I [19/M] recently found out my partner ([9/F] of 4 years is not the partner I actually want to be with, how do I tell her?

I just want to point out my partner is not 9 she's 19 it was a very bad typo, I'm not a pedophile.

So it's been nearly 4 years with my partner, let's call her Sophie. Sophie has been a huge part of my life, and obviously since we have nearly been together for 4 years, we did indeed meet and start our relationship in high school.

It may seem like a shallow, immature high school relationship at first but it was a very heart-felt relationship (in the sense that it wasn't just liking someone). Fast forward 4 years, we are both currently in university and are doing separate degrees, same uni, no long distance.

However, it feels one sided.

When I bring up one sided relationships, people tend to think in terms of the affection and love that one is providing to the other in the relationship but it's not for us. For us, it's more of one sided care. I'm a very independent person, I've been living alone since I was 16, worked multiple jobs and am currently working while studying full time. I make time for the ones I love and I spend money on my relationship. I just feel like she's too dependent on me to the fact that if I were to break up with her, she'd be in a mess and I'd be fine because it's less weight on my shoulders.

I don't want to be an ass and suddenly leave her, but I have had this feeling for about a couple months.

My feelings were then confirmed when I met someone [18F] who really clicked with me. Very out going person and independent. She just seemed like someone that I can go to for help when I need it most. The issue is, I know it's somewhat infatuation as I haven't had feelings like this for a while. I don't want to get carried away in that thought at the moment so I have not let the thought of her consume me. What has consumed me is the fact that I just don't want my partner relying everything on me for the rest of my life.

I've actually spoken to Sophie about this before, but her reasoning is that she feels as though she shouldn't be worried about her finances and other life essential skills right now. It just seemed like an excuse because she spends her free time playing games and hanging out with her friends.

I don't even know if I'm just being too picky or I haven't met someone that I really want to be with yet. I thought Sophie was the one, she was there when everything went downhill and helped bring me back up. I just don't know what to do with her if I've basically fallen out of love and found someone else that attracts me.

TL;DR: I don't feel like being with my partner of 4 years because she's too dependent on me but I don't want to be that guy who just leaves because he just doesn't feel like being in the relationship anymore.



Submitted September 08, 2019 at 12:14AM

I just want to point out my partner is not 9 she's 19 it was a very bad typo, I'm not a pedophile.So it's been nearly 4 years with my partner, let's call her Sophie. Sophie has been a huge part of my life, and obviously since we have nearly been together for 4 years, we did indeed meet and start our relationship in high school.It may seem like a shallow, immature high school relationship at first but it was a very heart-felt relationship (in the sense that it wasn't just liking someone). Fast forward 4 years, we are both currently in university and are doing separate degrees, same uni, no long distance.However, it feels one sided.When I bring up one sided relationships, people tend to think in terms of the affection and love that one is providing to the other in the relationship but it's not for us. For us, it's more of one sided care. I'm a very independent person, I've been living alone since I was 16, worked multiple jobs and am currently working while studying full time. I make time for the ones I love and I spend money on my relationship. I just feel like she's too dependent on me to the fact that if I were to break up with her, she'd be in a mess and I'd be fine because it's less weight on my shoulders.I don't want to be an ass and suddenly leave her, but I have had this feeling for about a couple months.My feelings were then confirmed when I met someone [18F] who really clicked with me. Very out going person and independent. She just seemed like someone that I can go to for help when I need it most. The issue is, I know it's somewhat infatuation as I haven't had feelings like this for a while. I don't want to get carried away in that thought at the moment so I have not let the thought of her consume me. What has consumed me is the fact that I just don't want my partner relying everything on me for the rest of my life.I've actually spoken to Sophie about this before, but her reasoning is that she feels as though she shouldn't be worried about her finances and other life essential skills right now. It just seemed like an excuse because she spends her free time playing games and hanging out with her friends.I don't even know if I'm just being too picky or I haven't met someone that I really want to be with yet. I thought Sophie was the one, she was there when everything went downhill and helped bring me back up. I just don't know what to do with her if I've basically fallen out of love and found someone else that attracts me.TL;DR: I don't feel like being with my partner of 4 years because she's too dependent on me but I don't want to be that guy who just leaves because he just doesn't feel like being in the relationship anymore.
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