Will it ever get better?

I've (26 f) been dating a guy (28m) for a little over 5 years now. I moved my entire life in with him after 2 years of dating. I left my family, friends, job and the only town I'd ever really known to truly start a life together with him. For the first several years together everything seemed so great, almost like a fairytale. He had every quality I was looking for in someone, and I just felt like I had absolutely hit the jackpot with him. Within the last year he started his own company taking a very large toll on his own life and our relationship in the process. I try to be a very supportive girlfriend, often putting his needs and happiness above my own. Always encouraging him to go after his dreams, helping him in any way I can.

Throughout this time, he's seemed more distant - making me feel as if I'm no longer a top priority in his life. The fights become more frequent. I feel as if I do everything in my power to find ways to not upset him, but I feel like no matter what I do or try I always fall short and he still finds something to be upset with me about. I feel as if I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him, making sure to not make him mad. The thing with me and him when we're good, we're great... but when we're bad, it's disgustingly bad. He has destroyed my self confidence, called me every name in the book, slapped me across the face, choked me out until the point I blacked out, slammed me down on concrete, destroyed several of my personal items, smashed plates/glasses/ext against the walls, punched holes in the wall (I wish I could say his name was Kyle), pushed me down, shoved me, left bruises on my arms/face/chest. And honestly my dumbass has stayed with him for some reason through all of it and I can't even answer why. In the back of my head I want to say because it's because I love him, but love isn't supposed to feel like that. And I KNOW THIS, but I don't know how to leave for good. He's so manipulative and apologizes most of the time for the bad things he does and promises they will never happen again. I have a bad quality of always trying to see the good in people, and I always feel like things are going to be different this time around. I also want to add that I have never retaliated back at him in the same manner he approached me. I have never called him names, never laid a hand on him in a violent way whatsoever. I've never belitted him, made him feel worthless or like he was beneath me. I don't have it in my own heart to treat him how he treats me and I don't know what that says about me. I just feel so lost and broken.

When I get upset about something, he gets mad at me because I'm upset about something. But he'll turn around and get extremely upset about something with me and i instantly just try to fix whatever is making him upset no matter what it is I just want to make it better. It's a double standard that he has that he denies that he has and I don't know how to make him see it. He never hardly takes ownership for his actions, but is the first one to make me feel like I shouldn't have reacted a certain way or felt a certain way about something. I just feel like in his eyes I'm always beneath him, I'm never his equal. My heart hurts and my mental state isn't good. I know this, but in the back of my head I'm still hanging on to this false hope that things will go back to how they used to be and I never give up on him. Help me please.

TL;DR! : I (26f) feel like I am losing myself trying to hold on to someone (28m) that is no good for me. Toxic relationship, that i reminisce when "the times were good" too often instead of focusing on the current state.

Submitted November 04, 2019 at 11:31PM

I've (26 f) been dating a guy (28m) for a little over 5 years now. I moved my entire life in with him after 2 years of dating. I left my family, friends, job and the only town I'd ever really known to truly start a life together with him. For the first several years together everything seemed so great, almost like a fairytale. He had every quality I was looking for in someone, and I just felt like I had absolutely hit the jackpot with him. Within the last year he started his own company taking a very large toll on his own life and our relationship in the process. I try to be a very supportive girlfriend, often putting his needs and happiness above my own. Always encouraging him to go after his dreams, helping him in any way I can.Throughout this time, he's seemed more distant - making me feel as if I'm no longer a top priority in his life. The fights become more frequent. I feel as if I do everything in my power to find ways to not upset him, but I feel like no matter what I do or try I always fall short and he still finds something to be upset with me about. I feel as if I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him, making sure to not make him mad. The thing with me and him when we're good, we're great... but when we're bad, it's disgustingly bad. He has destroyed my self confidence, called me every name in the book, slapped me across the face, choked me out until the point I blacked out, slammed me down on concrete, destroyed several of my personal items, smashed plates/glasses/ext against the walls, punched holes in the wall (I wish I could say his name was Kyle), pushed me down, shoved me, left bruises on my arms/face/chest. And honestly my dumbass has stayed with him for some reason through all of it and I can't even answer why. In the back of my head I want to say because it's because I love him, but love isn't supposed to feel like that. And I KNOW THIS, but I don't know how to leave for good. He's so manipulative and apologizes most of the time for the bad things he does and promises they will never happen again. I have a bad quality of always trying to see the good in people, and I always feel like things are going to be different this time around. I also want to add that I have never retaliated back at him in the same manner he approached me. I have never called him names, never laid a hand on him in a violent way whatsoever. I've never belitted him, made him feel worthless or like he was beneath me. I don't have it in my own heart to treat him how he treats me and I don't know what that says about me. I just feel so lost and broken.When I get upset about something, he gets mad at me because I'm upset about something. But he'll turn around and get extremely upset about something with me and i instantly just try to fix whatever is making him upset no matter what it is I just want to make it better. It's a double standard that he has that he denies that he has and I don't know how to make him see it. He never hardly takes ownership for his actions, but is the first one to make me feel like I shouldn't have reacted a certain way or felt a certain way about something. I just feel like in his eyes I'm always beneath him, I'm never his equal. My heart hurts and my mental state isn't good. I know this, but in the back of my head I'm still hanging on to this false hope that things will go back to how they used to be and I never give up on him. Help me please.TL;DR! : I (26f) feel like I am losing myself trying to hold on to someone (28m) that is no good for me. Toxic relationship, that i reminisce when "the times were good" too often instead of focusing on the current state.