Advice: My friend (M- 31), who is engaged, tried to make a move on me (F- 29) and I'm also taken...

A friend of mine who I have known for almost a decade tried to make a move on me over the weekend when I was staying with him and his fiancee'.

My family situation is really strained so when I come to visit my hometown, my friend has offered to let me stay at his house. Prior to this, my boyfriend was typically visiting with me, too. But, this time around, I did a solo trip.

At first, everything seemed normal.

Then, on the second day, I got back to his house somewhat late (around 10:00-10:30pm) and he was still awake playing a video game in the living room. I sat down on the opposite end of the couch, leaving a respectable amount of room between us. Suddenly, I had the brilliant idea of, "Hey, let's get really really high and watch this particular music video I think you'll go bananas for." We watched the video and, at some point, I felt his hand brush up against mine. I quickly moved it away, kind of shrugging it off. His dog was laying between us and we were both petting her, so it had to have been a mistake, right?

Eventually, we talked about life. He inquired about my ex, a person he knew and used to be friends with, and we talked about some pretty heavy topics. My ex was fairly abusive and I answered some questions that had been lingering in his mind. During this conversation, I frequently discussed how much I absolutely adore my current boyfriend and how great he is. I congratulated my friend on his successful relationship, too. I told him how happy I was for the two of us and that we both deserved the great people we ended up with.

I even went as far as to say, "Y'know, I wonder what things would've been like had I broken up with my ex the first time he did or said something abusive. But, then, I realize I never would've moved out of state. I never would've got involved in the things I'm involved in. I never would've made the friends I have now, and, more importantly, I never would've met my current boyfriend. Ex was really abusive, but all of that made it worth enduring."

After I said that, I felt his hand again. I moved my hand away once more, but this time, he grabbed for it back. He held it even though I clearly made an effort to move it away. It felt strange, and it was unwanted, so I hastily got up for a drink of water when I realized what he might be doing. At first, I thought, maybe just maybe, he was trying to be consoling to me after what we had just talked about. I mean, this is my friend, y'know? He's been there for me. His girlfriend is asleep in the room adjacent to us. Clearly he's not trying to make a move.

I adjusted myself back on to the couch, leaving my hands by my side, practically sitting on them like a Kindergartner. He had put on Cowboy Bebop, an anime we both love, and made a comment about the "Big Shot" cowgirl and how I should cosplay her because I could "really make it look good and pull it off." (For those of you that don't know- it's a busty blonde woman with an open shirt. IE- A pretty bold and somewhat sexual statement to make to a "friend." I'm a bodybuilder and have a decently large chest for my size, but I still don't see the value in that kind of compliment.) I nervously laughed, "Ha... I don't know... Maybe with a wig?" My discomfort was rising again. It was boiling over. First the hand, now this...

Cue Tina Belcher-esque: "Ehhhhhhhhhhhh."

I state that I'm tired and he snaps up and offers to help me off the couch. Ok? Not something I really need, but ok. He pulls me into a hug. A hug that lasts waaaaayyyyyyy too long. He's about a foot taller than me and twice, if not, three times my weight. I'm casually trying to break away or make a physical indication of some sort to stop. I can hear his heart beating MEGA FAST. Like he's nervous. Like he is planning on kissing me. He looks down at me with this expression and I immediately tilted my head down. I pat him on the back and spout, "Alright, good night. See you tomorrow." And bolt to the guest room while barricading the door. (The door didn't have a lock on it. I needed something to stop him from coming in and I was way too high to leave at that moment.)

The following morning, I wait for him to leave. I take the key, place it under the edge of his doormat and peaced the heck out when I knew he was gone. I left a text message thanking him for allowing me to stay with the whereabouts of the key.

I had texted my both boyfriend and my best friend detailing the events. Both of them were equally creeped out. Especially by the hand-holding part. They both congratulated me on getting out safely and reassured me that I did the right thing, given the circumstances. My boyfriend offered to buy me a hotel stay, but I ultimately ended up leaving early instead. Regardless, I was flabbergasted by my friend's behavior.

I feel like the entire duration of our friendship was a lie. That night made me feel like he had been waiting for an opportunity to sleep with me. And, man, does it hurt.

I have so many questions:

• What was he planning on doing?
• Was he going to try and keep it a secret?
• Why would he risk everything like that?
• How did he think that was acceptable? I literally did nothing but talk about how great my relationship is.
• Does he even care about his fiancee'?
• Should I confront him about this?
• Should I tell her?
• Would she believe me?

It's basically been left at, "Thanks for letting me stay!"

My boyfriend said he supports me with either decision I make. Whether I choose to say something to my friend or not. I've lamented that I no longer want to be friends with him, obviously, because I feel that he put me in an unfair situation and I feel that he sees me as an object to be had, rather than a friend. My boyfriend laughed and said, "Man, he was a really cool guy up until that moment when he tried to potentially f*** my girlfriend!"

But I don't know how to confront this. I feel like technically, nothing really happened? Sure, he made me feel uncomfortable and that is something... I just... Don't know how to word it. I don't know how to make a case of it. I know I don't owe him an explanation since I am choosing to no longer be his friend, but I don't feel like I'm the type of person to do that? Ugh. I'm not sure.

