My [32/M] long time friend [32/M] invited me to hangout for the first time in 20 years.

Alright, so I've been friends with Francis and Rob (both 32/M) for 20 years. In that time, Francis has never invited us to hangout with any of his other friends, nor other mutual friends we have. We've only ever hung out with Francis one-on-one or as the three of us.

A few months back, Francis and Rob had a falling out because Rob was tried of being teased and put down by Francis on a constant basis. Francis apologized, saying it was a joke. Rob didn't it was a genuine apology. I told them I wasn't going to relay between them. They haven't spoken to each other since. Additionally, Francis stopped speaking to me too. The dust needs to settle, so I've been fine with this.

Rob and I are still friends. We've spoken about the Francis situation to a great extent. Rob points how Francis would only invite him or us to hang when he needed a favor. He also reminds me of all the times Francis didn't pull his weight during projects we've worked on together.

Looking back, I start to realize that this is true. We've known each other since elementary school, and Francis would always slack off on group school projects and personal projects, yet take the credit. I always brushed it off since we've been friends for ages, but now I'm starting to look at things differently. On top of that, Francis has never invited neither Rob or me to anything involving other people. The only time I was able to hang out with Francis' other friends was when I invited myself to his housewarming party after he asked to borrow my board games for it. Hell, Francis doesn't even know when either of our birthdays are after 20 years of friendship.

Come today out of the blue, Francis invites me to hangout with his other childhood friends. He always kept us separated. We know each other, but we'd never get invited to the same outings. More importantly, this is the first time Francis has ever invited me to hangout with any his other friends. It strikes me odd because Francis told me earlier this year he had a falling out with these friends last year. I don't know what happened between his other friends, I just know they stopped talking. Rob wasn't invited by the way.

Normally, I'd be excited to hang out with my friend, but given the recent friendship fallouts, this feels like a massive scheme to just reel us all back in. After 20 years of friendship, I only get invited to hangout after his other friendships sour. I feel like I've been the backup friend all this time. I'm not crazy for thinking this, am I?

Or maybe it's because I've had a negative outlook on my friendships lately. Ever since the Francis/Rob falling out, I've started to reflect on my friendships only to realize to people only contact me when they need a favor. Hell, a few weeks ago one of my friends snapped me a photo of a cute girl he met at a party. Coincidentally, she happens to be one of my coworkers. We're pretty close and frequently get lunch together. Neither of them invited me. On top of that, no one remembers my birthday, or even bothers to ask. Not even the friends I've bought gifts for on their birthdays. I feel like everyone's backup friend.

Am I over analyzing things because of my bad experiences or is Francis just trying to keep us close in case he needs anything? I'm swaying towards the latter, but need an outside perspective.

tl;dr

Two of my childhood friends had a falling out recently. Haven't heard from one of them in months, but suddenly get invited to hangout. He's never invited me to anything in our 20 year friendship. I've had bad experiences with friends lately. I can't tell if this invite is genuine or if he's just trying to keep me on his back burner.

Submitted December 18, 2019 at 12:15AM

Alright, so I've been friends with Francis and Rob (both 32/M) for 20 years. In that time, Francis has never invited us to hangout with any of his other friends, nor other mutual friends we have. We've only ever hung out with Francis one-on-one or as the three of us.A few months back, Francis and Rob had a falling out because Rob was tried of being teased and put down by Francis on a constant basis. Francis apologized, saying it was a joke. Rob didn't it was a genuine apology. I told them I wasn't going to relay between them. They haven't spoken to each other since. Additionally, Francis stopped speaking to me too. The dust needs to settle, so I've been fine with this.Rob and I are still friends. We've spoken about the Francis situation to a great extent. Rob points how Francis would only invite him or us to hang when he needed a favor. He also reminds me of all the times Francis didn't pull his weight during projects we've worked on together.Looking back, I start to realize that this is true. We've known each other since elementary school, and Francis would always slack off on group school projects and personal projects, yet take the credit. I always brushed it off since we've been friends for ages, but now I'm starting to look at things differently. On top of that, Francis has never invited neither Rob or me to anything involving other people. The only time I was able to hang out with Francis' other friends was when I invited myself to his housewarming party after he asked to borrow my board games for it. Hell, Francis doesn't even know when either of our birthdays are after 20 years of friendship.Come today out of the blue, Francis invites me to hangout with his other childhood friends. He always kept us separated. We know each other, but we'd never get invited to the same outings. More importantly, this is the first time Francis has ever invited me to hangout with any his other friends. It strikes me odd because Francis told me earlier this year he had a falling out with these friends last year. I don't know what happened between his other friends, I just know they stopped talking. Rob wasn't invited by the way.Normally, I'd be excited to hang out with my friend, but given the recent friendship fallouts, this feels like a massive scheme to just reel us all back in. After 20 years of friendship, I only get invited to hangout after his other friendships sour. I feel like I've been the backup friend all this time. I'm not crazy for thinking this, am I?Or maybe it's because I've had a negative outlook on my friendships lately. Ever since the Francis/Rob falling out, I've started to reflect on my friendships only to realize to people only contact me when they need a favor. Hell, a few weeks ago one of my friends snapped me a photo of a cute girl he met at a party. Coincidentally, she happens to be one of my coworkers. We're pretty close and frequently get lunch together. Neither of them invited me. On top of that, no one remembers my birthday, or even bothers to ask. Not even the friends I've bought gifts for on their birthdays. I feel like everyone's backup friend.Am I over analyzing things because of my bad experiences or is Francis just trying to keep us close in case he needs anything? I'm swaying towards the latter, but need an outside perspective.tl;drTwo of my childhood friends had a falling out recently. Haven't heard from one of them in months, but suddenly get invited to hangout. He's never invited me to anything in our 20 year friendship. I've had bad experiences with friends lately. I can't tell if this invite is genuine or if he's just trying to keep me on his back burner.