My girlfriend [26] has deep feelings for someone else but has not told me [M33]

Reposting because the previous post got deleted for not including our ages.

Hi everyone,

I've recently found myself in a tricky situation and need some advice.

Me and my partner have been together for six years now, and have gone through a lot together. During the past 4 years or so, we have been travelling a lot to a city in Europe that we both regard as almost like our second home.

Now, there is a guy who's a regular at the bars and events we often go to. Until our most recent trip last weekend, neither of us had talked to him, but let's just say he's quite a stand-out character and we have often jokingly made comments about him always hanging out at the same places. He has always been flirting with my girlfriend from afar – but we have simply regarded is as something funny.

So: fast forward to last weekend. It's Friday night. We were just leaving a club when this guy appears and has a short conversation with my girlfriend for the first time. On Saturday, I go clubbing with a friend of mine and my girlfriend decides to go to a different club because she has a flu and does not want to wait for hours in the notoriously long line outside in the cold. On Sunday, me and my friend go back to the club we went to on Saturday. My girlfriend again decides to stay at home, because she has now lost her voice due to the flu and being out late yesterday.

On Monday morning, she has accidentally left her Facebook open on my computer and I catch a glimpse of two conversations: one with the guy and another one with a good friend of hers. I am not the kind of person who secretly reads his partner's messages, but somehow the tone in both of those made me feel super uneasy and I couldn't help myself.

The conversation my girlfriend had had with the guy included them talking about "that sweet dance" they had together last night. The guy told my GF it "felt like he was dreaming", and how great it was to "have a taste of the forbidden fruit" (no, really). My girlfriend had responded to him with how she can't stop thinking about it either, how nice it was and how irresistible the guy is.

The conversation my GF had had with her friend included my girlfriend confessing that she has never felt so physically attracted to anyone, that she can't stop thinking about him, and that she had in fact gone out again on Sunday just because she was hoping he would be at the bar again. She also told her that she just "wants to have him" and is "afraid that she might do something impulsive" but also that she has decided "not to feel guilty about that dance at all".

Me and my girlfriend are not possessive in toxic way – we have even had talks about sexually experimenting with other people together. But this has always been in the context of trying to be as honest with each other as possible, and building a strong foundation of mutual trust. The philosophy that we have had, in short, is that yes, we are in a monogamous relationship, but if we ever want to have fun with or have feelings for other people we will always first consult each other about it and always respect their feelings.

And thus, the biggest reason I feel broken about all this is not the fact that she has danced with someone else at a club. It's because of the fact that she feels so strongly for someone else, tells that to the other person as well and I would probably never have found out about it if I hadn't seen that discussion on Facebook.

I have no idea how to begin discussing this with her. For the first time in six years, I actually have thoughts of leaving the relationship. It feels like such a waste as nothing serious has really "happened" between them, but on emotional level I feel betrayed and question the trust and openness that has (in my mind) been a key foundation in our life together.

How do you think I should approach this situation?

TL;DR I found out that my girlfriend has been romantically involved with/sexually interested in someone else during our holiday trip, and feel broken because she has kept it secret despite us having promised to always be open to each other about such things.

Submitted December 18, 2019 at 12:15AM

Reposting because the previous post got deleted for not including our ages.Hi everyone,I've recently found myself in a tricky situation and need some advice.Me and my partner have been together for six years now, and have gone through a lot together. During the past 4 years or so, we have been travelling a lot to a city in Europe that we both regard as almost like our second home.Now, there is a guy who's a regular at the bars and events we often go to. Until our most recent trip last weekend, neither of us had talked to him, but let's just say he's quite a stand-out character and we have often jokingly made comments about him always hanging out at the same places. He has always been flirting with my girlfriend from afar – but we have simply regarded is as something funny.So: fast forward to last weekend. It's Friday night. We were just leaving a club when this guy appears and has a short conversation with my girlfriend for the first time. On Saturday, I go clubbing with a friend of mine and my girlfriend decides to go to a different club because she has a flu and does not want to wait for hours in the notoriously long line outside in the cold. On Sunday, me and my friend go back to the club we went to on Saturday. My girlfriend again decides to stay at home, because she has now lost her voice due to the flu and being out late yesterday.On Monday morning, she has accidentally left her Facebook open on my computer and I catch a glimpse of two conversations: one with the guy and another one with a good friend of hers. I am not the kind of person who secretly reads his partner's messages, but somehow the tone in both of those made me feel super uneasy and I couldn't help myself.The conversation my girlfriend had had with the guy included them talking about "that sweet dance" they had together last night. The guy told my GF it "felt like he was dreaming", and how great it was to "have a taste of the forbidden fruit" (no, really). My girlfriend had responded to him with how she can't stop thinking about it either, how nice it was and how irresistible the guy is.The conversation my GF had had with her friend included my girlfriend confessing that she has never felt so physically attracted to anyone, that she can't stop thinking about him, and that she had in fact gone out again on Sunday just because she was hoping he would be at the bar again. She also told her that she just "wants to have him" and is "afraid that she might do something impulsive" but also that she has decided "not to feel guilty about that dance at all".Me and my girlfriend are not possessive in toxic way – we have even had talks about sexually experimenting with other people together. But this has always been in the context of trying to be as honest with each other as possible, and building a strong foundation of mutual trust. The philosophy that we have had, in short, is that yes, we are in a monogamous relationship, but if we ever want to have fun with or have feelings for other people we will always first consult each other about it and always respect their feelings.And thus, the biggest reason I feel broken about all this is not the fact that she has danced with someone else at a club. It's because of the fact that she feels so strongly for someone else, tells that to the other person as well and I would probably never have found out about it if I hadn't seen that discussion on Facebook.I have no idea how to begin discussing this with her. For the first time in six years, I actually have thoughts of leaving the relationship. It feels like such a waste as nothing serious has really "happened" between them, but on emotional level I feel betrayed and question the trust and openness that has (in my mind) been a key foundation in our life together.How do you think I should approach this situation?TL;DR I found out that my girlfriend has been romantically involved with/sexually interested in someone else during our holiday trip, and feel broken because she has kept it secret despite us having promised to always be open to each other about such things.