My (30 NB) poly partner (34 F) is spending more time with her new partner (28 M) and pushing me to the side. Maybe.

I'm poly with multiple partners, and so is my girlfriend. We're traveling entertainers so it's not uncommon for us to get partners in other nearby cities - I have two partners here in town, but all of hers are in other cities. I'm the only local one, and she considers me her most intimate (she's told me as such). I'm the newest by almost a year.

She would text me every day, send me pics on snapchat, call frequently - couple stuff. Even when she was out of town. She took me places and to parties and bought me food and drinks (nothing I encouraged, she's just kind). We hung out 2-3 times a week. Recently, though, within the past few months, it's started to fade. We hang out a lot less, she usually only texts if she wants to complain about someone or if she needs something. We don't go out really, I just come over to help her (traveling and working two jobs, she is extremely busy and often asks for help with personal projects).

Her newest partner is someone she's liked for a long time, but he's getting to take her out and do fun things with her (dates, dinner, cuddles, parties) and see her on a nearly daily basis (he lives only two blocks from her). When I've tried to take her out, she says she's too busy or her depression is too bad, and instead maybe one a week I get to cuddle her on the couch while she vents and cries.

I feel like an emotional support friend who just gets her ready to have fun with others. She never checks in on me and we never go do anything fun. But she's absolutely in love with this new guy and talks about him a lot.

I know her depression is very bad and she needs the support. I know my anxiety and insecurity is bad and often makes me paranoid and blow up small problems into big things. And we're both poly, and maybe I'm just being jealous. But I feel the new guy is taking the spot she gave me and I'm slowly being pushed to a sometimes weekend thing, and feeling used.

I've gently brought this up and she's assured me it's not the case but I feel it's definitely happening, but are mental health issues at play? Do I just need to adjust?

TL;DR: new partner in poly relationship is getting all my partner's time and I feel distant and neglected.



Submitted September 10, 2019 at 11:12PM

I'm poly with multiple partners, and so is my girlfriend. We're traveling entertainers so it's not uncommon for us to get partners in other nearby cities - I have two partners here in town, but all of hers are in other cities. I'm the only local one, and she considers me her most intimate (she's told me as such). I'm the newest by almost a year.She would text me every day, send me pics on snapchat, call frequently - couple stuff. Even when she was out of town. She took me places and to parties and bought me food and drinks (nothing I encouraged, she's just kind). We hung out 2-3 times a week. Recently, though, within the past few months, it's started to fade. We hang out a lot less, she usually only texts if she wants to complain about someone or if she needs something. We don't go out really, I just come over to help her (traveling and working two jobs, she is extremely busy and often asks for help with personal projects).Her newest partner is someone she's liked for a long time, but he's getting to take her out and do fun things with her (dates, dinner, cuddles, parties) and see her on a nearly daily basis (he lives only two blocks from her). When I've tried to take her out, she says she's too busy or her depression is too bad, and instead maybe one a week I get to cuddle her on the couch while she vents and cries.I feel like an emotional support friend who just gets her ready to have fun with others. She never checks in on me and we never go do anything fun. But she's absolutely in love with this new guy and talks about him a lot.I know her depression is very bad and she needs the support. I know my anxiety and insecurity is bad and often makes me paranoid and blow up small problems into big things. And we're both poly, and maybe I'm just being jealous. But I feel the new guy is taking the spot she gave me and I'm slowly being pushed to a sometimes weekend thing, and feeling used.I've gently brought this up and she's assured me it's not the case but I feel it's definitely happening, but are mental health issues at play? Do I just need to adjust?TL;DR: new partner in poly relationship is getting all my partner's time and I feel distant and neglected.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more