(19m) I been torturing myself for the past 2-3 weeks after breaking things off with a girl, need advice wether or not to start things up again or not...

So to give a little more context, she had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship (I was not the immediate rebound) and she is the best friend of my friends GF, they introduced us in the summer and we immediately hit it off, we were very open about everything, shared a lot of feelings and talked a lot with each other, after knowing each other for quite a bit we started officially dating for about 3 weeks. But then out of nowhere she freaked out one night, called me out of the blue crying and wouldn’t say what was wrong and everyday since then there was a massive lack of communication. For example I wouldn’t even get a response when I asked her how her day was.

Because of the type of person I am I got really confused and anxious so I waited a bit and asked if she was alright. She said that she had a lot going on and she needed to focus on herself, and thinks that I’m an amazing person and that she’s not what I need right now and that friends is what we should be. I knew she got out of a relationship so I decided maybe friends can’t be that bad and maybe we’ll end up seeing each other again in the future.

Fast fwd a couple of weeks and my paranoia is killing me, I keep thinking she broke things off with me to pursue other people which made me very angry and confused. But as of this point we were still friends and talking almost everyday. But I got very drunk at my friends birthday party and expressed my feelings to her; saying I can’t be friends with her because it’s destroying me mentally. I felt like I was always paranoid and anxious (my last 2 relationships ended because I was cheated on so u can see why). She ended up telling me that she didn’t intend to make me feel this way whatsoever and that she isn’t capable of anything legitimate at that time.

At the same time all this was happening I was also going through a lot, I was constantly busy, I had job issues, family struggles and my feelings for her.

After I told her I couldn’t be friends, I immediately regret it because when we decided to be friends I still genuinely enjoyed our conversations, her personality and I felt like we could still talk about anything. So after I cut her out I realized I’m losing someone I really cared for and a great friend and it’s been tearing me apart for the past 2-3 weeks. I’ve constantly thought about her and started drinking and smoking a lot so get my mind off of it. But that’d just last for the night and leading up to the next night I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Of all the people I’ve dated before her I’ve never had such a strong personal connection with anyone except her, which is why she was so important to me. And I know now she’s completely over her ex because I’ve heard from my friend that she’s starting to date other people again, but people who are treating her terribly, which kills me inside because I know how happy we both were together before things changed.

I’ve asked all my friends and I’m getting only mixed answers to wether I should start talking with her again or not. I’ve decided to take a day or two away from everything (drugs and alcohol) to think about things and make a clear decision if I should try and get her back in my life, which has brought me to reddit.

So I need advice on if I should start texting her again, and if so how do I start things/ what do I say, and idk if my objective should be to ask to be friends again or ask if she wants to start dating again?

I genuinely want the best for her because I think she’s a great person and I genuinely think I’d be the best for her.

TLDR: I’ve been doing a lot of weed and alcohol everyday for 2-3 weeks to get my mind off thinking about her, I need to know if I should start talking or her again or not? Because I can’t keep fucking myself up over this.

Submitted September 10, 2019 at 11:46PM

So to give a little more context, she had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship (I was not the immediate rebound) and she is the best friend of my friends GF, they introduced us in the summer and we immediately hit it off, we were very open about everything, shared a lot of feelings and talked a lot with each other, after knowing each other for quite a bit we started officially dating for about 3 weeks. But then out of nowhere she freaked out one night, called me out of the blue crying and wouldn’t say what was wrong and everyday since then there was a massive lack of communication. For example I wouldn’t even get a response when I asked her how her day was.Because of the type of person I am I got really confused and anxious so I waited a bit and asked if she was alright. She said that she had a lot going on and she needed to focus on herself, and thinks that I’m an amazing person and that she’s not what I need right now and that friends is what we should be. I knew she got out of a relationship so I decided maybe friends can’t be that bad and maybe we’ll end up seeing each other again in the future.Fast fwd a couple of weeks and my paranoia is killing me, I keep thinking she broke things off with me to pursue other people which made me very angry and confused. But as of this point we were still friends and talking almost everyday. But I got very drunk at my friends birthday party and expressed my feelings to her; saying I can’t be friends with her because it’s destroying me mentally. I felt like I was always paranoid and anxious (my last 2 relationships ended because I was cheated on so u can see why). She ended up telling me that she didn’t intend to make me feel this way whatsoever and that she isn’t capable of anything legitimate at that time.At the same time all this was happening I was also going through a lot, I was constantly busy, I had job issues, family struggles and my feelings for her.After I told her I couldn’t be friends, I immediately regret it because when we decided to be friends I still genuinely enjoyed our conversations, her personality and I felt like we could still talk about anything. So after I cut her out I realized I’m losing someone I really cared for and a great friend and it’s been tearing me apart for the past 2-3 weeks. I’ve constantly thought about her and started drinking and smoking a lot so get my mind off of it. But that’d just last for the night and leading up to the next night I couldn’t stop thinking about her.Of all the people I’ve dated before her I’ve never had such a strong personal connection with anyone except her, which is why she was so important to me. And I know now she’s completely over her ex because I’ve heard from my friend that she’s starting to date other people again, but people who are treating her terribly, which kills me inside because I know how happy we both were together before things changed.I’ve asked all my friends and I’m getting only mixed answers to wether I should start talking with her again or not. I’ve decided to take a day or two away from everything (drugs and alcohol) to think about things and make a clear decision if I should try and get her back in my life, which has brought me to reddit.So I need advice on if I should start texting her again, and if so how do I start things/ what do I say, and idk if my objective should be to ask to be friends again or ask if she wants to start dating again?I genuinely want the best for her because I think she’s a great person and I genuinely think I’d be the best for her.TLDR: I’ve been doing a lot of weed and alcohol everyday for 2-3 weeks to get my mind off thinking about her, I need to know if I should start talking or her again or not? Because I can’t keep fucking myself up over this.