My [22F] boyfriend [23M] of one month is being distant and keeps talking to his ex...something

I really want to preface this and say that I really really really like him. I've never found someone that I was sexually, mentally, and emotionally attracted to, and hes the first. I want this to work out.

We've officially been together for over a month now. And the problem started about 2 weeks ago. We were both having a really shit week and he started being distant during this time. I have depression and anxiety, and one night it got really bad - I was suicidal.

I've only ever been able to speak to two people about this in my entire life. One being my ex boyfriend & the other being my therapist. It took me nearly 2 years to tell my ex-boyfriend how I was truly feeling, so its a big thing to tell someone. My ex and I broke up at the beginning of the year, and during this time, we hadn't spoken to each other in a month. But I was feeling horrible and contacted him that night. I asked if I could come over and so I can talk to him about my feelings. I didn't want to speak to my boyfriend because (1) he was being extremely distant this week, so I felt like going to him about this problem would make me feel manipulative because he'll be forced to comfort me (2) I wasn't ready, point-blank.

As soon as I left my ex's house, I told my boyfriend that I had visited him. My boyfriend was, understandably, upset. Mostly because he didn't understand why I would go to my ex's house to be comforted,and not him. Another thing is that he was upset that I had not spoken to my ex in over a month - which makes it worse for him.

The week ensuing was hell. He wanted space because work and everything in his life were stressful. So I gave him space to think. We tried talking it out - several times. He kept on saying that this is something that he will get over, but it will take time and he wants to do it himself. This would be fine, but nothing has been normal since then. We barely talk to each other, and we might be lucky to see each other once a week. He's currently on vacation in another country, and we have spoken...less than 3 times in the days hes been away. The thing that kills me is that he is constantly talking to his ex...something. They were never officially together (let alone kissed), but he and her message with each other every day. I was absolutely fine with them talking before, but now that he and I are barely speaking this is hurting me a lot. This is the first time I've ever felt insecure in a relationship.

My friends say that it's best if I pretend everything is fine, and keep going along with it. This is obviously how he copes with being hurt - being distant and working through his feelings alone. But I'm still freaking out - I'm not getting any closure, and this fight is still dragging on. I last saw him the day before he left for his vacation and he said we were fine. But nothing has gone back to normal. This is a complete 180 from the first few months of me knowing him. I was getting constant affection & affirmations from him. I felt so loved and secure. Now I'm getting none of that.

Would like any advice on perhaps his perspective, or next steps.

TL;DR My boyfriend is upset that I went to my ex's house for comfort one night when I was suicidal. He and I have tried patching things up, and according to my boyfriend everything is fine. But he is still acting super distant, and we are barely speaking. However, he is speaking to his ex...something daily. This is hurting me, because I feel like he no longer likes me & would prefer to speak to her than me.

Submitted September 07, 2019 at 12:04AM

I really want to preface this and say that I really really really like him. I've never found someone that I was sexually, mentally, and emotionally attracted to, and hes the first. I want this to work out.We've officially been together for over a month now. And the problem started about 2 weeks ago. We were both having a really shit week and he started being distant during this time. I have depression and anxiety, and one night it got really bad - I was suicidal.I've only ever been able to speak to two people about this in my entire life. One being my ex boyfriend & the other being my therapist. It took me nearly 2 years to tell my ex-boyfriend how I was truly feeling, so its a big thing to tell someone. My ex and I broke up at the beginning of the year, and during this time, we hadn't spoken to each other in a month. But I was feeling horrible and contacted him that night. I asked if I could come over and so I can talk to him about my feelings. I didn't want to speak to my boyfriend because (1) he was being extremely distant this week, so I felt like going to him about this problem would make me feel manipulative because he'll be forced to comfort me (2) I wasn't ready, point-blank.As soon as I left my ex's house, I told my boyfriend that I had visited him. My boyfriend was, understandably, upset. Mostly because he didn't understand why I would go to my ex's house to be comforted,and not him. Another thing is that he was upset that I had not spoken to my ex in over a month - which makes it worse for him.The week ensuing was hell. He wanted space because work and everything in his life were stressful. So I gave him space to think. We tried talking it out - several times. He kept on saying that this is something that he will get over, but it will take time and he wants to do it himself. This would be fine, but nothing has been normal since then. We barely talk to each other, and we might be lucky to see each other once a week. He's currently on vacation in another country, and we have spoken...less than 3 times in the days hes been away. The thing that kills me is that he is constantly talking to his ex...something. They were never officially together (let alone kissed), but he and her message with each other every day. I was absolutely fine with them talking before, but now that he and I are barely speaking this is hurting me a lot. This is the first time I've ever felt insecure in a relationship.My friends say that it's best if I pretend everything is fine, and keep going along with it. This is obviously how he copes with being hurt - being distant and working through his feelings alone. But I'm still freaking out - I'm not getting any closure, and this fight is still dragging on. I last saw him the day before he left for his vacation and he said we were fine. But nothing has gone back to normal. This is a complete 180 from the first few months of me knowing him. I was getting constant affection & affirmations from him. I felt so loved and secure. Now I'm getting none of that.Would like any advice on perhaps his perspective, or next steps.TL;DR My boyfriend is upset that I went to my ex's house for comfort one night when I was suicidal. He and I have tried patching things up, and according to my boyfriend everything is fine. But he is still acting super distant, and we are barely speaking. However, he is speaking to his ex...something daily. This is hurting me, because I feel like he no longer likes me & would prefer to speak to her than me.