I'm having a rough time at coping with the fact that my girlfriend is a stripper and will be for a long time

Title says it all.

Its my fault she was broke in college her work was having layoffs her family didnt take care of her.

I introduced her to a chick that did it. As soon as she started I didn't think I would be a jealous guy. I went to see her once, that changed instantly. She was a dancer for a while my parents found out and offered to pay for her bills if she stopped because they saw what it was doing to me. She quit for the rest of college and my parents helped her through it. Then we moved to a different city where we got desk jobs. She eventually realized she hated it because she didn't feel like she had purpose (I get it.) The company was shit in the end literally every employee left because of management. She needed money for car repairs etc and the desk job just wasnt doing it she said she needed to get back into dancing. The clubs in the area are not full nude they are topless but still.

I understand her reasoning. She is using it to put herself through college and eventually a nursing program and become a nurse like she has always wanted to. She already has car debt and student loans for her first degree and doesn't want more. She works hours that will not conflict with her school. She takes care of us a lot especially when it comes to extracurricular activities because I definitely don't make nearly the amount of money she does. I will be moving to a different city that she will not be living in. We have lived together for 3 years. I will be working all week only the weekends off. She will be going to school and then working the whole weekend. We will barely have time together. We have been through alot, bouts of broken trust on my part. etc and are currently on kind of break but are seeking counseling. I recently looked at her club website and saw her taking off a porn stars top in the club and this porn star being all in her face in the pictures it made me sick.

Honestly, I am heart broken. I have my own safe image of what goes on there and that kind of just destroyed it. She says she is acting she said she constantly has panic attacks because she feels like she doesn't belong there. idk The pictures were of her smirking looking like she is having a good time. It's like there have been times where she got mad at me for supposedly flirting with other girls but now she is taking off other chicks tops all seductively. If the roles were switched, she would lose her shit.

I was really never a jealous guy and honestly I have been telling myself I can handle it but I don't know if I can. But I am also a hardheaded dumbass because I love her and I remember what and how we were and how much I loved it and I'm having a real hard time letting go and actually breaking it off. I was hoping this counseling would help fix and mend things but I really don't know if it will. After seeing those pictures, it was like seeing her on stage the first time again and it reminded me how much how the woman I love being is on stage dancing half naked for men who only see her as an object and wouldn't think twice to have their way with her for a bunch of cash. I know she isn't like that she wont do that but my mind is racing and Idk if there are any questions to this because its starting to feel real apparent what I need to do. But I needed to say it to someone because it's a secret she even works there.

I think I have forgotten what a healthy relationship looks like and what a loving person who doesnt post their body for the world or work at a strip club for money is like. I just feel jealous and I hate that. She has reasons to distrust me too so its not like she is all of a bad person in this. I used to be confident strong framed easy to push people away who no longer were benefits in my life and with her... I just can't it's so hard. Maybe I just need a push or assurance i don't know. I keep telling her I am okay with it and sometimes I am but the more I think about it, I'm not and after seeing those pictures.. ugh

Am I wrong for not being able to handle this? Am I just too jealous and didn't know it?

TL;DR! I'm having trouble coping with what I have seen vs what I hear from her. I think I know what I should do but am having a lot of trouble doing it.

Submitted October 05, 2019 at 10:38PM

Title says it all.Its my fault she was broke in college her work was having layoffs her family didnt take care of her.I introduced her to a chick that did it. As soon as she started I didn't think I would be a jealous guy. I went to see her once, that changed instantly. She was a dancer for a while my parents found out and offered to pay for her bills if she stopped because they saw what it was doing to me. She quit for the rest of college and my parents helped her through it. Then we moved to a different city where we got desk jobs. She eventually realized she hated it because she didn't feel like she had purpose (I get it.) The company was shit in the end literally every employee left because of management. She needed money for car repairs etc and the desk job just wasnt doing it she said she needed to get back into dancing. The clubs in the area are not full nude they are topless but still.I understand her reasoning. She is using it to put herself through college and eventually a nursing program and become a nurse like she has always wanted to. She already has car debt and student loans for her first degree and doesn't want more. She works hours that will not conflict with her school. She takes care of us a lot especially when it comes to extracurricular activities because I definitely don't make nearly the amount of money she does. I will be moving to a different city that she will not be living in. We have lived together for 3 years. I will be working all week only the weekends off. She will be going to school and then working the whole weekend. We will barely have time together. We have been through alot, bouts of broken trust on my part. etc and are currently on kind of break but are seeking counseling. I recently looked at her club website and saw her taking off a porn stars top in the club and this porn star being all in her face in the pictures it made me sick.Honestly, I am heart broken. I have my own safe image of what goes on there and that kind of just destroyed it. She says she is acting she said she constantly has panic attacks because she feels like she doesn't belong there. idk The pictures were of her smirking looking like she is having a good time. It's like there have been times where she got mad at me for supposedly flirting with other girls but now she is taking off other chicks tops all seductively. If the roles were switched, she would lose her shit.I was really never a jealous guy and honestly I have been telling myself I can handle it but I don't know if I can. But I am also a hardheaded dumbass because I love her and I remember what and how we were and how much I loved it and I'm having a real hard time letting go and actually breaking it off. I was hoping this counseling would help fix and mend things but I really don't know if it will. After seeing those pictures, it was like seeing her on stage the first time again and it reminded me how much how the woman I love being is on stage dancing half naked for men who only see her as an object and wouldn't think twice to have their way with her for a bunch of cash. I know she isn't like that she wont do that but my mind is racing and Idk if there are any questions to this because its starting to feel real apparent what I need to do. But I needed to say it to someone because it's a secret she even works there.I think I have forgotten what a healthy relationship looks like and what a loving person who doesnt post their body for the world or work at a strip club for money is like. I just feel jealous and I hate that. She has reasons to distrust me too so its not like she is all of a bad person in this. I used to be confident strong framed easy to push people away who no longer were benefits in my life and with her... I just can't it's so hard. Maybe I just need a push or assurance i don't know. I keep telling her I am okay with it and sometimes I am but the more I think about it, I'm not and after seeing those pictures.. ughAm I wrong for not being able to handle this? Am I just too jealous and didn't know it?TL;DR! I'm having trouble coping with what I have seen vs what I hear from her. I think I know what I should do but am having a lot of trouble doing it.