Me (38f) with red flags...trust him (40m) or run for the hills?

Married 8 years. Right after we got married (ie on our honeymoon) I used his phone one morning and saw a dating app. I was shocked and downloaded it on my own phone and found his profile. It was very incomplete but his picture was there. I confronted him and he said it was stupid, he made a profile one night a year prior when we had a big argument but he never used it and forgot about it. And then he deleted it in front of me. Ok, moving on.

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4 years ago I noticed a piece of paper in his jeans while doing laundry. It had a woman's name on it with a number to text. I asked him about that one. He said he's never contacted her but one night when he was at a strip club for a buddy's bachelor party, this stripper slipped him her number and said she'd be available for an "arrangement". He says he just never threw the paper away. I wasn't sure about that.....he does always tip very very well (everywhere with everyone) so I thought maybe she thought she could get more cash out of him? No idea. I was feeling suspicious so I contacted her via text. I told her I was his wife and asked if they had met up. She told me she felt her privacy was invaded by me contacting her and to speak to my husband. She didn't admit or deny either way. He swore on our children's life that he never met up with her or had any kind of arrangement.

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Fast forward to last year...I turned on his laptop because mine wasn't working. The first page that it pulled up was a page for escorts. He said he's never in his life met up with an escort but that he looked them up when he wanted to masturbate because porn was getting boring. The thrill of knowing he COULD call up a real escort and pay for sex was more exciting (to masturbate to).

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That brings us to now. A few months ago, when doing taxes I noticed suspicious amounts withdrawn from his personal account. It was $400 here. $400 there. He just doesn't historically use money in this way....if he's going to the trouble of going to the ATM he will take the full daily amount out....always. He never takes out amounts like that. I asked him what it was for and he first couldn't remember. Then he remembered it was for some items that he bought from a liquidator. The liquidator closed just after these purchases (and they were very fly-by-night anyway), so it's not like I could even find out from them. And it's true that they deal in cash. Of course from a few months ago he didn't keep the receipts or anything, and he does have the stuff he says he purchased (but he has so much of this type of stuff that I'd have no idea when he got it).

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Then this weekend I was going through mountains of paper that needs to be filed or thrown away. A lot of it is from a few months ago. I came across a piece of paper with the name Cindi and a heart. Not his writing. No phone number. He swears he has no idea who that is and says he can't remember ever seeing that before. Now, my mind is thinking Cindi <3 is some escort and the $400 withdrawals from a few months ago are him buying sex. He says I'm being ridiculous and I tell him he HAS to figure out how to prove this to me. He says he can't, but I just have to trust him.

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I'm sitting here wondering....do I trust him? Do I just trust that after the other close calls he wouldn't be so stupid again? I recently had a physical and I'm clean with no STDs. Or should I look at the weird past behavior and insist on proof (whatever form that would be in, I have no idea)?

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tldr: I don't know if my husband's past behavior that was suspicious is now clouding my judgement and making me paranoid about things that aren't really glaring red flags. Help.

Submitted November 24, 2019 at 11:33PM

Married 8 years. Right after we got married (ie on our honeymoon) I used his phone one morning and saw a dating app. I was shocked and downloaded it on my own phone and found his profile. It was very incomplete but his picture was there. I confronted him and he said it was stupid, he made a profile one night a year prior when we had a big argument but he never used it and forgot about it. And then he deleted it in front of me. Ok, moving on.​4 years ago I noticed a piece of paper in his jeans while doing laundry. It had a woman's name on it with a number to text. I asked him about that one. He said he's never contacted her but one night when he was at a strip club for a buddy's bachelor party, this stripper slipped him her number and said she'd be available for an "arrangement". He says he just never threw the paper away. I wasn't sure about that.....he does always tip very very well (everywhere with everyone) so I thought maybe she thought she could get more cash out of him? No idea. I was feeling suspicious so I contacted her via text. I told her I was his wife and asked if they had met up. She told me she felt her privacy was invaded by me contacting her and to speak to my husband. She didn't admit or deny either way. He swore on our children's life that he never met up with her or had any kind of arrangement.​Fast forward to last year...I turned on his laptop because mine wasn't working. The first page that it pulled up was a page for escorts. He said he's never in his life met up with an escort but that he looked them up when he wanted to masturbate because porn was getting boring. The thrill of knowing he COULD call up a real escort and pay for sex was more exciting (to masturbate to).​That brings us to now. A few months ago, when doing taxes I noticed suspicious amounts withdrawn from his personal account. It was $400 here. $400 there. He just doesn't historically use money in this way....if he's going to the trouble of going to the ATM he will take the full daily amount out....always. He never takes out amounts like that. I asked him what it was for and he first couldn't remember. Then he remembered it was for some items that he bought from a liquidator. The liquidator closed just after these purchases (and they were very fly-by-night anyway), so it's not like I could even find out from them. And it's true that they deal in cash. Of course from a few months ago he didn't keep the receipts or anything, and he does have the stuff he says he purchased (but he has so much of this type of stuff that I'd have no idea when he got it).​Then this weekend I was going through mountains of paper that needs to be filed or thrown away. A lot of it is from a few months ago. I came across a piece of paper with the name Cindi and a heart. Not his writing. No phone number. He swears he has no idea who that is and says he can't remember ever seeing that before. Now, my mind is thinking Cindi <3 is some escort and the $400 withdrawals from a few months ago are him buying sex. He says I'm being ridiculous and I tell him he HAS to figure out how to prove this to me. He says he can't, but I just have to trust him.​I'm sitting here wondering....do I trust him? Do I just trust that after the other close calls he wouldn't be so stupid again? I recently had a physical and I'm clean with no STDs. Or should I look at the weird past behavior and insist on proof (whatever form that would be in, I have no idea)?​tldr: I don't know if my husband's past behavior that was suspicious is now clouding my judgement and making me paranoid about things that aren't really glaring red flags. Help.