My [23F] friend's [25M] girlfriend [22F] doesn't want me to talk to him or see him. He wants me to.

Weird title, sorry.

I'll call the friend V, and his girlfriend M.

V and I aren't very close; we used to be much closer, but then drifted apart over drama in our group of friends. This was before V and M met. Recently (meaning over the last year or so) we reconnected because of circumstances, we don't really hang out but we see each other regularly in class and chat often.

I feel like I should specify this because I don't want to seem insincere - there was some ambiguity between me and V at the time, I think we both definitely considered dating the other, but it never happened. This was about 4/5 years ago. I had a little crush, but I was also 18, you know how it is.

I wouldn't talk to M as much. I thought it was normal, I knew him and he was in my class, she wasn't and we never even were really introduced. Some time later I found out she was saying I was antagonising her and "excluding" her. I was really baffled. It's not like she had ever shown interest in interacting with me, anyway. So I went and talked to her and tried to tell her that wasn't my intention.

After that I found out he also had been spreading this "rumor" so I went to confront him. It was a weird conversation. He apologized about it and said he was just being protective of her. We talked about the reasons we grew apart. I'll get back to this shortly. The weirder thing that happened is that we were interrupted by M. Her intervention went a little like this: "I'm sorry, but I just can't take this anymore. I can't just sit inside knowing you're here with him. Why won't you leave him alone? What do you want from him? He's just a classmate of yours and I am his girlfriend. You should want nothing to do with him. I am just sick and tired of hearing about you." She also called me 'fake and a hypocrite' for going to talk to her over the issue. I really didn't know what to do at this point. I tried to joke around and lighten the mood and just dropped it. I thought that meant we wouldn't be interacting again.

Instead, we ended up growing somewhat closer. I know I should have backed off, probably, but he actively tries to spend time with me. Never in obvious ways and most importantly never alone - if we find ourselves being the only two studying in a study room he will straight up go home. But on several occasions I have physically seen them arguing because I was there. I had invited them both to my birthday party, only he came, and I overheard him saying he didn't know what to do about M because they had a bad argument.

Who would put their relationship in danger like this over something so minor? I really don't want to have this thought, but I can't help thinking he might have feelings for me. Aside from the situation itself, I'll make a little list of my "hints" since this is getting long. - Seems to look for physical contact, although always in discreet and weird ways. If we sit next to each other, his leg is always touching mine. If I hand him something over, he always touches my hand when taking it. (Unless I'm imagining this, but I don't know.) - Back when we had 'the conversation' he said two things that striked me as peculiar. The first was "I want us to try and get back in touch, but we can't get too close. We're not ready for that." And the second was, when we were talking about our old group of friends, I confronted him about the way he behaved towards some people - specifically some girls - and told him I expected the same treatment (basically not listening to them) and he said ''that's different, I liked them but I didn't want anything serious with them". This was weird because the topic was more general than that, and also, that's different...? Does that imply he wanted something serious with me? I don't get it... I only thought of this later, but... - And finally... Comments by friends of ours, things like "he always holds you under special attention" or jokes about how he "still got it bad for me". Other friends, though, say he and his girlfriend are super in love.

What should I do...? I'm hoping I'm wrong. I was looking forward to be friends with him again, but this situation is messing with my head, and I'm afraid that if I let it get to me I might start getting a crush all over again and that is surely a HIGHLY undesirable situation. And in any case, should I drop the idea of being friends with him? I used to think it was achievable and was determined to become friends with M as well, but if he does have feelings for me, that changes everything, doesn't it? I don't think unexplained no contact would work, though. He would ask me about it.

TL;DR: reconnected with an old friend I had a bit of a crush on 5 years ago. Turns out his girlfriend is probably jealous of me and doesn't want me to talk to him. He seems happy to see me though, and seems to be trying to maintain contact. Various things made me think he might be interested in me romantically. I'm confused.

Submitted November 24, 2019 at 11:02PM

Weird title, sorry.I'll call the friend V, and his girlfriend M.V and I aren't very close; we used to be much closer, but then drifted apart over drama in our group of friends. This was before V and M met. Recently (meaning over the last year or so) we reconnected because of circumstances, we don't really hang out but we see each other regularly in class and chat often.I feel like I should specify this because I don't want to seem insincere - there was some ambiguity between me and V at the time, I think we both definitely considered dating the other, but it never happened. This was about 4/5 years ago. I had a little crush, but I was also 18, you know how it is.I wouldn't talk to M as much. I thought it was normal, I knew him and he was in my class, she wasn't and we never even were really introduced. Some time later I found out she was saying I was antagonising her and "excluding" her. I was really baffled. It's not like she had ever shown interest in interacting with me, anyway. So I went and talked to her and tried to tell her that wasn't my intention.After that I found out he also had been spreading this "rumor" so I went to confront him. It was a weird conversation. He apologized about it and said he was just being protective of her. We talked about the reasons we grew apart. I'll get back to this shortly. The weirder thing that happened is that we were interrupted by M. Her intervention went a little like this: "I'm sorry, but I just can't take this anymore. I can't just sit inside knowing you're here with him. Why won't you leave him alone? What do you want from him? He's just a classmate of yours and I am his girlfriend. You should want nothing to do with him. I am just sick and tired of hearing about you." She also called me 'fake and a hypocrite' for going to talk to her over the issue. I really didn't know what to do at this point. I tried to joke around and lighten the mood and just dropped it. I thought that meant we wouldn't be interacting again.Instead, we ended up growing somewhat closer. I know I should have backed off, probably, but he actively tries to spend time with me. Never in obvious ways and most importantly never alone - if we find ourselves being the only two studying in a study room he will straight up go home. But on several occasions I have physically seen them arguing because I was there. I had invited them both to my birthday party, only he came, and I overheard him saying he didn't know what to do about M because they had a bad argument.Who would put their relationship in danger like this over something so minor? I really don't want to have this thought, but I can't help thinking he might have feelings for me. Aside from the situation itself, I'll make a little list of my "hints" since this is getting long. - Seems to look for physical contact, although always in discreet and weird ways. If we sit next to each other, his leg is always touching mine. If I hand him something over, he always touches my hand when taking it. (Unless I'm imagining this, but I don't know.) - Back when we had 'the conversation' he said two things that striked me as peculiar. The first was "I want us to try and get back in touch, but we can't get too close. We're not ready for that." And the second was, when we were talking about our old group of friends, I confronted him about the way he behaved towards some people - specifically some girls - and told him I expected the same treatment (basically not listening to them) and he said ''that's different, I liked them but I didn't want anything serious with them". This was weird because the topic was more general than that, and also, that's different...? Does that imply he wanted something serious with me? I don't get it... I only thought of this later, but... - And finally... Comments by friends of ours, things like "he always holds you under special attention" or jokes about how he "still got it bad for me". Other friends, though, say he and his girlfriend are super in love.What should I do...? I'm hoping I'm wrong. I was looking forward to be friends with him again, but this situation is messing with my head, and I'm afraid that if I let it get to me I might start getting a crush all over again and that is surely a HIGHLY undesirable situation. And in any case, should I drop the idea of being friends with him? I used to think it was achievable and was determined to become friends with M as well, but if he does have feelings for me, that changes everything, doesn't it? I don't think unexplained no contact would work, though. He would ask me about it.TL;DR: reconnected with an old friend I had a bit of a crush on 5 years ago. Turns out his girlfriend is probably jealous of me and doesn't want me to talk to him. He seems happy to see me though, and seems to be trying to maintain contact. Various things made me think he might be interested in me romantically. I'm confused.