My (30f) husband (33m) is considering working for a Big Evil company

We’ve been married for 12yrs and have an amazing relationship with (usually) great communication and support for each other.

Background: We both grew up extremely poor and have strived together to build a better life for ourselves. Neither of us have college degrees, but have done so much to get where we are (I’m talking owning our cars, buying a house, and paying our bills, nothing too extravagant like travel or anything). I have my own business that helps with household purchases and fun stuff, but spend most of my day taking care of our home/pets due to chronic illness. He built himself from the ground up and is now an expert in his field with a lot of professional certifications and credentials with ten years of experience. He supports us financially, and we are both happy with this, but he’s been undervalued/under paid at his current company for almost 6yrs. He hasn’t been able to move up and constant restructuring + pay issues have been frustrating, so he decided to start job hunting. I support this bc I hate how miserable his company is and I know how hard it wears on him.

He immediately booked an interview with a company he has been interested in for some time. It went well, they offered him a $40k pay increase upfront and sent an official offer letter. Omg Yay!

And then the recruiters came out of the woodwork.

He was approached about several positions in a company that I will call Big Evil, due to current events and the focus that has been on them. Their hq is in our city and has multiple weekly protests, rallies, marches, etc outside their building. They are constantly in the news and a HUGE local political topic. He would be working primarily at home/on the road, so I’m not worried about his safety or anything but... they are still Big Evil. We sat and briefly talked about the situation and he said he would throw a highball offer at them during his phone interview and see what happens (he could always use it to negotiate with other companies he considers).

The interview went really well and they offered him an $80k pay increase without batting an eye. And want to fly him two states away next week for an official in person interview.

Big Evil is, in fact, giant and without morals. We tend to have similar political stances, but he is more “let them fight amongst themselves” while I am more “fight for basic human compassion”. I go to protests/volunteer for things I am passionate about, and he supports that. He knows how I feel about them and the world at large. We have talked a few times about the ramifications of working for Big Evil and my comfort of his potential employment with them, but I am trying so hard to stay supportive and focus on what is good for HIM and his career growth. Plus AN EXTRA $80k?!?! eternal screaming

I’ve stopped bringing it up bc I feel like our discussions are going nowhere (he will turn the focus to how evil his current company is, bc they are and also have shitty morals both in business practices and how they treat their employees). Or he’ll go on about other kind of biggish evilish companies and their impact on the world. OR he will turn the conversation to what that money would mean to us and our family.

I just.... I don’t know how to handle my feelings about him being a Big Evil employee, but desperately don’t want to shit on his hard work and achievements. His work and qualifications are actually worth that. He works hard and deserves so much good, and I really don’t want him to think that I’m questioning that.

Do I keep pushing him to go back to his initial offer and see if he can settle or negotiate for more, or let him accept this life changing job that he is so excited for? Do I negotiate with him to donate a portion of his new paychecks to orgs that work to fight the damage caused by Big Evil? Do I stop protesting and just shut up, or risk it hurting his potential employment? I’m trying hard to not make this about politics (not allowed!), but more about morality as a simple employee to a company that does real damage.

TL;DR Husband is considering working for a horrible giant company (with a large pay increase) that I protest at monthly, and I don’t know how to handle this and not destroy him or my marriage.

Submitted November 04, 2019 at 11:26PM

We’ve been married for 12yrs and have an amazing relationship with (usually) great communication and support for each other.Background: We both grew up extremely poor and have strived together to build a better life for ourselves. Neither of us have college degrees, but have done so much to get where we are (I’m talking owning our cars, buying a house, and paying our bills, nothing too extravagant like travel or anything). I have my own business that helps with household purchases and fun stuff, but spend most of my day taking care of our home/pets due to chronic illness. He built himself from the ground up and is now an expert in his field with a lot of professional certifications and credentials with ten years of experience. He supports us financially, and we are both happy with this, but he’s been undervalued/under paid at his current company for almost 6yrs. He hasn’t been able to move up and constant restructuring + pay issues have been frustrating, so he decided to start job hunting. I support this bc I hate how miserable his company is and I know how hard it wears on him.He immediately booked an interview with a company he has been interested in for some time. It went well, they offered him a $40k pay increase upfront and sent an official offer letter. Omg Yay!And then the recruiters came out of the woodwork.He was approached about several positions in a company that I will call Big Evil, due to current events and the focus that has been on them. Their hq is in our city and has multiple weekly protests, rallies, marches, etc outside their building. They are constantly in the news and a HUGE local political topic. He would be working primarily at home/on the road, so I’m not worried about his safety or anything but... they are still Big Evil. We sat and briefly talked about the situation and he said he would throw a highball offer at them during his phone interview and see what happens (he could always use it to negotiate with other companies he considers).The interview went really well and they offered him an $80k pay increase without batting an eye. And want to fly him two states away next week for an official in person interview.Big Evil is, in fact, giant and without morals. We tend to have similar political stances, but he is more “let them fight amongst themselves” while I am more “fight for basic human compassion”. I go to protests/volunteer for things I am passionate about, and he supports that. He knows how I feel about them and the world at large. We have talked a few times about the ramifications of working for Big Evil and my comfort of his potential employment with them, but I am trying so hard to stay supportive and focus on what is good for HIM and his career growth. Plus AN EXTRA $80k?!?! eternal screamingI’ve stopped bringing it up bc I feel like our discussions are going nowhere (he will turn the focus to how evil his current company is, bc they are and also have shitty morals both in business practices and how they treat their employees). Or he’ll go on about other kind of biggish evilish companies and their impact on the world. OR he will turn the conversation to what that money would mean to us and our family.I just.... I don’t know how to handle my feelings about him being a Big Evil employee, but desperately don’t want to shit on his hard work and achievements. His work and qualifications are actually worth that. He works hard and deserves so much good, and I really don’t want him to think that I’m questioning that.Do I keep pushing him to go back to his initial offer and see if he can settle or negotiate for more, or let him accept this life changing job that he is so excited for? Do I negotiate with him to donate a portion of his new paychecks to orgs that work to fight the damage caused by Big Evil? Do I stop protesting and just shut up, or risk it hurting his potential employment? I’m trying hard to not make this about politics (not allowed!), but more about morality as a simple employee to a company that does real damage.TL;DR Husband is considering working for a horrible giant company (with a large pay increase) that I protest at monthly, and I don’t know how to handle this and not destroy him or my marriage.