/u/MordekiaserGod on Graysexual but I WANT a romantic and sexual partner

Yo, I'm the same. The exact fucking same.

I'm Demisexual and Demiromantic. I don't feel attracted to really anybody, but when I do and have a bond with them, I do want a loving relationship and sex, but it's moreso a sensual and the feeling of being close to the loved one sort of thing. I want them to be lived and pleased in every way I can.

Sadly, I'm in love with a girl I've known for almost 10 years, and dated for 2 in high school. We live together, but she is full on Ace all the way. She doesn't want sex, ever, at all, unless she wanted a kid (which she doesn't know if she wants or not), and even than cringed when she said you don't always get preggers the first time.

She also doesn't like hugs, being touchy feely, or really any intimacy with anyone.

Sadly, I can't change how I feel about her. I've tried. But it's there and won't go away. Even when I was traveling doing sales, I'd have pleasent dreams about her and I having dinner, talking, spending time together, and it was always so nice.

These days, we go out and have dinner regularly, but she also has told me a handful of times that she doesn't feel anything more than a friend. She says she has never felt Love for anyone before, never felt physical attraction, and doesn't like anything lovey dovey, or touchy feely at all. She says it wouldn't be fair for me because I need someone who will Love me like I can love them.

The thing is, idgaf about those other "fish in the sea." I'm not fishing, and I don't even feel attracted to anyone, like ever. And now that I am... Sigh, she's full on Ace, and I can't change how I feel, and feel completely fucked because I'm Demisexual and Demiromantic.

It makes me sad how and what I am, because I don't want to be alone, and want love in my life, because I feel a Live without Love is just sad, existential horror. Life is literally Hell, but having Love in your life makes it worth it. Given how I am, it seems I'll have to go thru this Hell without Love, and yeah, it hurts.

At least if I was full Ace in both ways, I wouldn't have to feel sad like this. Ironically, I feel like she feels something similar, because when I read my note/ monologue asking her out and gave her a flourite bracelet, she cried because she thinks she'll never be normal; never feel Live or attraction to another. Obviously a part of her wants something.. but she seems quite unable to have those feelings.

v_v

TL;DR: Yeah, I feel you. It sucks and I can relate.





November 04, 2019 at 12:06AM
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