How do I get in a relationship?

Tldr: 21 male never been in relationship. Wondering how to meet people/ show that I want a relationship. More importantly how can it come organically.

Hi, I’m a 21 y o male and I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve hooked up a lot but have never actually had anything substantial.

It’s not a matter of looks either. Not to be a dick but I feel like it’s relevant to mention that I’m good looking, blue eyes, fit, maybe a little on the shorter side but average height and consistently rated around a 9. I’m often told I’m “very attractive”. But I don’t think looks are important at all. I tend to be much more attracted to people emotionally it just tends to matter to other people so I thought I’d say it.

The longest “relationship” I’ve had was a month and I thought she was very pretty and didn’t care what she looked like but objectively I guess she wasn’t super attractive. After a couple of weeks she got really insecure and thought I was going to cheat or something. I really really liked her but Eventually I had to end it bc she didn’t trust me at all. That was the closest thing I’ve had to a relationship which is really fucking pathetic.

I didn’t do anything to make me untrustworthy either. It’s happened with others to and it honestly really hurts me to not feel trusted by people. I’ve also dated some extremely attractive girls who weren’t so jealous but it was honestly only for hookups and they didn’t have much of a personality.

I also find it very hard to meet people. Im diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. So even though I often look impassive I’m usually terrified when someone flirts with me unless I’m very drunk. I see a therapist and take meds but i still find it really hard to put myself out there. If I knew a way to do it I could try to force myself to but I don’t even know how to meet people in a romantic way/ where to go.

at this point I’m even willing to date other guys.I prefer girls sexually but tbh I’ve hooked up with guys and it’s not bad and I care much more about emotional connection and intimacy anyways which I know I could get with them . I grew up in a very liberal large city and was raised to be very sexually open and to “fuck whoever whenever” (direct quote from my father when I was in high school). I’ve just been sexual with whoever Ive liked (which is mostly girls but the occasional dude) . No one I associate with is homophobic and most are just as sexually open/ fluid as I am.

I say that because I’m often hit on my gay guys and I’ve been closed off in the past but I think I should be more receptive because it seems much less nerve wrecking than having to approach girls myself. And I’ve had a couple of intense crushes on guys before even if it’s quite rare.

Another thing is : when someone shows more interest in me than I feel for them I feel very inauthentic and lose all feelings I have. When I feel even a hint of neediness I lose all interest. (Which I understand is hypocritical since based on this post I’m also secretly needy. )

people often act fake and over embellish themselves which is a huge turn off for me.

I’ve tried tinder, got many matches, went on some dates but I felt nothing for any of them. I pretty much ended up using it for hookups and then I deleted it . There was never a spark for me bc it wasn’t organic.

I guess authenticity is a really really big deal to me. Like more than anything I want an honest genuine person who I can be intimate with.

But everyone is so shallow and acts like I’m this macho dude who’s a player and I’m just not. Like I guess I sometimes sleep around but if I even thought for a second they wanted something more and I felt the same way I would put all my attention on them.

I just want that thing where you meet someone and everything falls into place. Maybe I’ve watched too many romantic sitcoms where this happens, idk. I really don’t broadcast that part of myself because I find it embarrassing and my friends would rip me apart for it, but it’s true.

Any suggestions on how I meet someone ? I go to a university and have little time for clubs and am also graduating this year. You can’t talk in lectures either. I’ve got a good group of friends but I wouldn’t date any of them. I just want to know what to do or where to go. I’m so frustrated I feel so lonely all the time. How do I get genuine connection? How can I be more receptive to other people?

(Sorry for how long this is I just wanted to provide as much info as possible since I’m looking for some good advice.

Submitted November 24, 2019 at 11:45PM

Tldr: 21 male never been in relationship. Wondering how to meet people/ show that I want a relationship. More importantly how can it come organically.Hi, I’m a 21 y o male and I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve hooked up a lot but have never actually had anything substantial.It’s not a matter of looks either. Not to be a dick but I feel like it’s relevant to mention that I’m good looking, blue eyes, fit, maybe a little on the shorter side but average height and consistently rated around a 9. I’m often told I’m “very attractive”. But I don’t think looks are important at all. I tend to be much more attracted to people emotionally it just tends to matter to other people so I thought I’d say it.The longest “relationship” I’ve had was a month and I thought she was very pretty and didn’t care what she looked like but objectively I guess she wasn’t super attractive. After a couple of weeks she got really insecure and thought I was going to cheat or something. I really really liked her but Eventually I had to end it bc she didn’t trust me at all. That was the closest thing I’ve had to a relationship which is really fucking pathetic.I didn’t do anything to make me untrustworthy either. It’s happened with others to and it honestly really hurts me to not feel trusted by people. I’ve also dated some extremely attractive girls who weren’t so jealous but it was honestly only for hookups and they didn’t have much of a personality.I also find it very hard to meet people. Im diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. So even though I often look impassive I’m usually terrified when someone flirts with me unless I’m very drunk. I see a therapist and take meds but i still find it really hard to put myself out there. If I knew a way to do it I could try to force myself to but I don’t even know how to meet people in a romantic way/ where to go.at this point I’m even willing to date other guys.I prefer girls sexually but tbh I’ve hooked up with guys and it’s not bad and I care much more about emotional connection and intimacy anyways which I know I could get with them . I grew up in a very liberal large city and was raised to be very sexually open and to “fuck whoever whenever” (direct quote from my father when I was in high school). I’ve just been sexual with whoever Ive liked (which is mostly girls but the occasional dude) . No one I associate with is homophobic and most are just as sexually open/ fluid as I am.I say that because I’m often hit on my gay guys and I’ve been closed off in the past but I think I should be more receptive because it seems much less nerve wrecking than having to approach girls myself. And I’ve had a couple of intense crushes on guys before even if it’s quite rare.Another thing is : when someone shows more interest in me than I feel for them I feel very inauthentic and lose all feelings I have. When I feel even a hint of neediness I lose all interest. (Which I understand is hypocritical since based on this post I’m also secretly needy. )people often act fake and over embellish themselves which is a huge turn off for me.I’ve tried tinder, got many matches, went on some dates but I felt nothing for any of them. I pretty much ended up using it for hookups and then I deleted it . There was never a spark for me bc it wasn’t organic.I guess authenticity is a really really big deal to me. Like more than anything I want an honest genuine person who I can be intimate with.But everyone is so shallow and acts like I’m this macho dude who’s a player and I’m just not. Like I guess I sometimes sleep around but if I even thought for a second they wanted something more and I felt the same way I would put all my attention on them.I just want that thing where you meet someone and everything falls into place. Maybe I’ve watched too many romantic sitcoms where this happens, idk. I really don’t broadcast that part of myself because I find it embarrassing and my friends would rip me apart for it, but it’s true.Any suggestions on how I meet someone ? I go to a university and have little time for clubs and am also graduating this year. You can’t talk in lectures either. I’ve got a good group of friends but I wouldn’t date any of them. I just want to know what to do or where to go. I’m so frustrated I feel so lonely all the time. How do I get genuine connection? How can I be more receptive to other people?(Sorry for how long this is I just wanted to provide as much info as possible since I’m looking for some good advice.