Months later I [30m] still want to get back together with my ex [30f]...

Posting this online since I just wanted a broader opinion than I get from friends/family.

I was with my ex for about 6 months. I liked her personality, we had similar values, i found her attractive, and the physical part of the relationship was good. Both of us were going through a stressful period in our lives while we were together. She was starting a new job in a new city and I had a lot of pressure to succeed from work.

I've always handled things myself when I am under stress - I don't like to put it on others. I need my alone time though to recharge. I suffer from chronic dysthymia and anxiety, but its genetic and I deal with it pretty well - it doesn't really affect my functioning. I usually exercise, hang out with other people, or play video games to destress and keep my mental health good. I also started proper medical treatment recently so under even better control. She on the other hand was new to the city and didn't have much support, so she leaned heavily on me emotionally and in other aspects. I understood this and tried my best to support her, but eventually it became very draining and I was exhausted from doing this all the time. She suffered from a lot of anxiety herself as well. I felt like she didn't try to understand my feelings or needs during this period so I didn't feel like things would work in the long-run, so I ended things. I wanted to support her, but I felt like not getting sufficient alone time to destress along with a partner who doesn't think about my feelings was not sustainable.

I brought up this issue to her multiple times. I told her that I don't need much, just once in a while show me a gesture that shows that you care and that you can put in some effort in a way that I appreciate. I told her for example, rather than me taking us out all the time and planning activities, why don't you just plan a dinner in or something where I don't have to put in effort. I want to feel cared for in a relationship. However it was too little too late - I think I started growing resentful and I didn't feel like this was something I should have to explain. Also I realized that I was holding onto the relationship with the thought that she would change/get better in this aspect in the future, and I felt like I should not stay in a relationship expecting the other person to change. I made sure she had plenty of support when I ended things though because I didn't want her life to be negatively affected. I also had random worries - like if both of us are prone to anxiety would that mean that our potential kids would have a lot of issues in that dept? I dunno

Obviously, I'm telling this from my perspective and I'm sure I lacked in many areas as well. I'm not the best communicator - its hard for me to say honestly what's in my heart. Eventually it comes out though. It's a problem I'm working on, but I know it is one of my weaknesses. I do tend to think a lot and make a lot of conclusions from small things, but a lot of the time it is correct. I can say honestly though that I do really care for others, probably too much, and the whole time I was thinking of how to make her happier and how to make her life better at the detriment of my own. I do feel like both of our lives got better as a result of the relationship overall.

It was really hard because I had pretty strong feelings for her and was pretty attached, but we talked and it ended. My heart didn't want to but my brain was telling me I should.

We have been broken up a couple of months now and I'm still stuck on her. I want to give it another shot, but I don't want to hurt her or myself with another breakup. I haven't dated a ton and a lot of friends tell me I need to date more before jumping back in too. I haven't wanted to date at all since the breakup because to be honest I was still attached/in love with her. Now I guess I could, but the thought of dating someone else still doesn't feel appealing and feels sort of wrong for whatever reason I guess.

I guess my question is what should I do?

tl;dr: I was with my ex for some months, some things were good, some important stuff wasn't good, not sure if we should give it another shot.

Submitted September 07, 2019 at 11:55PM

Posting this online since I just wanted a broader opinion than I get from friends/family.I was with my ex for about 6 months. I liked her personality, we had similar values, i found her attractive, and the physical part of the relationship was good. Both of us were going through a stressful period in our lives while we were together. She was starting a new job in a new city and I had a lot of pressure to succeed from work.I've always handled things myself when I am under stress - I don't like to put it on others. I need my alone time though to recharge. I suffer from chronic dysthymia and anxiety, but its genetic and I deal with it pretty well - it doesn't really affect my functioning. I usually exercise, hang out with other people, or play video games to destress and keep my mental health good. I also started proper medical treatment recently so under even better control. She on the other hand was new to the city and didn't have much support, so she leaned heavily on me emotionally and in other aspects. I understood this and tried my best to support her, but eventually it became very draining and I was exhausted from doing this all the time. She suffered from a lot of anxiety herself as well. I felt like she didn't try to understand my feelings or needs during this period so I didn't feel like things would work in the long-run, so I ended things. I wanted to support her, but I felt like not getting sufficient alone time to destress along with a partner who doesn't think about my feelings was not sustainable.I brought up this issue to her multiple times. I told her that I don't need much, just once in a while show me a gesture that shows that you care and that you can put in some effort in a way that I appreciate. I told her for example, rather than me taking us out all the time and planning activities, why don't you just plan a dinner in or something where I don't have to put in effort. I want to feel cared for in a relationship. However it was too little too late - I think I started growing resentful and I didn't feel like this was something I should have to explain. Also I realized that I was holding onto the relationship with the thought that she would change/get better in this aspect in the future, and I felt like I should not stay in a relationship expecting the other person to change. I made sure she had plenty of support when I ended things though because I didn't want her life to be negatively affected. I also had random worries - like if both of us are prone to anxiety would that mean that our potential kids would have a lot of issues in that dept? I dunnoObviously, I'm telling this from my perspective and I'm sure I lacked in many areas as well. I'm not the best communicator - its hard for me to say honestly what's in my heart. Eventually it comes out though. It's a problem I'm working on, but I know it is one of my weaknesses. I do tend to think a lot and make a lot of conclusions from small things, but a lot of the time it is correct. I can say honestly though that I do really care for others, probably too much, and the whole time I was thinking of how to make her happier and how to make her life better at the detriment of my own. I do feel like both of our lives got better as a result of the relationship overall.It was really hard because I had pretty strong feelings for her and was pretty attached, but we talked and it ended. My heart didn't want to but my brain was telling me I should.We have been broken up a couple of months now and I'm still stuck on her. I want to give it another shot, but I don't want to hurt her or myself with another breakup. I haven't dated a ton and a lot of friends tell me I need to date more before jumping back in too. I haven't wanted to date at all since the breakup because to be honest I was still attached/in love with her. Now I guess I could, but the thought of dating someone else still doesn't feel appealing and feels sort of wrong for whatever reason I guess.I guess my question is what should I do?tl;dr: I was with my ex for some months, some things were good, some important stuff wasn't good, not sure if we should give it another shot.