Why do I keep pushing away really amazing potential partners?

To preface this, I (22F) am fairly inexperienced when it comes to dating. I have now only actually dated two men in my entire life both were pretty short lived because of uncertainty on my end. Both of these guys were people who I shared similar values and interests with, had good chemistry with, was attracted to and could see myself building a life with. I’m the kind of person who’s all or nothing. I don’t have any interest in casual flings and I take intimate relationships quite seriously. With both of these relationships, early on I started doubting whether or not I really wanted to be in a relationship with them despite everything seeming to match up on the surface. I couldn’t explain why I felt this way with either of them but in the end it caused me extreme anxiety which eventually caused me to end the relationship because I couldn’t handle the anxiety it was causing me. In both of these relationships the guys expressed pretty strong feelings for me early in the relationship which felt good but also scared me because I never felt like I could match their feelings. I liked spending time with them a lot but I could never relax into the relationship because I was constantly doubting myself and in the end I always felt like I was forcing something that wasn’t there. Why does this keep happening to me when everything on the surface seems like its exactly what I want? Why do I keep pushing away people who are clearly into me and could easily make me happy? I’ve often felt that it could be because i’m introverted and extremely independent and relationships kind of seem like a threat to my comfortable single life. But I really do want to be in a relationship and get over my self centered lifestyle. I just feel so frustrated. I want to meet someone and just know that I like them and want to be with them. Why does that seem to be impossible for me? Has anyone else ever experienced this? I really feel like its just me.

Submitted April 23, 2019 at 01:27AM

To preface this, I (22F) am fairly inexperienced when it comes to dating. I have now only actually dated two men in my entire life both were pretty short lived because of uncertainty on my end. Both of these guys were people who I shared similar values and interests with, had good chemistry with, was attracted to and could see myself building a life with. I’m the kind of person who’s all or nothing. I don’t have any interest in casual flings and I take intimate relationships quite seriously. With both of these relationships, early on I started doubting whether or not I really wanted to be in a relationship with them despite everything seeming to match up on the surface. I couldn’t explain why I felt this way with either of them but in the end it caused me extreme anxiety which eventually caused me to end the relationship because I couldn’t handle the anxiety it was causing me. In both of these relationships the guys expressed pretty strong feelings for me early in the relationship which felt good but also scared me because I never felt like I could match their feelings. I liked spending time with them a lot but I could never relax into the relationship because I was constantly doubting myself and in the end I always felt like I was forcing something that wasn’t there. Why does this keep happening to me when everything on the surface seems like its exactly what I want? Why do I keep pushing away people who are clearly into me and could easily make me happy? I’ve often felt that it could be because i’m introverted and extremely independent and relationships kind of seem like a threat to my comfortable single life. But I really do want to be in a relationship and get over my self centered lifestyle. I just feel so frustrated. I want to meet someone and just know that I like them and want to be with them. Why does that seem to be impossible for me? Has anyone else ever experienced this? I really feel like its just me.