No idea how to peacefully confront my [22M] roommate/friend about their [21NB] neglected health issues

I've talked to my roommates about this and they want no part of it, and as much as I don't want to be involved with their personal issues, it negatively affects everyone in the house. I just really want to hear other opinions about this. I have no idea if it's even my place to be saying anything or not (which, if it's not, please tell me), but I am genuinely concerned about them.

My roommate has an eating disorder. They will acknowledge it, but have no desire to do anything about it. I understand this (I know how hard it is to actually manage that), but it's not all that's going on. They blame their eating disorder not on any sort of body image issues (which I believe), but on a mysterious "chronic illness" that they have. They claim that this illness is abdominal migranes (which I have doubts about since that's usually something only seen in children). I believe that their symptoms are real: stomach pain, nausea, etc. But I don't think it's abdominal migranes, I think it's anxiety and the eating disorder. They claim to have medication that they take for this (you treat an abdominal migrane the same as any other migrane), yet sometimes they can go DAYS without leaving their room because they are sick. I want to believe them, but let's just say that they don't have a very good track record when it comes to honesty, pity parties, or responsibility. They have hypochondria, and have convinced themselves on several other occasions that they have health problems they clearly don't have or wouldn't make sense for them to have. I have a nagging suspicion that they use their "sickness" as an excuse to get out of doing things like chores, homework, work, etc... things they normally struggle with.

We have had MULTIPLE conversations, spanning a few years, about them seeking help for their stomach problems. They refuse to seek a proper diagnosis, treatment, anything. They constantly talk about how much they are suffering, which has been met with nothing but sympathy and encouragement from us, but it got old after a while knowing that they refuse to take any steps towards relieving this suffering. I want them to get better, but they treat it as an impossibility.

Honestly, I think what bothers me the most about it is their defeatist attitude of "I'm sick and there's nothing I can do about it", particularly because 1. they haven't ever tried to do anything about it and 2. *I* have a chronic illness (severe ulcerative colitis) that 80% of the time does not affect my life because of medical treatment (i.e. I did something about it). They just have such a self-victimizing mindset that they would rather go their entire life complaining about how much their life sucks then actually try to address the problem and figure out what's going on and what they can do about it. Money, accessibility, etc. is not the issue, and they actually recently started seeing a primary care doctor for the first time, but apparently did not mention the stomach issues at all. They seem to have a lot of trouble communicating with and trusting doctors, which I think is understandable, but they're also a grown ass dude and need to learn how to do that if they are spending the time and money to go to these appointments.

We've talked about this issue often, but nothing ever happens. It immensely upsets them for me to bring it up, even when I'm just checking in on them. I know I can't MAKE my roommate do anything, but I'm a "tough love" kind of guy, and I'm genuinely just frustrated that this is such a problem in their life when, to me, it doesn't have to be. What (if anything) can I do to encourage my roommate to get actual help? Or should I give up on trying?

TL;DR: My roommate constantly complains about stomach issues and is often too sick to perform basic tasks, but even after years of having friends encourage them to seek treatment, they refuse. Is there anything I can do about this?

Submitted November 04, 2019 at 12:11AM

I've talked to my roommates about this and they want no part of it, and as much as I don't want to be involved with their personal issues, it negatively affects everyone in the house. I just really want to hear other opinions about this. I have no idea if it's even my place to be saying anything or not (which, if it's not, please tell me), but I am genuinely concerned about them.My roommate has an eating disorder. They will acknowledge it, but have no desire to do anything about it. I understand this (I know how hard it is to actually manage that), but it's not all that's going on. They blame their eating disorder not on any sort of body image issues (which I believe), but on a mysterious "chronic illness" that they have. They claim that this illness is abdominal migranes (which I have doubts about since that's usually something only seen in children). I believe that their symptoms are real: stomach pain, nausea, etc. But I don't think it's abdominal migranes, I think it's anxiety and the eating disorder. They claim to have medication that they take for this (you treat an abdominal migrane the same as any other migrane), yet sometimes they can go DAYS without leaving their room because they are sick. I want to believe them, but let's just say that they don't have a very good track record when it comes to honesty, pity parties, or responsibility. They have hypochondria, and have convinced themselves on several other occasions that they have health problems they clearly don't have or wouldn't make sense for them to have. I have a nagging suspicion that they use their "sickness" as an excuse to get out of doing things like chores, homework, work, etc... things they normally struggle with.We have had MULTIPLE conversations, spanning a few years, about them seeking help for their stomach problems. They refuse to seek a proper diagnosis, treatment, anything. They constantly talk about how much they are suffering, which has been met with nothing but sympathy and encouragement from us, but it got old after a while knowing that they refuse to take any steps towards relieving this suffering. I want them to get better, but they treat it as an impossibility.Honestly, I think what bothers me the most about it is their defeatist attitude of "I'm sick and there's nothing I can do about it", particularly because 1. they haven't ever tried to do anything about it and 2. *I* have a chronic illness (severe ulcerative colitis) that 80% of the time does not affect my life because of medical treatment (i.e. I did something about it). They just have such a self-victimizing mindset that they would rather go their entire life complaining about how much their life sucks then actually try to address the problem and figure out what's going on and what they can do about it. Money, accessibility, etc. is not the issue, and they actually recently started seeing a primary care doctor for the first time, but apparently did not mention the stomach issues at all. They seem to have a lot of trouble communicating with and trusting doctors, which I think is understandable, but they're also a grown ass dude and need to learn how to do that if they are spending the time and money to go to these appointments.We've talked about this issue often, but nothing ever happens. It immensely upsets them for me to bring it up, even when I'm just checking in on them. I know I can't MAKE my roommate do anything, but I'm a "tough love" kind of guy, and I'm genuinely just frustrated that this is such a problem in their life when, to me, it doesn't have to be. What (if anything) can I do to encourage my roommate to get actual help? Or should I give up on trying?TL;DR: My roommate constantly complains about stomach issues and is often too sick to perform basic tasks, but even after years of having friends encourage them to seek treatment, they refuse. Is there anything I can do about this?