How do I (19f) cope with my friend getting a boyfriend and me dealing with extreme feelings of loneliness, while still wanting to be super excited for her in this moment

My friend group is kind of strange and none of us have had a real boyfriend we’ve all hooked up with and had things with lots of guys but each of seemed to relate in the whole actual relationship issue.

Lately I have been super suicidal and depressed and essentially just in the worst place of my life ( I have borderline personality disorder and ptsd) and I’m just terrified 24/7 but I’m working on it and am starting therapy. But i feel awful because my friend is essentially having things get so bright for her. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want her to be unhappy at all, my post is about how I can internally deal with myself. Externally I have supported and expressed my enthusiasm for her I would never tell her it makes me feel this way because it’s unfair and just not rational.

I guess what I’m asking is how do I not let my interal mental illness and like suicidal drives to not be effected by this news. At first I was a little okay but like now a million horrible things are racing through my head. Like is she prettier than me? Is it because I’m horrible? Am I just cursed not worthy or allowed to actually be in a relationship. These are all ridiculous but it’s like I can’t stop thinking them. I love my bestfriend I think she’s a wonderful girl and absolutely deserves this everyone does. But it’s like I can’t shake the thought of thinking about what this specifically says about me and it’s causing me severe mental stress. And then I start thinking about how she probably won’t want to hang out with me which is understandable because everyone ignores their friends when they start dating but it just stresses me because I’m already so lonely and spend so much time alone .

Has anyone dealt with this does anyone have personal experience with this. I already feel like a horrible person and now a terrible friend. I appreciate all advice and I just want to assure once again I’m not saying this to seem rude to my bestfriend I wish I didn’t feel like this but I do internally and I want to fix this. I know this sounds childish and I understand it is I don’t know why I feel this way

TL;dr bestfriend got a boyfriend and it’s impacting my feelings of loneliness and worthlessness and it’s like I can’t turn these emotions off how can I stop this.



Submitted November 24, 2019 at 11:10PM

My friend group is kind of strange and none of us have had a real boyfriend we’ve all hooked up with and had things with lots of guys but each of seemed to relate in the whole actual relationship issue.Lately I have been super suicidal and depressed and essentially just in the worst place of my life ( I have borderline personality disorder and ptsd) and I’m just terrified 24/7 but I’m working on it and am starting therapy. But i feel awful because my friend is essentially having things get so bright for her. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want her to be unhappy at all, my post is about how I can internally deal with myself. Externally I have supported and expressed my enthusiasm for her I would never tell her it makes me feel this way because it’s unfair and just not rational.I guess what I’m asking is how do I not let my interal mental illness and like suicidal drives to not be effected by this news. At first I was a little okay but like now a million horrible things are racing through my head. Like is she prettier than me? Is it because I’m horrible? Am I just cursed not worthy or allowed to actually be in a relationship. These are all ridiculous but it’s like I can’t stop thinking them. I love my bestfriend I think she’s a wonderful girl and absolutely deserves this everyone does. But it’s like I can’t shake the thought of thinking about what this specifically says about me and it’s causing me severe mental stress. And then I start thinking about how she probably won’t want to hang out with me which is understandable because everyone ignores their friends when they start dating but it just stresses me because I’m already so lonely and spend so much time alone .Has anyone dealt with this does anyone have personal experience with this. I already feel like a horrible person and now a terrible friend. I appreciate all advice and I just want to assure once again I’m not saying this to seem rude to my bestfriend I wish I didn’t feel like this but I do internally and I want to fix this. I know this sounds childish and I understand it is I don’t know why I feel this wayTL;dr bestfriend got a boyfriend and it’s impacting my feelings of loneliness and worthlessness and it’s like I can’t turn these emotions off how can I stop this.
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