My (F37) husband's (M43) friend (M30) is worried about him, and is forcing a visit.

TL;DR at the bottom.

My (F37) husband (M43) and I have been going through a rough patch this past few years, with multiple traumatic events, including my mother's untimely death last year.

During this time, my husband and I have gone through a lot, and we were each other's main support system. He quit his nerve-wracking job a year ago, and withdrew socially by choice, because he was feeling depressed. I have been supporting us, and he is slowly getting better as time passes, he has started enjoying doing things again now, and he is super sweet with me, so things are still difficult right now, but on the mend. We have already agreed that psychiatric support is on the table, if things stop improving.

However, one of our friends (from the group that my husband met through the stressful job that he quit) has been reaching out from time to time to both of us. My husband likes him, but doesn't want to talk to him (or anyone at all) at the moment. I also like him, and I am trying to keep the peace, asking him to be patient and that when hubby is ready, he will reach out to him.

The thing is our friend just won't stop. I appreciate that he wants to help, and I do believe he has good intentions as he is a really good guy, but he keeps pushing for a meeting. And I always have to be the one playing the role of the buffer, trying to turn him down without offending him. My husband doesn't want to talk to him, or meet him, so he's ignoring him, but I can't ignore a good person who is just reaching out...

Now this friend is threatening that he will come over unannounced to talk to hubby, however I am not comfortable with that. I recognize he means well, but due to our circumstances out studio apartment is in no state to entertain guests, nor do we feel like it at the moment.

How do I deal with this well-meaning person overstepping our boundaries, without offending them?

​

TL;DR: Husband stopped talking to some of his work friends due to feeling depressed over a series of traumatic events (which he is slowly getting over), but one of them will not stop trying to meet up with him (which my husband is adamant that he doesn't want), and I'm stuck playing buffer. Now his friend is declaring he will come by unannounced to see him, when I have clearly explained that neither of us wants him to. How do I deal with him without offending him?



Submitted September 07, 2019 at 11:45PM

TL;DR at the bottom.My (F37) husband (M43) and I have been going through a rough patch this past few years, with multiple traumatic events, including my mother's untimely death last year.During this time, my husband and I have gone through a lot, and we were each other's main support system. He quit his nerve-wracking job a year ago, and withdrew socially by choice, because he was feeling depressed. I have been supporting us, and he is slowly getting better as time passes, he has started enjoying doing things again now, and he is super sweet with me, so things are still difficult right now, but on the mend. We have already agreed that psychiatric support is on the table, if things stop improving.However, one of our friends (from the group that my husband met through the stressful job that he quit) has been reaching out from time to time to both of us. My husband likes him, but doesn't want to talk to him (or anyone at all) at the moment. I also like him, and I am trying to keep the peace, asking him to be patient and that when hubby is ready, he will reach out to him.The thing is our friend just won't stop. I appreciate that he wants to help, and I do believe he has good intentions as he is a really good guy, but he keeps pushing for a meeting. And I always have to be the one playing the role of the buffer, trying to turn him down without offending him. My husband doesn't want to talk to him, or meet him, so he's ignoring him, but I can't ignore a good person who is just reaching out...Now this friend is threatening that he will come over unannounced to talk to hubby, however I am not comfortable with that. I recognize he means well, but due to our circumstances out studio apartment is in no state to entertain guests, nor do we feel like it at the moment.How do I deal with this well-meaning person overstepping our boundaries, without offending them?​TL;DR: Husband stopped talking to some of his work friends due to feeling depressed over a series of traumatic events (which he is slowly getting over), but one of them will not stop trying to meet up with him (which my husband is adamant that he doesn't want), and I'm stuck playing buffer. Now his friend is declaring he will come by unannounced to see him, when I have clearly explained that neither of us wants him to. How do I deal with him without offending him?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more