TL;DR- My long time friend tried to kiss me while his fiancee' was asleep in the other room and I don't know how to confront him about it.

Submitted September 10, 2019 at 11:18PM

A friend of mine who I have known for almost a decade tried to make a move on me over the weekend when I was staying with him and his fiancee'.My family situation is really strained so when I come to visit my hometown, my friend has offered to let me stay at his house. Prior to this, my boyfriend was typically visiting with me, too. But, this time around, I did a solo trip.At first, everything seemed normal.Then, on the second day, I got back to his house somewhat late (around 10:00-10:30pm) and he was still awake playing a video game in the living room. I sat down on the opposite end of the couch, leaving a respectable amount of room between us. Suddenly, I had the brilliant idea of, "Hey, let's get really really high and watch this particular music video I think you'll go bananas for." We watched the video and, at some point, I felt his hand brush up against mine. I quickly moved it away, kind of shrugging it off. His dog was laying between us and we were both petting her, so it had to have been a mistake, right?Eventually, we talked about life. He inquired about my ex, a person he knew and used to be friends with, and we talked about some pretty heavy topics. My ex was fairly abusive and I answered some questions that had been lingering in his mind. During this conversation, I frequently discussed how much I absolutely adore my current boyfriend and how great he is. I congratulated my friend on his successful relationship, too. I told him how happy I was for the two of us and that we both deserved the great people we ended up with.I even went as far as to say, "Y'know, I wonder what things would've been like had I broken up with my ex the first time he did or said something abusive. But, then, I realize I never would've moved out of state. I never would've got involved in the things I'm involved in. I never would've made the friends I have now, and, more importantly, I never would've met my current boyfriend. Ex was really abusive, but all of that made it worth enduring."After I said that, I felt his hand again. I moved my hand away once more, but this time, he grabbed for it back. He held it even though I clearly made an effort to move it away. It felt strange, and it was unwanted, so I hastily got up for a drink of water when I realized what he might be doing. At first, I thought, maybe just maybe, he was trying to be consoling to me after what we had just talked about. I mean, this is my friend, y'know? He's been there for me. His girlfriend is asleep in the room adjacent to us. Clearly he's not trying to make a move.I adjusted myself back on to the couch, leaving my hands by my side, practically sitting on them like a Kindergartner. He had put on Cowboy Bebop, an anime we both love, and made a comment about the "Big Shot" cowgirl and how I should cosplay her because I could "really make it look good and pull it off." (For those of you that don't know- it's a busty blonde woman with an open shirt. IE- A pretty bold and somewhat sexual statement to make to a "friend." I'm a bodybuilder and have a decently large chest for my size, but I still don't see the value in that kind of compliment.) I nervously laughed, "Ha... I don't know... Maybe with a wig?" My discomfort was rising again. It was boiling over. First the hand, now this...Cue Tina Belcher-esque: "Ehhhhhhhhhhhh."I state that I'm tired and he snaps up and offers to help me off the couch. Ok? Not something I really need, but ok. He pulls me into a hug. A hug that lasts waaaaayyyyyyy too long. He's about a foot taller than me and twice, if not, three times my weight. I'm casually trying to break away or make a physical indication of some sort to stop. I can hear his heart beating MEGA FAST. Like he's nervous. Like he is planning on kissing me. He looks down at me with this expression and I immediately tilted my head down. I pat him on the back and spout, "Alright, good night. See you tomorrow." And bolt to the guest room while barricading the door. (The door didn't have a lock on it. I needed something to stop him from coming in and I was way too high to leave at that moment.)The following morning, I wait for him to leave. I take the key, place it under the edge of his doormat and peaced the heck out when I knew he was gone. I left a text message thanking him for allowing me to stay with the whereabouts of the key.I had texted my both boyfriend and my best friend detailing the events. Both of them were equally creeped out. Especially by the hand-holding part. They both congratulated me on getting out safely and reassured me that I did the right thing, given the circumstances. My boyfriend offered to buy me a hotel stay, but I ultimately ended up leaving early instead. Regardless, I was flabbergasted by my friend's behavior.I feel like the entire duration of our friendship was a lie. That night made me feel like he had been waiting for an opportunity to sleep with me. And, man, does it hurt.I have so many questions:What was he planning on doing?Was he going to try and keep it a secret?Why would he risk everything like that?How did he think that was acceptable? I literally did nothing but talk about how great my relationship is.Does he even care about his fiancee'?Should I confront him about this?Should I tell her?Would she believe me?It's basically been left at, "Thanks for letting me stay!"My boyfriend said he supports me with either decision I make. Whether I choose to say something to my friend or not. I've lamented that I no longer want to be friends with him, obviously, because I feel that he put me in an unfair situation and I feel that he sees me as an object to be had, rather than a friend. My boyfriend laughed and said, "Man, he was a really cool guy up until that moment when he tried to potentially f*** my girlfriend!"But I don't know how to confront this. I feel like technically, nothing really happened? Sure, he made me feel uncomfortable and that is something... I just... Don't know how to word it. I don't know how to make a case of it. I know I don't owe him an explanation since I am choosing to no longer be his friend, but I don't feel like I'm the type of person to do that? Ugh. I'm not sure.TL;DR- My long time friend tried to kiss me while his fiancee' was asleep in the other room and I don't know how to confront him about it.