My (F37) husband's (M43) friend (M30) is worried about him, and is forcing a visit.

TL;DR at the bottom.

My (F37) husband (M43) and I have been going through a rough patch this past few years, with multiple traumatic events, including my mother's untimely death last year.

During this time, my husband and I have gone through a lot, and we were each other's main support system. He quit his nerve-wracking job a year ago, and withdrew socially by choice, because he was feeling depressed. I have been supporting us, and he is slowly getting better as time passes, he has started enjoying doing things again now, and he is super sweet with me, so things are still difficult right now, but on the mend. We have already agreed that psychiatric support is on the table, if things stop improving.

However, one of our friends (from the group that my husband met through the stressful job that he quit) has been reaching out from time to time to both of us. My husband likes him, but doesn't want to talk to him (or anyone at all) at the moment. I also like him, and I am trying to keep the peace, asking him to be patient and that when hubby is ready, he will reach out to him.

The thing is our friend just won't stop. I appreciate that he wants to help, and I do believe he has good intentions as he is a really good guy, but he keeps pushing for a meeting. And I always have to be the one playing the role of the buffer, trying to turn him down without offending him. My husband doesn't want to talk to him, or meet him, so he's ignoring him, but I can't ignore a good person who is just reaching out...

Now this friend is threatening that he will come over unannounced to talk to hubby, however I am not comfortable with that. I recognize he means well, but due to our circumstances out studio apartment is in no state to entertain guests, nor do we feel like it at the moment.

How do I deal with this well-meaning person overstepping our boundaries, without offending them?

​

TL;DR: Husband stopped talking to some of his work friends due to feeling depressed over a series of traumatic events (which he is slowly getting over), but one of them will not stop trying to meet up with him (which my husband is adamant that he doesn't want), and I'm stuck playing buffer. Now his friend is declaring he will come by unannounced to see him, when I have clearly explained that neither of us wants him to. How do I deal with him without offending him?



Submitted September 07, 2019 at 11:45PM

TL;DR at the bottom.My (F37) husband (M43) and I have been going through a rough patch this past few years, with multiple traumatic events, including my mother's untimely death last year.During this time, my husband and I have gone through a lot, and we were each other's main support system. He quit his nerve-wracking job a year ago, and withdrew socially by choice, because he was feeling depressed. I have been supporting us, and he is slowly getting better as time passes, he has started enjoying doing things again now, and he is super sweet with me, so things are still difficult right now, but on the mend. We have already agreed that psychiatric support is on the table, if things stop improving.However, one of our friends (from the group that my husband met through the stressful job that he quit) has been reaching out from time to time to both of us. My husband likes him, but doesn't want to talk to him (or anyone at all) at the moment. I also like him, and I am trying to keep the peace, asking him to be patient and that when hubby is ready, he will reach out to him.The thing is our friend just won't stop. I appreciate that he wants to help, and I do believe he has good intentions as he is a really good guy, but he keeps pushing for a meeting. And I always have to be the one playing the role of the buffer, trying to turn him down without offending him. My husband doesn't want to talk to him, or meet him, so he's ignoring him, but I can't ignore a good person who is just reaching out...Now this friend is threatening that he will come over unannounced to talk to hubby, however I am not comfortable with that. I recognize he means well, but due to our circumstances out studio apartment is in no state to entertain guests, nor do we feel like it at the moment.How do I deal with this well-meaning person overstepping our boundaries, without offending them?​TL;DR: Husband stopped talking to some of his work friends due to feeling depressed over a series of traumatic events (which he is slowly getting over), but one of them will not stop trying to meet up with him (which my husband is adamant that he doesn't want), and I'm stuck playing buffer. Now his friend is declaring he will come by unannounced to see him, when I have clearly explained that neither of us wants him to. How do I deal with him without offending him?
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