My (25F) Fiancée (33) panders his ex..

Bit of background info, my partner and his ex were together for 11 years and have a 4 year old together. He once said that he had a kid with her to save the relationship (never engaged) but then when it comes up changes his story and says they were happy together and wanted one. He continually tells me how terrible of a person (and she is) she is but continues to pander to her to the point where he wouldn’t tell her about me for 4 months because he was worried of her reaction - they’d been broken up 3 and a half years. She lost her head over the news of us. Told the kid that daddy doesn’t love us anymore and caused some real damage. He then waited another 4 months to tell her that I was the one and we were engaged. Made out like it happened that weekend. So she thinks we’ve been together half the time we have..

We’ve been together 10 months now and she dictates everything he does with the kid. She constantly makes him feel bad and tells others too, by saying he’s not there enough but when he tries to take him for the weekend or spend time with him she does everything in her power to not let him. Excuse after excuse. It’s caused fights with us before because he won’t actively try and fix this by getting a court order or just standing up and saying I want to have my kid. He gets really upset when the kids not that interested in him and then takes it out on me- we both have anxiety and struggle a lot..she also tells him no matter if him and I are married 10 years down the track she doesn’t want me to be alone with him at any point or to be a parental figure at all because simply he’s not my kid. (She has separation anxiety from the kid)

She’s at every single family event. she was coming out on weekends with us and the kid so he didn’t freak out about spending time with dad and said new person (he only knows me as dads friend) he was being really weird one day and while I shouldn’t have. It was enough to make me look at his phone to see he messaged her saying he’s sorry he walked out. He realised now he should have stayed and that he misses them both. When I asked about it I was the bad person and I admitted where I went wrong. But tried to get him to understand why I was upset. Cue huge fight.

She’s one of the main reasons we fight, mainly due to him constantly trying to play by her rules and us having to reschedule because she doesn’t let my partner have him the weekend he’s meant to and she does it purely to be difficult.

I don’t trust him with her after seeing the messages he sent her. Which he doesn’t understand. Always saying I should just move on from any issue.

TLDR : partners Ex dictates everything, he constantly does things to keep her happy over our wants or the kids needs and it causes a lot of fights. His past in general we can’t escape.



Submitted November 04, 2019 at 11:27PM

Bit of background info, my partner and his ex were together for 11 years and have a 4 year old together. He once said that he had a kid with her to save the relationship (never engaged) but then when it comes up changes his story and says they were happy together and wanted one. He continually tells me how terrible of a person (and she is) she is but continues to pander to her to the point where he wouldn’t tell her about me for 4 months because he was worried of her reaction - they’d been broken up 3 and a half years. She lost her head over the news of us. Told the kid that daddy doesn’t love us anymore and caused some real damage. He then waited another 4 months to tell her that I was the one and we were engaged. Made out like it happened that weekend. So she thinks we’ve been together half the time we have..We’ve been together 10 months now and she dictates everything he does with the kid. She constantly makes him feel bad and tells others too, by saying he’s not there enough but when he tries to take him for the weekend or spend time with him she does everything in her power to not let him. Excuse after excuse. It’s caused fights with us before because he won’t actively try and fix this by getting a court order or just standing up and saying I want to have my kid. He gets really upset when the kids not that interested in him and then takes it out on me- we both have anxiety and struggle a lot..she also tells him no matter if him and I are married 10 years down the track she doesn’t want me to be alone with him at any point or to be a parental figure at all because simply he’s not my kid. (She has separation anxiety from the kid)She’s at every single family event. she was coming out on weekends with us and the kid so he didn’t freak out about spending time with dad and said new person (he only knows me as dads friend) he was being really weird one day and while I shouldn’t have. It was enough to make me look at his phone to see he messaged her saying he’s sorry he walked out. He realised now he should have stayed and that he misses them both. When I asked about it I was the bad person and I admitted where I went wrong. But tried to get him to understand why I was upset. Cue huge fight.She’s one of the main reasons we fight, mainly due to him constantly trying to play by her rules and us having to reschedule because she doesn’t let my partner have him the weekend he’s meant to and she does it purely to be difficult.I don’t trust him with her after seeing the messages he sent her. Which he doesn’t understand. Always saying I should just move on from any issue.TLDR : partners Ex dictates everything, he constantly does things to keep her happy over our wants or the kids needs and it causes a lot of fights. His past in general we can’t escape.
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