My (30 NB) poly partner (34 F) is spending more time with her new partner (28 M) and pushing me to the side. Maybe.

I'm poly with multiple partners, and so is my girlfriend. We're traveling entertainers so it's not uncommon for us to get partners in other nearby cities - I have two partners here in town, but all of hers are in other cities. I'm the only local one, and she considers me her most intimate (she's told me as such). I'm the newest by almost a year.

She would text me every day, send me pics on snapchat, call frequently - couple stuff. Even when she was out of town. She took me places and to parties and bought me food and drinks (nothing I encouraged, she's just kind). We hung out 2-3 times a week. Recently, though, within the past few months, it's started to fade. We hang out a lot less, she usually only texts if she wants to complain about someone or if she needs something. We don't go out really, I just come over to help her (traveling and working two jobs, she is extremely busy and often asks for help with personal projects).

Her newest partner is someone she's liked for a long time, but he's getting to take her out and do fun things with her (dates, dinner, cuddles, parties) and see her on a nearly daily basis (he lives only two blocks from her). When I've tried to take her out, she says she's too busy or her depression is too bad, and instead maybe one a week I get to cuddle her on the couch while she vents and cries.

I feel like an emotional support friend who just gets her ready to have fun with others. She never checks in on me and we never go do anything fun. But she's absolutely in love with this new guy and talks about him a lot.

I know her depression is very bad and she needs the support. I know my anxiety and insecurity is bad and often makes me paranoid and blow up small problems into big things. And we're both poly, and maybe I'm just being jealous. But I feel the new guy is taking the spot she gave me and I'm slowly being pushed to a sometimes weekend thing, and feeling used.

I've gently brought this up and she's assured me it's not the case but I feel it's definitely happening, but are mental health issues at play? Do I just need to adjust?

TL;DR: new partner in poly relationship is getting all my partner's time and I feel distant and neglected.



Submitted September 10, 2019 at 11:12PM

I'm poly with multiple partners, and so is my girlfriend. We're traveling entertainers so it's not uncommon for us to get partners in other nearby cities - I have two partners here in town, but all of hers are in other cities. I'm the only local one, and she considers me her most intimate (she's told me as such). I'm the newest by almost a year.She would text me every day, send me pics on snapchat, call frequently - couple stuff. Even when she was out of town. She took me places and to parties and bought me food and drinks (nothing I encouraged, she's just kind). We hung out 2-3 times a week. Recently, though, within the past few months, it's started to fade. We hang out a lot less, she usually only texts if she wants to complain about someone or if she needs something. We don't go out really, I just come over to help her (traveling and working two jobs, she is extremely busy and often asks for help with personal projects).Her newest partner is someone she's liked for a long time, but he's getting to take her out and do fun things with her (dates, dinner, cuddles, parties) and see her on a nearly daily basis (he lives only two blocks from her). When I've tried to take her out, she says she's too busy or her depression is too bad, and instead maybe one a week I get to cuddle her on the couch while she vents and cries.I feel like an emotional support friend who just gets her ready to have fun with others. She never checks in on me and we never go do anything fun. But she's absolutely in love with this new guy and talks about him a lot.I know her depression is very bad and she needs the support. I know my anxiety and insecurity is bad and often makes me paranoid and blow up small problems into big things. And we're both poly, and maybe I'm just being jealous. But I feel the new guy is taking the spot she gave me and I'm slowly being pushed to a sometimes weekend thing, and feeling used.I've gently brought this up and she's assured me it's not the case but I feel it's definitely happening, but are mental health issues at play? Do I just need to adjust?TL;DR: new partner in poly relationship is getting all my partner's time and I feel distant and neglected.
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