My (23F) friend (23F) is avoiding confrontation with me and I don't know what to do

I've been friends with this girl since high school, and we used to be really really close, even roomed together in college and such. Generally it's been a good time, but I also tend to let things that bother me about our relationship go. Towards the end of last year, she's gone through a lot of personal troubles, and has been ranting/complaining a lot to me, to the point where I've stopped talking about myself and every conversation felt like a loop of the same topics.

It's gotten better recently, but last year while she was stressed, she would get very moody and act very icy to me for no reason. It got so bad that she would just ignore me while we're together, and this used to stress me out a lot (I for some reason always thought I was making her annoyed or something) but I realized that's just how she acts when she's in a bad mood.

The moodiness combined with the non stop ranting about her own life really took a toll on me, and since I never confronted her, I feel like it's really been building up. It's gotten a bit better recently, but recently she acted icy towards me again (but turned around to other people and acted completely friendly and normal) and I got pretty upset. I tried to confront her about it, but she ignored my messages and at first even tried to pretend like everything was okay. I then tried to bring it up again, but she acted really condescendingly (saying like oh what are you talking about? I don't understand) and basically deflected everything. She's always been a really passive and non-confrontational person, but I really thought she cared about our friendship enough to ... actually do something about it?

So I'm not really sure what to do. I want to still be friends, but I don't want to be treated this way and I at least want to have a dialogue, but she doesn't seem open to that either.

TL;DR: My friend is avoiding confrontation with me and I don't know what to do or how to approach her.



Submitted November 04, 2019 at 12:09AM

I've been friends with this girl since high school, and we used to be really really close, even roomed together in college and such. Generally it's been a good time, but I also tend to let things that bother me about our relationship go. Towards the end of last year, she's gone through a lot of personal troubles, and has been ranting/complaining a lot to me, to the point where I've stopped talking about myself and every conversation felt like a loop of the same topics.It's gotten better recently, but last year while she was stressed, she would get very moody and act very icy to me for no reason. It got so bad that she would just ignore me while we're together, and this used to stress me out a lot (I for some reason always thought I was making her annoyed or something) but I realized that's just how she acts when she's in a bad mood.The moodiness combined with the non stop ranting about her own life really took a toll on me, and since I never confronted her, I feel like it's really been building up. It's gotten a bit better recently, but recently she acted icy towards me again (but turned around to other people and acted completely friendly and normal) and I got pretty upset. I tried to confront her about it, but she ignored my messages and at first even tried to pretend like everything was okay. I then tried to bring it up again, but she acted really condescendingly (saying like oh what are you talking about? I don't understand) and basically deflected everything. She's always been a really passive and non-confrontational person, but I really thought she cared about our friendship enough to ... actually do something about it?So I'm not really sure what to do. I want to still be friends, but I don't want to be treated this way and I at least want to have a dialogue, but she doesn't seem open to that either.TL;DR: My friend is avoiding confrontation with me and I don't know what to do or how to approach her.
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