I (20F) broke up with my boyfriend (20M) because I thought he wasn't treating me well, but his recent texts to me are making me change my mind.

My boyfriend and I had dated for about 2 years when I started noticing a change in him. Towards the end of the relationship, I couldn't remember the last romantic thing he had done for me. He stopped visiting me at school (I live about an hour away from our hometown during school) and we would only see each other when I would come home every couple of weekends. He wasn't interested in going on dates (even if I planned them) or really doing anything other than sitting in his basement together and watching TV/smoking weed. I felt like no effort was being put in on his side and I suffered from constant anxiety to the point where I took it out on him. I would ask him a million times if something was wrong, and every time he would say no, you're being crazy. He had gotten progressively more distant to the point where I invited him up to a weekend at my school and he just... didn't show up, after saying that he would come.

It was a really difficult decision to leave considering our past. The beginning of our relationship was perfect, he was so sweet and caring and made a lot of promises for the future that were hard to let go of. But I thought I knew that he was over the relationship. When I asked him if he felt differently, he denied it at first, and after me crying my eyes out begging him to tell me the truth he admitted that he thought we should end things.

I was really devasted. I spent the first couple of weeks in bed, grieving the loss of our relationship. But eventually, I realized that he clearly did not want to be with me and I was better off finding someone who did. So that night I ended up going to the bar with my friends and I posted an Instagram story, to which my ex blocked me, and then texted me saying, "You're a bad person." This really set me down the wrong path again and felt really lost for another couple of weeks. He did not respond to my messages that night asking why he said that, so I was feeling the pain of the breakup all over again. When his birthday came around, I decided not to say happy birthday. My mental health was still not 100% and I had no interest in his reply (or lack thereof).

2 days later, he texted me a long paragraph telling me that he can't believe I would do this, after everything he had promised me. He told me that I was the one who folded and gave up on the relationship. He called me selfish, said that I only thought of myself and didn't even let him tell me if anything was wrong (which apparently, there was - even though I asked a hundred times and he repeatedly said no and called me crazy). He says he can never forgive me for intentionally hurting him by not saying happy birthday. Again and again, he told me that we shouldn't have broken up and it was my completely my decision to do so.

I did NOT want to break up. I loved him so much, I still do. I really thought he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore which is why I ended it. I feel like I'm back at square one, and I regret my decision so much. If I knew there was the slightest chance that I could've saved the relationship I would've stayed. I don't know what to do. He stopped replying to me. How do I get over this?

TL;DR: I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought he didn't want to be with me anymore, but now he's saying its completely my fault. How do I get over this?

Submitted December 18, 2019 at 12:27AM

My boyfriend and I had dated for about 2 years when I started noticing a change in him. Towards the end of the relationship, I couldn't remember the last romantic thing he had done for me. He stopped visiting me at school (I live about an hour away from our hometown during school) and we would only see each other when I would come home every couple of weekends. He wasn't interested in going on dates (even if I planned them) or really doing anything other than sitting in his basement together and watching TV/smoking weed. I felt like no effort was being put in on his side and I suffered from constant anxiety to the point where I took it out on him. I would ask him a million times if something was wrong, and every time he would say no, you're being crazy. He had gotten progressively more distant to the point where I invited him up to a weekend at my school and he just... didn't show up, after saying that he would come.It was a really difficult decision to leave considering our past. The beginning of our relationship was perfect, he was so sweet and caring and made a lot of promises for the future that were hard to let go of. But I thought I knew that he was over the relationship. When I asked him if he felt differently, he denied it at first, and after me crying my eyes out begging him to tell me the truth he admitted that he thought we should end things.I was really devasted. I spent the first couple of weeks in bed, grieving the loss of our relationship. But eventually, I realized that he clearly did not want to be with me and I was better off finding someone who did. So that night I ended up going to the bar with my friends and I posted an Instagram story, to which my ex blocked me, and then texted me saying, "You're a bad person." This really set me down the wrong path again and felt really lost for another couple of weeks. He did not respond to my messages that night asking why he said that, so I was feeling the pain of the breakup all over again. When his birthday came around, I decided not to say happy birthday. My mental health was still not 100% and I had no interest in his reply (or lack thereof).2 days later, he texted me a long paragraph telling me that he can't believe I would do this, after everything he had promised me. He told me that I was the one who folded and gave up on the relationship. He called me selfish, said that I only thought of myself and didn't even let him tell me if anything was wrong (which apparently, there was - even though I asked a hundred times and he repeatedly said no and called me crazy). He says he can never forgive me for intentionally hurting him by not saying happy birthday. Again and again, he told me that we shouldn't have broken up and it was my completely my decision to do so.I did NOT want to break up. I loved him so much, I still do. I really thought he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore which is why I ended it. I feel like I'm back at square one, and I regret my decision so much. If I knew there was the slightest chance that I could've saved the relationship I would've stayed. I don't know what to do. He stopped replying to me. How do I get over this?TL;DR: I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought he didn't want to be with me anymore, but now he's saying its completely my fault. How do I get over this?