How can I (22F) stop getting so emotional over my boyfriend (21M) not talking to me as much?

Recently my boyfriend (21M) has been quiet. It's not that he isn't there for me or emotionally available, but he's just been very busy. I know this. His job has him working a lot and he's been sick so he takes quite a few naps. For the first month of our relationship we talked almost ever two hours every day. But now he'll leave me for five or six hours without a response. He'll give me one word answers when we do talk. If I say something like "Are you okay? You've been pretty quiet today, just checking up." Then he seems to be a little more communicative for about an hour. I think it's just to appease me.

I know this shouldn't get to me. I've been in relationships where I wouldn't talk to someone for two or three days. It's just a huge difference from the whole honeymoon period. I worry a lot about what's going on. At first I thought he was distancing himself because he wanted to break up with me. Then we had a bit of a discussion about money problems last night and I thought for sure he was going to tell me I wasn't worth the issues. I know that I'm the problem and it's my self esteem. I try to do things for myself throughout the day. I haven't been working and I think that's the biggest issue. I don't have much to keep me preoccupied and if I'm not working all my energy goes to anxiety. I finally got an interview for this week so hopefully I'll be back on track with that.

Is there something I can do to not take it so personally or not wallow in the fact that he doesn't respond for hours at a time? I used to be fine with it, so I have no idea what's going on and why I can't seem to handle it so well anymore. I'm not blaming him whatsoever. He's done nothing wrong and he says all the right things when I do express to him that I've been feeling lonely. And I never blame him for being busy. I'm sure if he could talk to me and had the time and energy that he would. And even knowing all of this it still upsets me.

Td;lr: my boyfriend is busy. I try not to bother him through the day, but it's still very hard for me to be left hours without talking to him. I know it's because of my low self esteem and I'm wondering how I can change this.



Submitted November 04, 2019 at 11:55PM

Recently my boyfriend (21M) has been quiet. It's not that he isn't there for me or emotionally available, but he's just been very busy. I know this. His job has him working a lot and he's been sick so he takes quite a few naps. For the first month of our relationship we talked almost ever two hours every day. But now he'll leave me for five or six hours without a response. He'll give me one word answers when we do talk. If I say something like "Are you okay? You've been pretty quiet today, just checking up." Then he seems to be a little more communicative for about an hour. I think it's just to appease me.I know this shouldn't get to me. I've been in relationships where I wouldn't talk to someone for two or three days. It's just a huge difference from the whole honeymoon period. I worry a lot about what's going on. At first I thought he was distancing himself because he wanted to break up with me. Then we had a bit of a discussion about money problems last night and I thought for sure he was going to tell me I wasn't worth the issues. I know that I'm the problem and it's my self esteem. I try to do things for myself throughout the day. I haven't been working and I think that's the biggest issue. I don't have much to keep me preoccupied and if I'm not working all my energy goes to anxiety. I finally got an interview for this week so hopefully I'll be back on track with that.Is there something I can do to not take it so personally or not wallow in the fact that he doesn't respond for hours at a time? I used to be fine with it, so I have no idea what's going on and why I can't seem to handle it so well anymore. I'm not blaming him whatsoever. He's done nothing wrong and he says all the right things when I do express to him that I've been feeling lonely. And I never blame him for being busy. I'm sure if he could talk to me and had the time and energy that he would. And even knowing all of this it still upsets me.Td;lr: my boyfriend is busy. I try not to bother him through the day, but it's still very hard for me to be left hours without talking to him. I know it's because of my low self esteem and I'm wondering how I can change this.
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