how [21/M] to solve communication problems with GF [18/F]?

(TL;DR: Women talk to get things off their chest. Men talk to solve problems and get information. If you can't provide that support and I have to parse and filter information just to avoid the risk of you freaking out and making my situation bigger than what I'm actually dealing with, I'm talking less. )

with all that said, to keep it short as possible. our relationship is pretty strong for the most part. this is the only recurring problem besides money whenever it's an issue, but that's everybody so whatever.

anyway, i'm Tired of arguing with my girlfriend for like, 6 hrs going over the same 3 topics that end devolving into arguments about why were arguing (and nothing about the original topic). She never wants to admit she's wrong about ANYTHING because she feels that, because she's hurt about a situation, anything she does or says by that point is 100% justified.

I'm tired of rehashing every situation we've gone through in the past because she needs to be constantly validated that she's pretty/important/whatever. and needing those things is normal and i give it to her as much as i can. but she needs it WAY more than the average person, it feels like.

She always says she wants to work on improving our communication so she "has" to ask me 21 questions about most things, but then when I explain whatever she says she doesn't understand about what i say/did, she usually refuses to accept the answer I give her because she says it doesn't make sense/doesn't satisfy whatever emotional need she wants support for at that moment.

i'm a very private/introverted person compared to her especially when it comes to expressing myself. ultimately, because of how sensitive she is and how she over analyzes me/my reactions or lack of reactions, i prefer to not overshare details about anything that isn't absolutely necessary. sometimes i should more and there were serious things i should have explained further, i apologized for it, patched it up and i THOUGHT we moved on.

no, we never move on. because from that point, she has to constantly rehash the situations in an attempt to "help me understand how she felt" about it, which could be weeks or even MONTHS after.

it's so counter productive to demand all this constant validation and opinions from me then not be able to handle it when i do, and then blame me for how you're reacting.

what do we do? where do we go from here?

Submitted September 06, 2019 at 11:53PM

(TL;DR: Women talk to get things off their chest. Men talk to solve problems and get information. If you can't provide that support and I have to parse and filter information just to avoid the risk of you freaking out and making my situation bigger than what I'm actually dealing with, I'm talking less. )with all that said, to keep it short as possible. our relationship is pretty strong for the most part. this is the only recurring problem besides money whenever it's an issue, but that's everybody so whatever.anyway, i'm Tired of arguing with my girlfriend for like, 6 hrs going over the same 3 topics that end devolving into arguments about why were arguing (and nothing about the original topic). She never wants to admit she's wrong about ANYTHING because she feels that, because she's hurt about a situation, anything she does or says by that point is 100% justified.I'm tired of rehashing every situation we've gone through in the past because she needs to be constantly validated that she's pretty/important/whatever. and needing those things is normal and i give it to her as much as i can. but she needs it WAY more than the average person, it feels like.She always says she wants to work on improving our communication so she "has" to ask me 21 questions about most things, but then when I explain whatever she says she doesn't understand about what i say/did, she usually refuses to accept the answer I give her because she says it doesn't make sense/doesn't satisfy whatever emotional need she wants support for at that moment.i'm a very private/introverted person compared to her especially when it comes to expressing myself. ultimately, because of how sensitive she is and how she over analyzes me/my reactions or lack of reactions, i prefer to not overshare details about anything that isn't absolutely necessary. sometimes i should more and there were serious things i should have explained further, i apologized for it, patched it up and i THOUGHT we moved on.no, we never move on. because from that point, she has to constantly rehash the situations in an attempt to "help me understand how she felt" about it, which could be weeks or even MONTHS after.it's so counter productive to demand all this constant validation and opinions from me then not be able to handle it when i do, and then blame me for how you're reacting.what do we do? where do we go from here?