lives in the same city, his house is about 15 minutes away from ours. At first I didn’t think anything of it, it’s just normal honeymoon phase/butterflies stuff and in previous relationships she was very clingy so it wasn’t a big deal.

I have noticed a lot of changes in her behaviour since then and don’t know if I should be worried:

1. She has to wait for him before she can eat dinner every night. He finishes work late and she sometimes complains about how hungry she is, and when I tell her to just eat a snack or something while she waits she says no because her boyfriend would be mad. When they don’t eat dinner together, she always buys/cooks something for him and says “sorry” in a baby voice.

2. When she’s around him she talks in a baby voice much higher than her normal voice and acts dumb (pretends not to know easy things, mispronounces words). He frequently makes fun of her and laughs at her because of this.

3. The few times we are alone together in the house (either before/after dinner on weekdays), she walks around like a zombie. She doesn’t make eye contact with me, and doesn’t speak to me unless I initiate conversation and I struggle to get more than one sentence in response. Whenever the boyfriend is here, she’s suddenly very chatty and giggly with me acting like we’re best friends again and then she stops speaking again after he leaves. It’s like her personality has been sapped from her.

4. She rarely hangs out with any other friends and the past few weeks especially she has been MIA from our friend group. I still see her pretty often because a) we live together and b) we try to have one dinner or movie together every two weeks. When we hang out either just the two of us or with more friends, she is usually zoned out checking her phone, in a rush to leave and makes an excuse to leave early.

5. Her boyfriend gets mad and annoyed when she has to work. Her job is quite stressful and sometimes she needs to work from home for an hour or two overtime, or on the weekend. I’ve seen him guilt trip her for working while he’s there, saying it’s a waste of his time and she should have finished her work before.

I have tried to talk to her subtly about this and ask if she’s ok, and she told me she couldn’t be more in love and that this is the perfect relationship (her words).

Anyway, any advice on if I should bring this up with her and how? I don’t know if this is just how she is when she’s dating, because this is her first relationship since we moved in together. I know she is usually clingy but the boyfriend seems to be very controlling. Or is it the beginning of a toxic relationship or just codependency or maybe some dom/sub dynamic...I don’t know.

Submitted November 04, 2019 at 11:40PM

TLDR: I am kinda scared that my roomie and close friend (25F) is in a toxic relationship. My friend is acting distant and strange (withdrawing from friends) and her boyfriend (24M) seems controlling.She has been with her boyfriend for almost 2 months officially, and they see each other every day/night. On Friday nights she packs a bag to stay at his house until Monday morning. For context he lives in the same city, his house is about 15 minutes away from ours. At first I didn’t think anything of it, it’s just normal honeymoon phase/butterflies stuff and in previous relationships she was very clingy so it wasn’t a big deal.I have noticed a lot of changes in her behaviour since then and don’t know if I should be worried:She has to wait for him before she can eat dinner every night. He finishes work late and she sometimes complains about how hungry she is, and when I tell her to just eat a snack or something while she waits she says no because her boyfriend would be mad. When they don’t eat dinner together, she always buys/cooks something for him and says “sorry” in a baby voice.When she’s around him she talks in a baby voice much higher than her normal voice and acts dumb (pretends not to know easy things, mispronounces words). He frequently makes fun of her and laughs at her because of this.The few times we are alone together in the house (either before/after dinner on weekdays), she walks around like a zombie. She doesn’t make eye contact with me, and doesn’t speak to me unless I initiate conversation and I struggle to get more than one sentence in response. Whenever the boyfriend is here, she’s suddenly very chatty and giggly with me acting like we’re best friends again and then she stops speaking again after he leaves. It’s like her personality has been sapped from her.She rarely hangs out with any other friends and the past few weeks especially she has been MIA from our friend group. I still see her pretty often because a) we live together and b) we try to have one dinner or movie together every two weeks. When we hang out either just the two of us or with more friends, she is usually zoned out checking her phone, in a rush to leave and makes an excuse to leave early.Her boyfriend gets mad and annoyed when she has to work. Her job is quite stressful and sometimes she needs to work from home for an hour or two overtime, or on the weekend. I’ve seen him guilt trip her for working while he’s there, saying it’s a waste of his time and she should have finished her work before.I have tried to talk to her subtly about this and ask if she’s ok, and she told me she couldn’t be more in love and that this is the perfect relationship (her words).Anyway, any advice on if I should bring this up with her and how? I don’t know if this is just how she is when she’s dating, because this is her first relationship since we moved in together. I know she is usually clingy but the boyfriend seems to be very controlling. Or is it the beginning of a toxic relationship or just codependency or maybe some dom/sub dynamic...I don’t know.